[Arwen_78]

OK, I've just had something that wasn't but could be called a fight with my boyfriend. I needed his help for the fruit platter that I'm making for "MY" family's Christmas Eve get together. No only was there a platter but some cookies my late Grandma Wyant would always bake every year. Plus, I called home to see if my mom was going to do her fruit dip and pineapple finding out that she wasn't because the fruit was mine this year. One I know after I made the cookies last year my brother said that I had made some that tasted very much like our grandma's and everyone loves moms dip and pineapple to dip into it.

I got my own things to make a very seasonal fruit platter, the pineapple, stuff to make the dip (as I didn't have the spices she uses at home), stuff to make the cookies (bare minimum of everything I needed) and some cheap stuff to put the pineapple on and cookies in. The bill was nearly $81 and I didn't have the $40 right now. So it took to him suggesting that next year I just buy thing pre-made I worked out that for us doing that it would work out about the same on the platter, dip wise nobody makes the dip my mom does, the cookies because it's just a way to remember our Grandma and how good they were.

After all this I was accused of not listening to his suggestions and I never take them into account. I'm all this is how it is done and won't listen to anything else. I did listen I told him that I understood but also worked out it would work out about the same. Then the cookies I would give up making the fruit platter to keep the cookies if he has to be that way.

[Travelinglady]

Hey, Arwen. Unless you think your "fight" really relates to ADD issues, you might get more responses if you post about it in the Relationships and Communication forum.

[yellowfrog268]

Hey Arwen,

Sometimes I get accused of the same. Asking someone's opinion and then deciding I don't want to follow their advice sometimes makes people feel like "Well then why did you ask me in the first place".

It doesn't sound like it was ADD related but sometimes our loved one's get in the habit of thinking that we're disregarding their advice because of our tendency toward being impulsive and at times a a bit stubborn.

One way I've found to work around this is to let the person know that I'm looking at various ways of doing something but I've not yet made up my mind on what to do. When I do make a decision, I usually say something like "After looking at the different ways of doing this, I'm going with...." It seems to help them feel as though their opinion was at least considered even if I decide not to use their advice.

[Sjc0]

Sometimes it helps just to take what somebody else says, execute it precisely, and then thank them for helping you out. It makes them feel helpful and competent. It reminds you that most stuff really doesn't matter how or possibly if you do it.

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