[krisakira]

I have been diagnosed with all 3, ADHD, ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), and Asperger's, all in my adult hood though, except ODD I was diagnosed with when I was 17. (I have schizoaffective disorder, PDNOS and tourette's as well). I guess I just wanted to get my thoughts out there. Growing up I was very defiant and disobedient to anything my parents asked of me. I would not clean my room, I would not do the dishes, and if I could not go somewhere or do something I wanted to do, I had meltdowns or temper tantrums. At school though I was fine. I was actually ashamed of how I was at home and said there was two of me, the bad me at home and the good me at school. I made all As in elementary school which is probably why all the disorders went undiagnosed since there wasn't any conduct or school problems. But I was also abused at home. I watched my mom scream and yell at my dad who would then hurt my mom. I was hit a lot when I had my meltdowns. I had a lot of physical punishment like hitting and pushing and twisting my arms/wrists. I got a lot of bad things said to me. Basically it was a nightmare living at home growing up with my parents. I was always getting in to a fight with my mom. Then my dad would hit me. It was very chaotic. My mom had her own temper problems so I didn't get the best understanding of how to control my anger. I have heard you can have ODD at just home and be fine at school. Or vise versa, or both. I had a short temper and threw things and punched things when I was in high school if I did not get my way or if my parents took the internet away or if I got overwhelmed , I don't even remember most of the stuff I got angry about. I hated my parents growing up and wished they would have gotten a divorce because my mom and dad would not fight then. Then we would go to church like everything was fine and dandy! So no one knew how bad it was because I was so ashamed of it I never told anyone. It wasn't till adult hood that I know now that I had ADHD and Asperger's syndrome, which explain a lot of it. But I guess ODD would explain it too. Does that mean that since I had ODD I am a bad kid? I feel like a bad kid and I do not know why I was such a bad kid. It makes me feel so shamed of myself. I don't want to be a bad kid, I want to be a good person. I am a good person I think even though my parents don't think i am. My husband thinks I am a good person. I don't know what else to type so that's it. Thanks for reading this.

[bluekoi]

krisakira, No, you were not a bad child. Please do not feel ashamed. Your husband is right, you are a good person!