[muse]

I've been diagnosed with mild ADD, but (even though I've only done reserch on my own and examined my own patterns of behavior) I have reason to believe I might have some self-esteem/other emotional issues on top of it.

My biggest problem is schoolwork. I see the stuff they put in front of me and I get it for the most part, but I simply do not understand how people force themselves to do tasks they don't want to (i.e. studying, homework in general). It's like... I want to say "a mental block" but that just feels like I'm giving myself an excuse. But I'll literally find ANYTHING to do so that I don't have to do homework/work in general.

Could therapy (just talking) possibly help with this?

[littlemissjess]

Yes actually it could. The therapist I see helps me plan things. She actually notised I had ADD and preferred me to a higher doctor more specified with ADD but yes, therapy and talking does help! She helps me plan things, sort out upcoming things, helps me prepare, and I also had depression since I had ADD beginning in middle school but teachers didn't look for those things anymore at that age and my parents thought I was fine, but I would get depressed since I would forget things. A mental block is a perfect way to put it. I'll be telling a story then I'll stop just because I forget what I was talking about. I feel so stupid for it, but it's part of ADD. But yes, therapy does help!

Also, schoolwork is a huge struggle to me also. When someone gives me something to read, or watching a movie...I go blank. I have mild ADD also, and yes it does affect me. I'm getting put on meds, but not yet since my doctor doesn't have openings till July 11th! (eek!) But if you would like to talk, PM me or whatever you'd like and I'll be glad to talk!

[Bloo]

Therapy could help...it can't hurt!

I have the same problem with work things. Even if I have a deadline and the project requires data entry (deadly boring!), I'll put it off and put it off until holy crap! It's due tomorrow!!!

I've found that making short to-do lists help keep me on task. Try making a list of only 2-3 items that need to be done like:

1. Gather materials for English paper
2. Organize materials
3. Create outline for paper

Don't try to overload yourself with 5, 10, 15 items. You'll get resentful. Trust me. As you cross off an item you'll have a sense of accomplishment. I even do this for housework (barf).

I find carrying an appointment book keeps me semi-organized. I got a Harry Potter calendar that shows me a week at a time. I have appts for doctor visits, work meetings, school functions, etc. It's not fancy and I only paid $8.00 for it. I tried one of those fancy Covey planners with each day mapped out to the hour...beautiful lipstick red leather, pretty floral paper, and I used it for 1 1/2 weeks. It was too much to process.

[muse]

Thanks so much for the quick responses and kindness, you guys--I really appreciate it!!Good ideas... and I really relate to that sort of procrastination. Although the "list method" has never worked too well in the past, I don't think I've given it the real trial run I should have. Maybe it'll work if I REALLY give it a try. I do have an assignment book, and that does help me some.

My ADD seems to be really really mild, though, and seems sort of... specific. For instance, I can memorize every line, entrance and stage direction for a lead character in a play and I can remember minute details from books I enjoy, but I can't force myself to do history homework even though I KNOW exactly how to do it, and how easy it would be if I just applied myself. Studying seems impossible because I've no set goal in mind, and my concentration on quizzes and tests has just been getting worse.

I guess my real question is whether some of those "other issues" might be playing a greater role in this (like fear and zero self-esteem). Have any of you ever found this to be the case? I mean, from my understanding therapy in general is meant to change netagive patterns of thought if needed... right?

Oh, and I've tried medication... Wellbutrin XL, first 150, then 300 mg. Neither made a significant impact on me other than leveling out my emotions (300 mg a bit too much). I know you have to try different things to figure out what works, so... maybe.

[Bloo]

Sounds like you're hyperfocusing on the things that interest you such as staging plays and flatline on stuff that bores you. And there's the fear of stuff that frightens you. I'm afraid of any math beyond simple stuff; I've gotten this far in life without algebra so why do I need it now? Plus Excel does everything I need it to do .

I know for a (personal) fact that if you have the right teacher, a subject like history will come alive.

Now that I'm a job that I like, I'm afraid of looking elsewhere. I know I'm underpaid for all the stuff I do but darn it, I can make up all sorts of excuses as to why I don't look for something more. Oh...I get time off as needed for myself and my kid, I've been a federal employee for 20 years (gawd, that kills me to write that), etc. But I know I can do better. Argh!

Work on getting a proper diagnosis and if you're cool with it, try the different ADD meds that are available. One might not work but another could.

[Meta]

Hi Muse,
I've put my ADD on the back burner because I need to get more stabilized with my bipolar disorder. But I relate to what you say about studying. In school I felt incredibly lazy compare to my roommates who were able to sit right down at their desks and do their work -with only the occasional "hooky." I felt overwhelmed a lot.
Anyway, I have heard many say a therapist or even an ADD coach helped keep them on track.

[muse]

Thanks for all the support, you guys!! I apprecaite it so much. I don't know how long it will take for my parents and I to get on this, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense that a push in the right direction could really help me.

I'll keep you all posted as to what's going on, but the support I've found so far is incredible. Thanks again.

[Perna]

When I was in high school, 10th grade, I was getting D's in French. My French teacher had had my brother a couple years before me and suggested he tutor me :-) That would have never worked so my stepmother got another older student to be my tutor. I was extremely resentful because I was quite sure I could "do it myself." Well, I "loved" my tutor and worked well with her and started getting A's and B's instead. "Therapy" usually refers to psychotherapy and that may not help you, you don't have a "mental" problem but more a learning one and having someone working side-by-side with you as you "learn" and helping you stay on task, etc. might very well help you as it did me. I don't even have a learning disability (I don't think) but having the extra attention and having someone paying attention to me and what I personally needed was wonderful and extremely helpful! I would go for it if I were you.

[muse]

Already there, and yes, I know exactly what you mean--I feel like I should be able to do EVERYTHING by myself! The 'rents have found me a tutor to help me in math (in which I'm making a D+ versus the C I've had for the past two years), and while I recognize that I do indeed need extra attention and help to get through a class or two, something tells me it's more than that.

I do have a question, though.... can ADD develop with age? My parents had my IQ tested at age 6, as well as getting me evaluated by a child psychiatrist (or psychologist, I know there's a difference), and he was supposedly an expert on ADD. He never found a thing that hinted at it, but instead pointed out anxiety. My mom was also telling me that, thinking back, she thinks extreme anxiety might be more of an issue considering my track record, but the more I think about it the more I'm of the opinion that it might be a combination of both (they do go hand-in-hand sometimes).

And just as an update... I finally talked to my mom and dad about going back and talking to somebody about all this. Things are actually looking up around here, and my concentration has even improved a little (but that could just be spring break relieving some stress... not much though, I have a crushing amount of homework!! )

So hopefully soon I'll get to talk to somebody more than twice and figure out what's really going on... at this point, though, I just want to get things straightened out before college. Things need to change. Let's hear it for moving forward.

[Bloo]

Muse, your "I can do everything myself" really strikes a cord with me. I know now I suffered post-partum depression in 2000 and work related depression in 2003. I didn't get into therapy until Sept 2006...I did myself so much harm without realising it. "I can get through this by myself" was my mantra. Heck, I even got through a 6 month Navy deployment with a 4 yr-old who was going to speech therapy twice a week while I worked full time. Me, need help and support? Never! I can do this myself.

As for ADD and age, it's been shown that it's not diagnosed nearly as often in girls. Like I said before, I just got dx'd in February and I'm 38 yrs-old! From the Hallowell-Ratey books I've read, females are more likely to be day-dreamers instead of the class cut-up. Therefore, it's not as recognized as it is in males.

Your anxiety might be an offspring of undiagnosed ADD. Depression is often an offshoot off undiagnosed ADD. It's something worth bringing up to your T.

*Mwah!*

[muse]

Ah! I recognize the quote in your sig, Bloo--it was from the big Billy and Mandy movie thingie, right? XD While I'm not a fan of the show, the Dracula bit was really funny.

Hmm... men are from Mars, women from Venus, eh? I know that I'd read about girls not getting diagnosed as often as boys somewhere, but thanks for reminding me--I'd totally forgotten about it. That actually makes a lot of sense considering my case, because while the guy who checked me out when I was younger noted that I'd fidget, make little noises or play with my hair/fingers/pencil etc. while I was having trouble with something, he (once again) didn't tie it to ADD.

And the difference between our "do it myself" mantras: you actually DO it, I just freak out and mess up a lot. XD Hehe. Still, it is INCREDIBLE to me that you managed all that AT ONCE, especially dealing with all the demands of a mother!! You're an inspiration, and I honestly can't thank you enough for all the help!!

[Bloo]

Aw Muse, thanks! Luckily my husband is now retired from the Navy. But when he was deployed it wasn't really a question of how to do it...it was just do it or else! Thankfully I have a great relationship with my mom and I had work to keep me focused on other things besides J not being home.

Billy and Mandy, hehe! I really like "Foster's" better but Dracula slays me. "Dracula still likes the ladies!" We just watched three "Foster's" before coming down for breakfast.

Oh, back on topic...I wonder if your former doc was going on old research and observations also. Not to fault him but hey, you're taking matters into your hands and seeking the help you need. Admitting you need help is the biggest step of all. When I finally made my first T appt in September one of my best friends told me, "Just because you have a good day doesn't mean you can back out. You need to go through with this."

[Perna]

Muse, I changed my major in college in my senior year (1971) and graduated in a wholly different subject than I expected to. Back in 2001 I started thinking about what I'd "regret" in another 25-30 years when I'm toward the end of my life and realized I still loved my original major subject so I went back to school and I'm getting a second BA in "my" subject next month :-)

The secret of the difference? Being interested in what I'm doing and doing it only for myself and because I want to do it. Oh, my new/old major is history :-) Whatever you are doing, whether history or reading or subjects you like or don't like, find an angle that is "yours" and go at it from there. I was taking a boring course and had to write a paper to "correct" a paper I'd already written! I wrote it entirely in verse/poetry! Took forever but the "challenge" kept me going and interested and, of course, since I was concentrating so hard to "translate" the material into poetry, I learned it extremely well.

Read your history "backwards" :-) Start from the end and go right/bottom to top/left. Figure out a "gimmick" that interests you and makes it fun but challenging and you won't mind so much doing what you need to do. If you like science/math better than history, for example, find a novel about a scientist or mathematician of whatever era you're studying in history and place them in the period and learn about the period that way. How did X war or ruler influence your guy? Read a section of your history book then read a section of the novel and see if you can "find" where they intersect. The "interesting"/personal bio will help you remember the rest. Get yourself involved. If you're learning geometry, have your father help you "build" something with all those angles and shapes (I recommend stairs, I have a hill I wanted to terrace and was working at how to do that with my husband's mathematical help) so it "clicks" in practical ways outside of a book. The more ways you can "see" something the better you'll understand/remember it.

[Perna]

Too, there are lots of learning "styles" - maybe you haven't found yours:

http://www.chaminade.org/inspire/learnstl.htm

[Bloo]

Perna, awesome link! I *knew* I was tactile but this confirms it. I don't crack open manuals unless it's a last resort. And the big reason I excelled in history was the hot professor (oo, he was a cutie!).

[muse]

VERY good advice, Perna, thank you, and too true--I really do have to be emotionally and intellectually invested in something before I can concentrate on it, but the bigger issue is whether or not I feel as though I CAN do it... whether it's something I'm good at and have the possibility of accomplishing. Most of the time I just get overwhelmed. ^.^ My learning style is mostly visual, which is why math is so difficult for me.

Bloo, tell your best friend she rocks. I needed to hear that quote. Sometimes I worry that I'll go to the doc for nothing and just be left with "it's your own fault/problem". Either way, though, I need to have SOMETHING to go on.

And I DID have a wonderful (that's an understatement, actually) day today, so THERE!!