My amazing ADD friend:)

Claire2015 · Jun 09, 2015, 11:54 AM

I started an all girls high school back in 2008 in London,England and soon became friends with a girl who seemed very bizarre at first. She would be so happy and funny then in an instant explode like an IED. I didn't take any notice of this though because everyone has good and bad sides.

We became closer friends in year 8 when we were in the same classes, i still tried to understand her as she would snap at people but be polite to people she liked.... Which is a huge transition from one second to the next... But i still liked her because she was a good friend none the less.

When we fell out boy did we fall out, to this day i have NEVER shouted at her but i do get annoyed with her and can be a lil snappy... My bad... Anywho when we fell out it would be over the smallest things which would make it seem like she has blown the situation out of proportion. Although she would explode i knew we would still be friends as we couldn't go longer than a few days without talking so one of us would apologise.

Fast forward a few years and she found herself in a loop of being in trouble, getting suspended, losing friends, boyfriends, arguing with her family, punching walls or other objects to alleviate her stress. This later lead to depression where she felt she couldn't do anything right, she felt she had no friends although her neighbour friend and I still adored her, she felt she lost the friends she hung out with.

In year 10 she unintentionally started a rumour about me which hurt me so i didn't talk to her for a few days till she popped up apologising for it saying she didn't mean it and that i was a good friend to her. So i forgave her because it takes courage to admit you're wrong. Then came her 16th.....she had a house party where she invited all her new friends, family, neighbour friend, boyfriend and a load of his friends whom she didn't know. She said nothing to me... Which is kind of strange because we talk everyday so surely i mean something to her?? A week away from her party and she is boasting about it in lesson to anyone that was near her. Still no mention of inviting me... So i just play it cool and act like im okay with it.

After her 16th i confronted her about why she didn't invite me and her answer was that her mum wouldn't allow anymore people. So i asked her if i mean't anything to her to which she replied "of course you do, to be honest you have been more of a friend to me than anyone" which made me think she was just making excuses to cover her tracks even though i was touched by the fact she thought i was more of a friend to her than anyone.

We got over that blip and continued talking everyday so we were good friends then i noticed she wasn't sleeping much and was always drained in school. I was worried about her so i asked why she hadn't been sleeping and she said she didn't know but she had too much on her mind that she found it hard to fall asleep. This would later on be another piece to the ADHD puzzle... She still had the same pattern of falling out with friends,family & boys although this didn't appear to phase her. It was as if she was used to it.... We had a boys school opposite and they use to taunt her and harass her to the point she couldn't walk out of school without boys shouting her name or calling her harsh nicknames, she had a load of rumours go around about her which obviously spread to our school and made lessons difficult.

I was there through it all but she would be furious if you tried to step in and help her as she felt she could handle it herself....this would also be another piece to the ADHD puzzle later on. She would appreciate it if you done something to help her once you done it... However if you mentioned to her before hand what you wanted to do she would get defensive and prevent you from getting involved.

Fast forward a few months and we are in college, we are still friends and do the same course. We saw eachother everyday and spoke 24/7 still which is the longest friendship i think she may of ever had that is consistent and isn't because we're neighbours or have to be in eachothers life but because we both want to be friends regardless of any drama. Not long after Christmas she told me she was diagnosed with ADD which i was not too familiar with so i decided to research it and educate myself on it.

I was proud of her for being so open about it with me because it can be a controversial subject to people who know very little about it or even doubt it's existence.... I read more into it and discovered all the tell tale signs of what she had been like over the years from the impulsiveness to the explosive behaviour (she is nicknamed blonde bombshell by her family haha) after all the years of confusion and questioning whether we really are friends or not it all made sense and i think it was a relief for her too as she knew what was going on. She always wondered why she could never quite reach the mark without straining herself or just completely giving up. She had the typical symptoms;
-impulsiveness
- daydreaming/easily distracted
-extreme emotions
-regular outbursts
-low self esteem
- low confidence
- shifts between tasks without completing them
- constantly finding ways to stimulate herself
- untityness
- spending hours on tasks that take half that time for non add'ers
- trouble keeping friends
- hyperfocusing
- sensitive to noises, smells etc
- trouble following instructions
- becoming overwhelmed when asked to do something on top of everything else
- accident prone (breaking a few bones etc)
- trouble following conversation in large groups or crowded places

Despite all this we are still friends and i personally think we are better friends because i know she has attention deficit and she knows i have an anxiety disorder so we both understand there a pros and cons to them both. We spoke a lot until she got a new boyfriend who i am not a fan of even though i am normally supportive of her relationships i feel he is not good enough for her and her mother says the same as me. Anyway we have been a bit more distant since she got kicked out of college for failing first year. Since she has been with this boy she has lost 2 friendship groups, been kicked out of college and has failed her driving 3 times although these may not necessarily have anything to do with him i think she has hyperfocused soooo intensely on him to the point she is oblivious her life is crumbling away slowly..... I try to step in and tell her but she gets very defensive and dismisses my opinion as irrelevant.. It is almost as if she likes getting lost in the hyperfocus because she can forget about her life for a while until that ends and reality hits her.

Regardless of this we still talk and hang out from time to time so i think i am very lucky to be able to say i have a friend like her, no one needs to know she has ADD they just need to realise how amazing she is and how she has a gift although she is suffering from it right now i hope one day i can convince her to try medication or natural remedies to alleviate the intense symtoms. Whether or not she is medicated she is the same friend to me, i wish i has ADD/HD just so we could live the interesting, amazing and exciting life of an add'er. I get upset when i see her fall out with friends she adores because i want nothing but the best for her, she deserves it after everything she has been through over the years. I hope one day she can say that she used to suffer from ADD but now just has it and that her life becomes easier for her and she uses her gift to go on to persue an amazing career.

Ever noticed how all the best people have ADD/HD? Britney Spears, Richard Brandon, Justin Timberlake and Einstein to name a few. I think over the years people just judged my friend before they got to know her and didn't give her a chance to express herself. Which is their loss so they can carry on with their boring lives with "normal" people whatever normal is.... I prefer to be different than to be a sheep. Anyway the point of this post is not to portray my friends life as a shambles but to show how much strength, determination and courage this girl has to be able to deal with all the stress and drama that she deals with on a daily basis. She is the strongest, politest, most caring friend i have ever met and i am soooo grateful to have her in my life as she has made me the person i am today.... Yes i may be 18 but i feel she has shaped me up to be a better person and i hope that i have done the same to her. ADHD gets a lot of stigma but it shouldn't do i think it shouldn't be portrayed as a disorder but an exciting, futuristic way of thinking and living (if that makes any sense) i never knew what ADD was until my friend told me she had it, i am so proud of her for being such a lovely, caring, generous, interesting and hilarious person. Anyone who deals with as much chaos and negativity as unmedicated add'ers ( and maybe even medicated add'ers.. Haven't seen that chapter of her life yet) and can still be so loving and caring when it is easier to become bitter and isolate yourself from your surroundings.

So i am going to continue to learn ways of helping her manage her ADD and hopefully help her regain control of her ferrari brain so to speak. I adore her to pieces regardless of all the drama, people who know she has ADD may refer to her as the girl with ADD but to me she is just my friend.. Thats it she is my best friend who happens to have an amazing imagination and powerful mind.

Claire