Adult ADD and relationships?

How does having AADD affect dating? How does it affect a relationship? I've definitely had girls get frustrated with my house keeping, and not paying attention when we have long conversations on the phone. Are there any hidden things I should know about?

Can't anyone pay attention long enough to make a post?
J/K LOL!

I am not currently in a relationship and haven't dated for a long time. I did notice that part of my add is interupting or getting bored reallly easy. If you let someone know right off you have aadd then they would understand or at least me prepared. I have read parts of the book you are reading I think you said you are reading a book, I think I had that book once and read parts of it only cant remember if we are allowed to talk about books so I won't say the name of it.

I guess I try to let others finish speaking before I say what seems like wants to explode out of my mouth, until they finish.

Good luck

Take Care,
Kris

I wish you the best, and the hope for a better day for us all, in out struggles no matter how large or small I wish hope for us all

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

Thanks.

Hi Todd,

I have been married for 7 years to my husband who is ADD. We dated for 5 years before we actually got married. I will give you a girls side of things. I feel my husband is emotionally not available for me because of his ADD. It seems that when I need him the most he can't seem to give me the support I need. It ranges from when I have been hospitalized, to having to resign from my 15 year job, not passing my nursing boards the first time around. These were times in my life that I really needed his support and he just didn't have it in him to give it to me. He is used to me being the tough one in charge of everything and when I am not he is not able to cope, so he gets involved in other things because he just doesn't know what to do as much as I explain to him that I need him. Mind you I am not at all a clingy female, I am tough and independant, but once in a while you crumble you know?
I am now getting very frustrated because I am the one who has to deal with everything from the financial aspect of things to the cleaning of the house (he is very messy because of his add).
Now on the bright side of things, we also have a great relationship in the sense that we respect each other, we do not scream at each other, we don't swear, he makes me pee my pants from laughing at his crazyness, and he thinks I am the smartest woman he has ever met. W

Recently because we have relocated to another state, (he was transferred from his job) I have been having a hard time, I am not working as of yet and have been needing emotional support that he just can't give me. It has started me thinking that it will probably allways be like this and I don't really want to continue in a relationship where I don't have emotional support.
So I guess what I am saying is try to pay enough attention to your girlfriend so that you know she needs you emotionally. All of the times I mentioned above where I needed emotional support are things that normally people would realize you need support, but for an ADD person it could be difficult to recognize.

I hope this was helpful and not discouraging.

Good luck

Gyra, I don't think ADD has anything to do with your husbands emotional distance, it's a problem more men have than women, maybe the book Men are from mars, women are from venus, and marriage counseling would help.

And thank you for the long and thoughtful reply.

Hi y'all! I'm 44 and was just diagnosed with ADD in March. You could have knocked me over with a feather when I filled out that questionaire and my doc said she thought that's what was going on. I didn't know if I believed it or not but I took the prescription straight to the drug store from the doc's office and took one right away, as soon as I got out to the car. Within an hour I knew that she had diagnosed me dead-on. What a relief! I have been taking Adderall ever since and it has saved my life. And I mean that literally. I was having suicidal thoughts and just really really depressed up til then even though I take meds for depression and anxiety. The Adderall was just the thing that I guess I needed.
Tracy

~TracyC~

I meant to say a thing or two about relationships also. I've been married going on 21 years, happily for the most part. My husband should be made a saint for putting up with me and all baggage that comes with. I've been battling depression an d anxiety and now ADD and he's been really supportive all along. I think he might be the exception to the rule where that's concerned. It's definitely put a strain on our marriage though, worse at some times than others, of course. I think it's affected my relationship with my kids the worse. I just haven't been the mother that I wanted to be to them. I just didn't have it in me, when I have been just trying to keep my head above water and living the day to day life. That's my biggest regret but I don't know what I could've done differently.
Tracy

~TracyC~

HI Tracy, welcome, it's nice to know isn't it?!

Yes...it is nice to know. Since I was diagnosed with ADD my whole life is starting to make sense. When I think back to my childhood and how things were....it all just makes so much sense now. I feel better just knowing that there's a reason for some of my past and present behavior like being impulsive.
Tracy

~TracyC~

Hi Tracy,

What kind of depression do you suffer from? I was diagnosed as BP II and the symptoms are very similar to that of ADD. My kids have suffered the most as you have said I have a hard time keeping my head above water. My husband has been supportive but he is at his wits end and I don't blame him since I don't really like living with me. I have to keep going; I do the best I can which unfortunately is not enough for him and really for me to. I think my meds are not right for me.

talk to you soon
littlep

Hello Gyra -

I am so relieved to read your posting. I too am married to someone (recently diagnosed) with ADD and can readily identify with your feelings. Some aspects of our relationship are really good but the longer we are together the worse the inadequacies in the relationship become. I find it particularly difficult to be the one who always has to hold us together financially. It is also very frustrating to live in a house that is always a wreck especially when he is always at home not working and I am always working. More and more often I find myself thinking of getting out of the relationship but then I feel guilty for the thought of abandoning him, especially since he would likely end up homeless at some point for want of being able to hold down a job. I feel trapped.