Do you think my husband has ADD?

I've read about ADD/ADHD online, and some of it describes my husband (let's call him Joe), but some of it doesn't. He doesn't seem to have the hyperactivity factor, for one.

Can I please describe him to you and get your opinion on whether this sounds like ADD? I've mentioned the possibility of ADD to him in the past, but he kind of brushed it off. Maybe he just needs more convincing.

We've been married 15 years. A few years into our marriage, he was fired from his job for being chronically late. He got another job. His boss wanted to fire him for being chronically late (1/2 hour, or up to an hour late or more sometimes), but Joe was too good at his job and his boss stuck it out for about 9 years. During that time his boss offered a bonus if Joe could be on time all week, but even money didn't motivate him (even though he is a spender). The business closed and Joe started his own, similar business.

When he's at work he seems to have a hard time getting started on something that he knows needs to be done, especially if it's something he doesn't want to do. He'll distract himself for a couple hours first. When he does get started, he seems to have the ability to focus for a long time (but more so on things of personal interest) although he does lose track of time.

He continues to be chronically late to service calls. He stays up late playing video games or on social media and has a hard time going to bed. He HATES talking about his problem, but he has told me that he gets distracted by his interests and loses track of time. If I say anything negative to him, he gets very defensive, shuts down, withdraws and things get worse. I've had to train myself to stay positive even though inside I'm in turmoil. Recently he admitted to me that he is a complete failure at being on time. If I ask something like, "Can you commit to coming to the office at 9?" he'll say, "I can say I'll commit, but I'll tell you right now that I'm going to fail." He also told me he doesn't think he'll be able to keep a job if the business doesn't work out.

I recently put our young child in daycare and started working full time to help him with the business. Now our business is in danger of failing and instead of this motivating him to work his tail off alongside me to save it, he declares that he is not motivated and seems to be wallowing in discouragement, barely putting in any effort.

He also hates doing chores, but has told me if I need help I should just ask. But I hate asking for help because his reaction is never positive.

Does this sound like ADD or is he just an irresponsible man who puts his personal interests above his responsibilities? How might an ADD diagnosis help him? Thank you for reading!

Hi SalGB.

Whenever symptoms impede or cause distress it is always best to seek medical intervention. Knowledge is power, so your husband would certainly benefit from having his symptoms investigated. A definitive diagnoses of ADD or ADHD is often quite involved...but your first port of call would be to speak with a GP, then progress from there.

I also see that this is your first post here. For those who feel alone, or simply wanting to reach out for a chat without judgement......this is the place. There are many good listeners here... we're a pretty good bunch.

I have been an active member of this site for more than 3 years. In that time I have received some really constructive feedback and connected with several others with similar challenges to myself. I have also found hanging out in the Games Forums to be a welcome distraction in times of stress... a great way to clear my head, meet like minded others, and have some well needed fun. New members also benefit greatly from perusing the many forums available here...lots to explore.

Also after 5 approved posts members have the option to join the chatrooms..or chat one on one with other members.

Should you have any questions on navigating this site, please don't hesitate to private message me or any of the other Community Liaisons who will be more than happy to help. Just click on the screen name above my avatar.

Please be kind & generous to yourself SalGB, and welcome to P.C

We can't diagnose people here. And it seems your husband is all over the map. It sounds to me that that your husband has some issues with being immature and irresponsible. He's already setting himself up to get away with not having a job by saying "oh i don't think I can keep a job" He is a big kid. Staying up late, not wanting to get up in the morning. As for chores. It's not an "if you need help" kind of situation. He has a responsiblity to do them.

Trying sitting down with him and working out a sharing of chores. He has his and he does them without you asking.

Sometimes we can fall into a situation of enabling loved ones by taking over more and more responsibility for them. It's a dangerous trap to fall into.

If he truely has some kind of disorder he needs to get medically evaluated. Again that is his responsibility to do that. Even when we are mentally ill we need to be responsible for our own actions. Best of luck to you.