[pgolg]

God, where do I start. I can't beleive there is actually people out there just like me. I've been struggling with these symptoms my whole life. Most people who know me just think of me as irresponsible, lazy, and my favorite, scatterbrained. The past 10 years or so I've been through a lot, and my PCP diagnosed me with depression and I've been on: Wellbutrin (1st) then Zoloft for 2 years, and it stopped working (if it ever really did) and this past October I switched to Effexor XR. To be honest, I never really noticed a difference with any of them. I know what real depression feels like cause I had it after my 3 year old daughter was born and that was when the antidepressant really helped and I felt it work. The rest of me has never changed.
Well, I've always been someone who could not hold my attentiion on one thing for long. I start doing a bunch of different things at the same time with GREAT excitement, only to finish none of them. I have ALWAYS been an extremely messy person. Its not that I don't want to be clean, it just seems like I cant. I can get something clean and in literally hours or even minutes I mess it up again somehow. I always think to my self that my house and my car look like my brain feels. BEING IMPULSIVE -- o my, that is my middle name. I ran up our credit card bills buying things that are stupid, unneeded, etc. Like in the quiz how they mention static in the brain -- I almost cried cause that sounds like me!!!
About two years ago I had some life altering health problems. After the birth of my son (which was a very traumatic birth) I had a 4th degree tear and it pretty much destroyed my pereneal area. I developed RSD (reflexive sympathetic disorder) in all places but the rectum!!! I was in severe pain constantly, and had several surgeries, including a temporary ileostomy. During all of this I was prescribed a ridiculous amount of pain killers because really I did need them to function. I also really, really liked how they made me feel. They got me away from myself, and I developed a serious addiction even after the nerve block worked and I started purchasing them online. I got to the point that I knew I needed to stop, so I went to a wonderful outpatient rehab and I felt like I leaned a lot about myself. I attend Narcotics Anonymous meetings regularly and I have a home group and I sponsor. Even previously I used alchohol to "self-medicate" fron my teen years on. I will have 90 days clean on May 1st and I never want to go back to that again!!
I have to say that I really have no desire for alcohol, and I know I can never take another pain killer. But . . . here I am stuck with myself again: slob, scatterbrained, lazy, (now ex-drug addict) irresponsible, forgetful, late, yadda, yadda, yadda. I decided to take the adult add test cause that was suggested to me by my therapist at rehab. It took my forever to find a psychiatrist who would see me, it seems they don't like to see ex-drug addicts. Just by talking to him on the phone, he even asked if I was ever diagnosed with ADD. I go to see him this wednesday, and I can't wait to talk to him and see what my psych evaluation tells me and if I am treatable.
My main concern is that with my history of drug abuse, will they be able to prescribe me any medication? All I want to to focus my mind. I want to stop it from going and going and being so unorganized and scattered. I want to finish things that I have started, stop being impulsive and live like a normal person. When I am out I look at other people and wish that I could be as together as they are or at least as they appear to be. I have a marraige that is seriously failing because my husband just cant take it anymore, and I also have a 5 year old and a 3 year old and I want to be a good mom and I feel as though I cant. I've been reading about the different drugs and I saw that strattera doesn't work as well and takes threee weeks to work. I would love to use something that works right away, and I feel I wouldn't abuse it if it really makes me feel more focused and together, because ultimately, that is all I want. Maybe they could just monitor me more closely or something??
Is there anyone else out there that has a history of chemical dependancy and is being treated for ADD and what works for them? I read that alcholism and drug abuse is common in people with ADD/ADHD. Please someone let me know. I haven't been formally diagnoswed, but it has made me feel so much better just to know that maybe I am not the lousy person that most people think I am. Sorry for the long post
So . . . now here I am left with myself

[chaotic13]

pqolq,
Wecome to PC, there are a lot of US here :-)

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I read that alcoholism and drug abuse is common in people with ADD/ADHD.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
This may be because ADHD is difficult to diagnose and frequently cause difficulties in interpersonal skills. Alcohol and drug abuse can be way that individuals self medicate and cope with these difficulties.

[pgolg]

Thank you. I am so happy that I am not the only one like this. I almost feel that I am not a drug adict and that is not my real problem. Even when I go to meetings I can't relate because it is really not drugs that I crave. I just want to be normal like other people and to be happy with myself.

[crazybones]

yeah evry1 here at sometime or another has helped someone here but it is important not to let any one else get you down in life