parenting tips?

Hi,

I'm interested in knowing if anyone has found any techniques especially helpful for handling the behavior problems that often go along with ADD/ADHD? Alot of the threads here are related to trying to find the right med combination. I agree that that is important, but unfortunately, often meds only get you halfway there. So I wanted to provide a forum here for us to share ideas on what we can do when the doctor has done all he/she can.

I'll start: My best recommendation is to get a book like "1,2,3 Magic" and follow the advice there. In addition to the basic parenting advice there, I would add to decrease stimulation when the child is especially distractable/hyper. For example, given the choice between Chuck-e-cheese and a typical pizza place, go for the quieter, less chaotic environment.

Any other ideas? Any good books?

-ft

No means no do not ever ever go back on what you have said,

Broken record if you have to ie no .. no .. no .. no ..

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fellowtraveler said:
Hi,

I'm interested in knowing if anyone has found any techniques especially helpful for handling the behavior problems that often go along with ADD/ADHD? Alot of the threads here are related to trying to find the right med combination. I agree that that is important, but unfortunately, often meds only get you halfway there. So I wanted to provide a forum here for us to share ideas on what we can do when the doctor has done all he/she can.

I'll start: My best recommendation is to get a book like "1,2,3 Magic" and follow the advice there. In addition to the basic parenting advice there, I would add to decrease stimulation when the child is especially distractable/hyper. For example, given the choice between Chuck-e-cheese and a typical pizza place, go for the quieter, less chaotic environment.

Any other ideas? Any good books?

-ft

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<font color="blue">I completely agree that meds only get you halfway there with ADHD, be they kids or adults. I think that sports for all ADHD kids are good. They expend energy in a good way, and teach kids important skills about interacting with others. Self confidence can really be given a boost. Martial arts I also highly recommend in addition to the team sports. ADHD kids need self confidence, and they also need a place and way to channel their energy to good things.

Creative arts of all kinds, and games that challenge an extremely fast thinker (which is what an ADHD child is) are integral!!! Never let the child believe they are stupid because their grades won't always show it. If an ADHD child channels their energy in these positive ways, you won't have as much of a problem with them. Child psychologists are usually great in working with ADHD kids behavioral problems and self esteem. They can also use cognitive games to work on the child's working memory, which is affected a great deal in ADHD.

Parental involvement in any kids life is the key, but it has to be positive involvement. Many parents are ill-equipped to understand ADHD kids and become easily frustrated. High numbers of ADHD kids are abused.
I think that if a parent is balanced and tempered with loving patience, then their kid will turn out alright, no matter what the diagnosis. Parents need to take care of themselves also, and if this means they see a psychologist and take up running or something, then do it---the consequences are far too great. Parental self-neglect makes for a frustrated, angry, depressed, and even resentful parent. Kids are very intuitive and pick this up. The child's self esteem and relationships with others can be affected negatively and enduringly, developing depression and anxiety as time goes on, making a very unhappy young adult.

Parents have it tough! </font>

I have a lot of ADHD symptoms and am a parent too. It does make parenting a challenge, as well as other parts of my life. I can be very forgetful and flit from one thing to another, and my kids do take advantage of this. For example, I will tell them to do something and then I will totally forget and so won't hold them accountable. So I try to write some of the things down, for both me and them. For example, before I leave for work, I will make a list with 3 chores that they should do. That way they have it in writing and when I return from work, I can read the note and remember what all I had asked them to do. Just seeing the note is a memory prompt for me, even if I don't read it.

FT,

I teach special education students and have had a lot of students with AD/HD. I have ADD myself and so does my 9 year old daughter.

1) I would like to see all of the "half-way completed" projects added together, so two of these would equal one completed project. Can somebody do this for me? (My real point here is my use of wording - "half-way completed" instead of incomplete)

2) Seriously, though, I think the first step is accepting the person with AD/HD. I find that this is the number one thing that makes a student successful. I allow them to get up and walk around the room, I allow them to talk as much as I can without it negatively impacting their education, and try to provide a safe environment where they are not afraid of losing things, and where they are not continually punished for their AD/HD traits. Some people say that I am not holding them accountable for their actions, but the way the students react proves otherwise. This helps them gain self-esteem and start building self-worth. I have seen students go from being nonreaders to being motivated to read chapter books on their own in one school year.
--BTW, as a parent, I unfortunately find that it is more difficult to deal with these characteristics in an unbiased manner in your own child than it is in others. I have to constantly work at this because it can be very frustrating having to try to organize your own child when you yourself have issues. I'd love advice on this one myself!

As for a book, one of my favorites is "Laziness is a Myth" by Mel Levine. This book isn't necessarily for people with AD/HD, but it helped me understand my lack of motivation, etc. It talks about executive functioning, or organizational skills.

I just took my daughter to a psychologist (whose specialty is AD/HD) for testing and he recommended, " AD/HD and Education" by Sydney Zentall.

* I think remembering to be constructive, not punitive when dealing with their short comings. ADHD suffers (most people in general) don't need to hear how they screwed up. What they need is some helpful ideas on how to avoid the mistakes in the future. If other ADHD sufferers are like me... I hear a lot of criticism thought out the day both from myself and others. We really don't need to hear more, positive constructive comment are much better received.

* Above all do not continually make comparisons to siblings who are not afflicted with the challenges of ADHD. I hate to hear statements like, "Mary doesn't seem to have a problem remembering where her pencil and paper are? "Joey, is able to sit still and behave in church." NOT HELPFUL AT ALL!

* I think trying to identify what specific thing causes difficultly and address this issue. If it is following through with instructions, then take time to break things them down into simple steps, pause to check for understanding, and then praise them for completing the step before moving to the next step.

Be focused and deliberate yourself when attempting to help them stay on task. Many times when situations blow up or spin out of control in my house it is because I was not attentive enough in nipping things in the bud. Multi-tasking does not work well when dealing with ADHD, IMO.As much as it totally sucks sometimes to take the 10 minutes to sit down and attentively supervise homework, it is so much better than putting them alone at the kitchen table and coming back an hour later and only to find that they haven't even started yet.

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Soliaree said:
FT,

I teach special education students and have had a lot of students with AD/HD. I have ADD myself and so does my 9 year old daughter.

1) I would like to see all of the "half-way completed" projects added together, so two of these would equal one completed project. Can somebody do this for me? (My real point here is my use of wording - "half-way completed" instead of incomplete)

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Excellent point.

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2) Seriously, though, I think the first step is accepting the person with AD/HD. I find that this is the number one thing that makes a student successful. I allow them to get up and walk around the room, I allow them to talk as much as I can without it negatively impacting their education, and try to provide a safe environment where they are not afraid of losing things, and where they are not continually punished for their AD/HD traits. Some people say that I am not holding them accountable for their actions, but the way the students react proves otherwise. This helps them gain self-esteem and start building self-worth. I have seen students go from being nonreaders to being motivated to read chapter books on their own in one school year.

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Why couldn't you have been one of my teachers????

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--BTW, as a parent, I unfortunately find that it is more difficult to deal with these characteristics in an unbiased manner in your own child than it is in others. I have to constantly work at this because it can be very frustrating having to try to organize your own child when you yourself have issues. I'd love advice on this one myself!

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Do you also work with your own therapist on this issue?
Your child's psychologist would also be an excellent resource. I'm sure he has tips that aren't in the book he recommended. He deals with frustrated parents ADHD kids and the ADHD kids themselves all day long. Imagine that one... obviously he must deal with it constructively or he would have imploded by now.
I always recommend exercise and scheduled fun and/or relaxing breaks. You know, breaking up projects into chunks works well with the break concept, as you can work on one designated chunk of work at a time, and at the start of the next "chunk" you can take a relaxation break. That way you can have more energy and become less frustrated when working with your "double trouble" ADHD household.

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I just took my daughter to a psychologist (whose specialty is AD/HD) for testing and he recommended, " AD/HD and Education" by Sydney Zentall.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> My mother had two ADHD kids. 20 years ago, we didn't know even half of what we know today about ADHD (and we still don't know very much). I think we gave our mom grey hair early.

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sunrise said:
For example, I will tell them to do something and then I will totally forget and so won't hold them accountable. So I try to write some of the things down, for both me and them. For example, before I leave for work, I will make a list with 3 chores that they should do. That way they have it in writing and when I return from work, I can read the note and remember what all I had asked them to do. Just seeing the note is a memory prompt for me, even if I don't read it.

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Great idea! You know what's really funny? My own mother used that trick with me. I always hated those lists back then. ... maybe because that way my ADD couldn't get me out of doing the work! ...now I like, need and survive by lists. Go figure!