[green_thumbs_up]

I just found this site a day or so ago. I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD at this point, but I'm at the very beginning of the "discovery" process. I just spoke with my PCP about the possibility of my having ADHD - after a number of questions, he said it's a possibility, and advised me to seek a psychiatrist. That's the point I am at now (trying to find one).

I'm a 35 year old guy. I've always known things didn't quite work "correctly" with me, but like with many things, it never occurred to me it could be ADHD. So many things just don't occur to me, regardless of how obvious they may be. I can shove dishes into the already full dishwasher a hundred times, and it won't ever occur to me to actually turn it on. And I don't even have an aversion to doing it! It was only somewhat recently a friend of mine adopted a 13 year old boy who has ADHD. And even then, it was only after a conversation with him one day where he was telling me general behaviors his son has and how they deal with them. As we were speaking, I was thinking - hey, that sounds a lot like things I do. I've always been frustrated with how I am because I know I am a smart person, but I can never remember anything. I just seem so damn ditzy. I feel like a rocket scientist trapped in a dumb blond's body, lol.

It's taken several more months since then for me to take any action, not because I don't want to know, but because I could never *remember* to do any research into the issue. After reading here, I find that there are so many things I can relate to - I love to read, but I don't read paragraphs as written - I deconstruct them boucing around and then put them back together in my mind, I have no impulse control, particularly with money, I have the short term memory of a dead fruit fly, and the list goes on. Some days I do okay (today's an "okay" day), but some days (like yesterday) I get just numb - only it's not really numb, it's the opposite of numb where there are so many things blazing through my mind that I can't catch any other them so I'm just... helpless. Helpless is all I can think to describe it.

I don't mean to paint a sad, horrible picture, though. I don't have a bad life. I actually love my life and believe I have a good one. I'm generally a pretty happy person and I like to laugh. I'm in a 9 year relationship that is doing well. I have a great and close-knit family. Tons of other things, but suffice to say I'm generally happy. But I get frustrated with myself sometimes. I have discovered things that help me in the past - like making lists of "to do" things. That worked great for about a week or so, while I could remember to make the lists. Unfortunately, I kept forgetting to make lists. That eventually died out, leading to more frustration. I try to keep things on my calendar on my phone. That works ok - using reminders for paying monthly bills and such. I find that when I can stick to or get into a routine, I do okay. If for any reason that routine breaks, everything falls apart. Plus, once a routine breaks, it's even harder to get back into it, and I'm more likely to not stick with it. lol, which leads me to lack of willpower. Things I don't want to do or aren't interested in are excrutiatingly difficult to even start, much less complete. On the other hand, I tend to hyperfocus on things I am interested in to the point of obsession. And all things that fall somewhere in between very often get started and never completed.

I have a lot of good friends, but I often find myself preferring to be alone. I have trouble carrying or paying attention to conversations. In groups or crowded places, I typically don't take part in conversations because I can't follow anything going on. On the other hand, in situations where I'm comfortable, I can ramble on like there's no tomorrow bouncing from topic to topic with wreckless abandon without ever fully covering any of them (anyone watch "Designing Women"? Think Charlene. That's a female me). And then not have any idea what I just talked about or what the original topic was. I can meet a person and ask their name, and immediately after not have a clue what they just told me it was. I had another one, but it just popped out of my head. In truth, there are so many other things, I just can't remember them right now. Oh... reminded me of another big one for me. I have no memory recall. Ask me my best friend's name and I'll not be able to tell you. I might have even just said it in regard to something else I was taling about. His name will have just flown out of my head like I'd never known it.

Well, I've rambled on here enough. It's comforting and and a little exciting to know there may be an anwer for me (i.e. "prognosis", not "cure"), but I look forward to finding it, whether it's ADHD or something else. Then I can settle into dealing with it!

[blah__x]

hi green_thumb_up. i can relate alot to what your saying but i think my absent-mindednes has more to do with depression. anyway i just wanted to say welcome to PC and i hope you find this site supportive and helpful. dont hesistate to ask for any help or to PM me anytime.

cheers with life,
Gabriel.

[green_thumbs_up]

Thanks, Gabriel. I'm still playing phone tag with a psychiatrist at this point, so nothing to report. Hopefully soon, I'll know something!

[Vala]

It sounds like you just described my entire life. With a few minor differences of course. I only just found out yesterday that ADHD was a possible reason for all or most of my general brain-fluff. Before looking at this website I hadn't even considered it.

[Dora_Long]

I can so totally relate. I use lots of 'tricks' and they help, some more than others. The lists are great as long as they don't end up in the pile of papers on the counter and you forget where they are. It took me months too, to get an appointment made because I kept forgetting.

Oh, and I was going to mention before -- when I was on Strattera, I did a self-test IQ (I monotor mine for various reasons every 2 or 3 months) and on medication, it jumps up above my previous average by about fifteen points. That's signifigant; I didn't feel any 'smarter' on the medication, but I was more effective in testing. Which means when I'm headed for a heavier classload in school, it's time to get on medication again.

Good luck with your search for better ways of living!

[monica80]

I really totally relate!! I've always been pretty smart, but as my ADD symptoms have worsened over time (I was on ADD meds til 7th grade, then went off them) I totally feel like a ditz even tho I'm really smart! It is such a horrible feeling knowing you are capable of so much, and being frustrated. I do and say so many "blonde" things... like saying I'm having a blonde moment to a blonde person!

Ok not just that but silly things, like not knowing how to react in a given situation, or knowing the answer to a question, but not being able to share it in spoken words. I started to feel SO DUMB, and my frustration was such that I took it out on my family. So the sent me to a therapist. :P That's when I was diagnosed (again) with ADD at age 27, just a few months ago. The medication helped a little, but it's just not the total fix i wanted it to be.

[MotherMarcus]

:th_b47a7478: Wow ! That's quite a ramble ! I think you and I must be related. LOL.