adderal vs no adderal

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 4, I obviously wasn't given an option of being medicated or not so from then on I was medicated. I hated being medicated, It made me feel like I was trapped. I wanted to get up and run around be something was holding my energy in but it was still there. I could feel it I just could use that energy. This made it impossible to sleep at night and if I did it was only for 4 or 5 hours a night. Then when I was 7 they diagnosed me with dyslexia. Pretty much all through elementary and middle school I was stuck in a room with maybe one other person and I was given random work and no help. I was told by many teachers that I would never graduate high school and I would never go to college. I basically taught myself everything I know. I graduated high school pretty much without opening a book all through high school. I really don’t know how I did it.
I am now in my second semester of college and just recently stopped taking ADHD medication. I got to the point where I was sick of what my medicine did to me. I was never happy and I never wanted to do anything. I had become obsessed with doing my homework and studying and I never talked to anyone because the medication made me so anxious.
After I stopped medicating I began to feel better but, now when I’m at school when I try to listen the information literally goes in one ear and right out the other. I can’t retain any information. My grades are very low. Last semester I had a 3.8 GPA and this semester I’m hardly passing my classes.
Has anyone had any similar experiences? I’m looking for ways to work on focusing without medication. How do I go about deciding if I want to be miserable and pass through college well or do I keep trying without medicating. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Thank you to those of you who actually read this rant. I am open to ANY suggestions.

Absolutely. I am dealing with a very similar situation. The main difference is I was 28 when I was diagnosed. Adderal was a god sent for me. My thoughts were so organized & clear. I sometimes wonder if they had the same stuff around in high school if I would have dropped out.
I was eventually diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, bi-polar & PTSD as well. I was then also put on paxil. I stopped sleeping & had a variety of problems. I completely stopped taking the meds. My grades slipped some & I eventually stopped going. I am only 19 credits away.

I have resently started taking the adderall again along with other meds & it instantly kicks in. I feel less anxiety when I can organize my thoughts. I felt like a weak person for needing a pill to help me.

I would suggest talking to your doc about a different medication that may not have the same effects as the adderall.

I know it is pure hell though to try to adjust psych med's during a college semester. If you have a bad reaction, it's not like the professors are going to give a damn. They will just move on as though you don't exist.
at least that is my experience with a few exceptions.

My wife does say that I socialize less with her when I'm on the adderall & I have noticed I get agitated easier on my current med's. But I am willing to deal with that to be able to mentally function.

when i was first accurately diagnosed i was givv'n ritilin.. it worked the way i needed but it was 'dirty' to me, like come'n down from acid or xtc in my younger days. gratefully they changed it to adderall, which did not have the negative street-drug feel'n.
my family did and still has issues w/ the fact that i'm suddenly so 'high functioning' when i'm on it. too fucused, yes, and kinda 'absent'.
it is a difficult compromise.. THEY were not in my skin when it crawled w/insecurity and inadequacy. THey were used dependence on them and the helplessness that made them feel necessary to me.
it's a whole 'nuthr game and the adjustment is disconcerting and difficult.
there may be other, newer types or different doses your doc could try w/ u..
you ARE intelligent and need to give yourself evry advantage, u dont need2 feel like a loser or a failure because u r choosing to disable your brain by NOT take'n 'em.. just my opinion.
BETrue2YOU!

Yeah, I was on Ritalin till I was 17 and then I changed over to adderall. I know that I can be smart and I know that I can do the school work it's just so hard to focus on what I am doing when I'm not medicated. When I am medicated however I just feel miserable.... It's a really difficult situation. Very frustrating. Thank you both for your input and advice I really appreciate the relies!

((((((((((((((((((((forgotten)))))))))))))))))

As long as people aren't asking me if i'm all right, i am alright.

Thank you very much for the hugs puffy, they are much needed.

OMG!! I have ADHD / Dyslexia and I am still not medicated....for the very reasons you stated! When I was in school, (I started first grade at 4 because I could read...Mom's a teacher) they did not yet know about these conditions! I used to get tied into my seat w/ a jump rope at school!!And YOU know that, Dyslexia combined w/ ADHD is like Dyslexia at WARP Speed !!
Now that they came out w/ the non-stimulent ADHD med., "Stratterra" I am willing to try medication.
Even w/out medication, I was able to graduate from Ohio State in 1983......but I failed to get the grades I needed for Veterinary School ! I just always thought EVERYone had to use a ton of energy to concentrate and study! Therefore, I compensated and pushed through. It took me nearly 6 years to get through what most do in 4 yrs!....and I had to take a year off in the middle! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! It makes me SO angry to think: "Coulda, should, woulda"! GGGRRRRRRR!!!! As usual, I was not in sync w/ the rest of the world! There was NO diagnosis OR treatment in 1959!
I could have BEEN somebody!

Hence, my ED, Anorexia, has developed because it is THE only thing I can "DO"! It is the only thing that is HARD to do and most can't! But I CAN! Now that's a sick sense of accomplishment! I have NO self esteem regardless of my "Mensa" status! This all just sux! And my father and bf have just pummeled what little self esteem I do have, that, I am having to distance myself from the abuse until I feel "stable"!
All the stress has landed me in the psych ward 3x this year! My most recent was a 2 week stay after yet another suicide attempt!
They say I have "Borderline Personality Disorder".....but I'm begining to think that the BPD symptoms are mimicking the ADHD/Dyslexia symptoms!!!
The sensory "blurring" of the Dyslexia can drive you NUTS!! It also causes phobias!!

I REALLY want to try medication! NOW!! I have an appt. w/ the hosp. shrink on Wednesday. Shabbat Shalom! Hannah

I am kinda new here and so far I have found so much to help me understand what my son is going through. I am the anti-doctor person in my family. I have always felt that if I need a Doctor I will go see a Vetrinarian. In fact the last time I saw a doctor for myself was for food poisoning in Tuba City, AZ.. While hooked up to IV's and all that, I made the comment, albiet rather dumbly, that "I hate doctor's, are there any Vet's around?" Suprisingly enough.. the Doc working on me laughed and said "Your talking to one."
Why the story? I watch me son struggle with ADD and I feel so "pent up" inside because this is something I have no control over... I cant take it from him. I cant do it for him.. God knows if I could I would take all his embarassment, confusion, and fear from him and keep it for me.. But I can't. i can only rely on the ones I dont trust, to help me make my decisions. Your cross is yours to bear, as my sons cross is his... If your need to take something to help you bear that cross... its no different than me having to admit I need a doctor when I have food poisoning. or I need my cup of coffee in the morning to just get going, or a hundred other things to make life move along in the most successful way I can. I dont have ADD.. I dont think I do anyhow. but I have been through rough times, Very rough times. The crutches I used to get through those times where the hardest to use, but I wouldnt have made it without them..
you can call anything you want a weakness. Not trusting Dr's is one of my many weakness'. along with three great kids who have written the words "sucker" acrossed my forehead. My son is a very smart boy.. when the moments of clarity come, or he gets super interested in something.. the sky is the limit.. stuff comes out of his head that I could never have thought of. I guess that makes his inventions and victories that much sweeter

Oh my gosh, I amazed by this thread because there is so much that relates to me and my experiences. I also was diagnosed with ADD later in life, AnnaHanna, and when you said, "I coulda been somebody" I know exactly what you mean. I also have a child with ADD, Abby'sdad, and you describe so well some of the agony I have had as a parent, watching my child struggle with it.

There is one main difference. The drugs youall have taken with success have not worked for me. Ritalin and adderal have not worked for me or my daughter. In fact, my daughter had a semi-severe reaction to adderal, so it seems scary to me. She had some success with an old-fashioned drug, nortriptyline (probably misspelled), which in essence sometimes is effective for focusing even though it is technically an anti-depressant. I have had good success with Paxil for depression and anxiety. My daughter was hospitalized for major depression over winter break from college where she is a junior. Part of the cause of that episode was that she had decided to go off her medication, and after a few weeks, found she could not focus at all. This caused her to panic, but she kept trying and trying to push herself, and just could not do it. Eventually she ended up in the hospital, and is now back on medication, back in college, and recovering fairly well. The entire episode was very frightening and upsetting, for both her and her family.

In the hospital they put her on a new medication. It's straterra, which was mentioned earlier. It seems to work very well for her. She also has a new antidepressent, the name of which is not coming to me at this moment. The combination of these two seems good for her. In fact, having observed her, I am considering giving Straterra a try.

It is so wonderful to communicate with other AD/HD people. We are such a unique group, and non-AD/HDers have a really, really hard time understanding what we go through. We have a hard time understanding WHY we are going through it, or why we do things so differently from the majority of the world, but we do know that all of us with AD/HD have similarities, so we may be different from the non-AD/HDers, but we are like each other in many ways. That was a very long sentence.....oh well. Anyway, this understanding is what makes me feel so good communicating with you all. It makes me not feel so alone and so "different" (read: defective).

That's all for now. I'll be interested in whatever anyone has to say in this thread or other ADD-related threads. Thanks, guys! LizzyB

By the way, I have always disliked doctors too

Don't I recall correctly that you are married to a Dr.? And that he has ADD? And he is very supporting and caring with all your struggles?

And to the matter at hand, I dose my concerta in a way that I can choose the level of effect, i.e., if I want to be hyperfocused and unaware of time I take less. It has helped me strike a balance between the positive and negative effects of both the medication and the ADD.

Well, yeah, of course I am married to a doctor, but he's an eye doctor, not an R. D. (stands for Real Doctor), LOL.
"Don't I recall correctly that you are married to a Dr.? And that he has ADD? And he is very supporting and caring with all your struggles?"

But yes, you are correct, I am lucky enough to have a husband who is very understanding and supportive.

Unfortunately, dosage doesn't seem to make too much difference for me with Concerta or Ritalin or those types of stimulant medications. I know it can be a lifesaver for some, however. So can Adderal, apparently. Not for everyone, though.

Shalom AnaHanah...
You really should be more gentle on yourself. Comparing yourself to other people isn't fair. Everyone has their own challenges and life circumstances they are born into. Accept the past. It happened. Now you are here. You didn't do too badly, and you can still achieve much, much more. It's up to what you decide to do with your given days. The past had different circumstances than you do now.

If you have ever have any sort of problem in the world and you want to solve it...like a certain goal you want to meet but you don't know exactly how lets say---first begin by isolating the problem. No generalizations here; not helpful. Then get real specific on what the problem is, and design a planned, deliberate, calculated solution. If you want to be a veterinarian, it's not too late. You can always go back to school and get a second bachelors, or take a 2 year associate program and a much more reduced rate. If you decide to take the associate degree program at a 2 year college, you can transfer to a four year college if you want a different four year degree. You could take a 2 year veterinarian technician associate degree at a two year college, which might help you decide what way you want to go. With ADHD treated, you can go far. Just mindfully work on ADHD problems as they occur. This usually takes professional help.

You ARE somebody. Consider tackling the low self esteem that ADHD has brought to you with your therapist. You do see a talk therapist (not a psychiaTRIST/MD), right? Medication is only half the answer, especially the longer the ADHD has gone untreated like for us who were only diagnosed as adults. You aren't alone; there's a billion of us out there.

(((((LizzyB))))))
What you described as happening to your ADHD college student daughter is VERY common! This is one of the consequences of having go unchecked. I'm a college student myself, and I've had my own struggles with ADHD related anxiety and depression. Lucky for me, I had something kick me in my arse that lead me to seeing a clinical psychologist once a week for talk-therapy. ADHD is one of his interest areas, and he's very good with adults who have it. Psychiatrists are fine, and so are other doctors... but only for certain things.

A lot of adults with ADHD end up at some point in their lives with anxiety and depression problems stemming from untreated or unchecked ADHD. There are no drugs that are panaceas for any disorder. By your daughter having a talk-therapist to speak with about her ADHD and other problems once a week, you could have her being proactive on working on her problems in addition to the medication monitoring with a psychiatrist or other M.D. It is best for your daughter to have a knowledgeable, skilled psychotherapist in which to discuss these things with, and also monitor her progress so that she doesn't backslide (and that if she does she's caught before she crashes).

Just my two cents. It's great that you are such a supportive and knowledgeable (and patient) parent of an ADHD college kid... the support can make a huge difference.

PS: I wanted to add that seeing a talk therapist (clinical/counseling psychologist; a LCSW) for ADHD or any problem (like co-occurring depression/anxiety problems stemming from ADHD for instance) is really about taking back and feeling more in control. That is very important for us all.

Hi,
I really feel for you. But I have some ideas-
You've gotten some really good advice from people here. Let me add:

- you might want to talk to your doc about a short acting med that you ONLY take when you really feel you need it- like during lectures, taking exams, writing papers.

- it's not clear to me whether you've tried other medications. Ideally, ADHD meds shouldn't make you feel trapped or different. So it's possible that you haven't explored other medical options yet.

- if you've been diagnosed with ADHD, the college should be able to provide you with supports so that you can be more successful in school. Talk to someone at the disability office (it may be called something else) and find out what they can do for you. Some accommodations that ADHD students can get are note takers, extended time taking exams, being in a quiet room during exams, etc.

- if meds are still not an option, consider exercise. Dr. John Ratey writes about this extensively in his latest book, Spark. In addition, meditation can do wonders, too.

I hope you find a solution to your difficulties.

Regards,

Terry Matlen, ACSW

Hi! I was diagnosed with ADHD 3 years ago at the age of 40. I take a low dose of adderall (generic) 10mg in the morning to get me going and helps me focus just enough to study. I am in grad school pursuing marriage and family counseling. The work is a lot of reading and writing essays and without the meds, I get frustrated and angry. When it begins to wear off, I just take a 5mg tablet each time it begins to wear off. That way I am not constantly on it and maybe that is why my mood is still good. I think it helps my mood because I am not frustrated when I am on it. I don't know. I just know that I could not be doing my graduate studies if it weren't for the adderall. As for you, I know you want to feel and act normal, but my question is if you don't finish school, and you know you can, how will your life be if you don't pursue your degree? With this struggling economy, you need to think about your future and how you are going to support yourself and those you love. I am probably sounding like an old mother hen, but my guess is that if you don't take your medication, you will struggle and struggle, become frustrated and end up dropping out of school and then what? Can you consider taking your meds until you finish? Sometimes we must make sacrifices in order to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We must put up with a little discomfort to reap the reward. I know you want to be off your meds. You must also look at the fact that adhd is not something that just goes away, and if you had diabetes or high blood pressure, you would take those meds to regulate the symptoms to save your life. Taking these meds can save your life in that it can help you gain an education and make something out of your life. Maybe you need them regulated, or a different kind or maybe you were on too much. If you get back on them, find someone to help you with behavior modification or focusing techniques and stay in school maybe a dosage can be found that is perfect for you. I am sorry I am sounding like a mother hen, but I have learned myself that I have to have an education to support myself and my girls if something were ever to happen between my husband and me or whatever. I couldn't support my girls with just a clerical job or whatever. So please don't give up on school and do find a way to stay on your meds. School is so very important.