[BlastAuf]

My brother has been diagnosed as severely ADHD, but it does not add up with his behavior. He does constantly talk and will ramble on and on about things people are obviously uninterested in, and I have seen my fair share of ADHD sufferer's do that, but he really seems to have no understanding of social interaction. We have to constantly remind him to correct his behavior...things that are unusual to begin with and should be able to control or at least correct once and remember not to do anymore, but he continues to do them to the annoyance of everyone around him. He can't stop talking, he can't control the volume of his voice (You have to remind him at least every 4 minutes to lower his volume because it's deafening), he can't realize when people are bored by what he's saying, he has terrible hygiene issues like never flushing the toilet or showering often enough, he blasts music and movies at 4am and scream laughs at it despite the fact I tell him daily to wear headphones and to be more considerate of other people sleeping. He never seems to be able to understand that a lot of his behavior is offputting and he needs to show some control.
He's admitted to me that he has no idea how to make friends and is more interested in inanimate objects. He only takes pictures of electronics and switchboards, but never any of people. He failed a semester of college because he was not doing any schoolwork and focused entirely on making battlebots. He was told he has an IQ of 145, and yet he can't manage to graduate school. He literally went to school for 8-9 years before he just gave up entirely and moved back in with my parents. He was constantly getting kicked out of people's apartments because of his behavior and inability to do anything about it and that's another reason why he was forced to move home and is unable to move out at the moment. He also has a huge weight problem (350 lbs at 6'1") and never shows any restraint in terms of eating...we have to constantly remind him not to eat (I'm not exaggerating here) an entire case of beans and to leave food for other people. It's mostly as if he just never thinks of anybody but himself.
My mom is in serious denial of there being anything wrong. She is still financially supporting a 29 year old son and puts no pressure on him to get his stuff together, find a job and move out...she pays his bills, his piles of parking tickets, his school tuition...everything. She get's very defensive if I ever question the ADHD diagnosis and she insists that he's perfectly healthy at his current weight. Nobody can possibly be healthy while being morbidly obese.
I don't mean to sound nasty about him, but it's hard to not lose patience with his behavior since I deal with it on a daily basis and am tired of reminding him to change. I really believe he has something more serious than ADHD and I think that it's unhealthy of my mother to dismiss these obvious issues and I want him to get help.
What do you think?

[Michah]

Hi there,

Yes it is possible it could be AS. But how does one define it exactly? Your brother would definately need some assessment done in order to be sure, or as sure as one can be.

I have AS as well as an ADHD (inattentive type) presentation as well. I was not dx until I was 36, so strange things can happen in life and I was more surprised than anyone with the dx.

I have found that even though it is evident that I cannot "fix" the wiring, I have developed skills to compensate for some of the nastier aspects. I have held jobs and raised a child. I am in a loving relationship for the first time in my life despite the fact that I am on disability now. There has been severe trauma and times of severe dysfunction but my personality accounts for a lot too. As it does with everyone.

It sounds very frustrating with what you are going through with your brother, but realistically it is his journey and your mother will either realise the same or she won't. You must take care of yourself in the process. Your frustration will lead to anger and resentment if you let it. Be there for your brother, but do not take it on. That is what I tell my fiance when things I do start to frustrate him, for more often than not, I am not even aware that I am doing it, until he mentions it. Communication is key, even if the method is rudimentary.

I also have an IQ around your brothers' range, yet I struggle endlessly. I have common sense, yet miss the punchline of some of the most simple jokes. I can talk about the properties of atoms until the end of time, yet hit a brick wall when someone asks me "How have you been?". And so it goes on. The more I look within, the less IQ has to do with the grand scheme of things, in understanding the complexities of the world and humanity.

I hope that has helped a bit, and let us know how you are going with all of it.

Take care,

Michah

[snapdragon928]

My brother has yet to be diagnosed, he's in his thirtys and is concerned with getting a diagnosis. Tried to talk him into it, said I would give him a ride anywhere he needs to go, but that is all I can do. Him and his wife have been throught the checklists together and It's absolutly clear he has aspergers, but he needs a professional diagnoses to get any help. They know friends with worse aspergers ans see their struggle to get diagnosed and financial help and don't see how they could do it.

[BlastAuf]

Well, first off I know my brother isn't stupid. His IQ is so high I take it to mean that if it so high and he is still unable to function in any kind of academic enviorment, it is a red flag. I'm not calling him a failure or an idiot. I know for instance that I did badly in school at an IQ of 120 that I'm not a dummy but just didn't care enough. I feel like after 9 years, it's indicative of emotional issues and I think he held off on graduating to rely on my parents emotionally and financially. He made every excuse in the world to stay in my parents home because my mom is his best friend, will take care and defend him no matter what and it feels safe to him. I feel like he's self sabotaging because he isn't able to take care of himself as an adult. I have this feeling that he's basically mentally 12. I can't tell if that's a symptom of Asperger's or what. I guess that takes me to my next point.
My brother and I both wen through an extensive psychological evaluation in our adolescence. I was told that I was clever, related too much to the underdog, obviously had attachment issues and crap self esteem issues. I was later told I was definitey BPD even though the intial psychiatrist told me I was Bi-polar (umm, multiple mood swings a day and abandonment issues are not the same, but I guess it was something you can't diagnose before 19) and my mom has always said to me that she can't tel me what my brother was diagnosed with and what they said. I figure my mom does know that something other than ADHD is going on, especially snce she takes care of him so much. Maybe he's not an aspie, but what's the issue?

[Callista]

Maybe he isn't ready to live independently. I wasn't ready until I was about 24 years old myself.

Don't put so much stock in IQ. It doesn't include a lot of abilities, and the ability to take care of yourself is one of them. IQ is simply a measure of how well you do on IQ tests. Apparently, you and your brother have a knack for them. I'm not saying that the same skills that let you do an IQ test efficiently won't be useful in other areas; but IQ isn't some kind of global measurement that says everything about a person.

I really, really hope your mom has told your brother what his diagnosis was and given him the evaluation reports. He has the right to know. If he has autism, then he should be getting some help learning what he needs to know to take care of himself; and if he has something else, he should be finding ways to deal with that. If your mom's sitting there keeping information about his own brain away from him, she needs to re-evaluate her approach ASAP.

[BlastAuf]

Well I thought that a typical symptom of Asperger's was a high IQ? I get what you're saying about how IQ has nothing to do with emotional maturity or ability to be financially independent, but doesn't the fact he's so emotionally stunted AND the fact he has an incredibly high IQ both point to him being an aspie? I mean, along with all those other strange behaviors.

[Callista]

Kind of. A high IQ isn't a sign of Asperger's, but a low IQ is an exclusion criterion that prevents you from being diagnosed with Asperger's.

To be diagnosed with AS, you can't have (or have had) developmental delay; and a low IQ (70 or lower) is required for developmental delay. So the association between IQ and Asperger's is the other way around--a low IQ is a sign that you don't have Asperger's. In the future they will probably merge the autism spectrum and get rid of the IQ criterion altogether, but currently, people who are not speech-delayed or developmentally delayed and have an IQ above 70 are more likely to be diagnosed with Asperger's than classic autism.