[birdcrazy]

Ugh, I'm torn in who to believe in. My tdoc says that I have AS and is pretty sure about it and thinks I could get testing for it (she thinks my medicaid might pay for it)

But my friend that works with special needs kids and also adults with mental illness says I don't have it, and in fact I'm extremely empathetic, I have conversations and also make eye contact.

I will admit, I had more problems that resembled AS when I was a child. And as an adult, my schizoaffective is giving me most of my problems. But I am obsessed with autism and I sort of want the testing.

This is literally driving me more nuts...

[Omers]

I have learned to fake empathy, hold a conversation, make eye contact and, most days, look 'normal'... And, I don't work at it nearly as much now as when I was a kid. I still have AS. If getting tested would help you feel better than go for it. no harm in knowing.

[pīwakawaka]

I'm not sure that it is necessary to put a label on a condition. One specialist told me that I was probably borderline Aspergers, and that while officially diagnosing it assigns a label to the condition, it assigns a label on you in society. In other words, in my case the disadvantages would outweigh the advantages. It would possibly be an advantage if it wasn't borderline. I guess it also depends on the society you live and what services are likely to be available for the condition identified.

In my case I have never had a temper tantrum. I never see thing in black and white - everything is in shades of mid-gray. I can, and do play the devil's advocate when I want some excitement. None of which are typical AS.

On the other hand, I can bore people to death when someone starts a conversation about a topic I am interested in. I have exceptional general knowledge it topics I am interested. I can not recognise clues as to how others are feeling - they have to tell me. If some is smiling, are they happy or grimacing in pain? Is that wrinkled forehead because they are concentrating or annoyed? Does a raised voice mean they are excited or angry? Anything more subtle than that is totally beyond me. I find being in a group of more than a few people exhausting. I don't know intuitively how other people are reacting to each other, or even to me. I have to keep a mental note of any cues I see and this gets too confusing with much more than five or six people at a time. Even in a small group, if there is more than a single thread of conversation going on, I loose track of who is talking about what. I have to remember to make eye contact and it took me a long time to learn the difference between eye contact and staring. However in situations where there is more than one person talking at a time, I have to concentrate on the lips of the person I am talking to as all voices come in at the same loudness and I can't separate them - even if one voice is male and one is female.

As Omers has said, you can learn to fake many "normal" traits, even if you are not fully aware that you are faking them. You learn to do them because they work, not because you feel them.

Don't stress out about a precise diagnosis. Both the tdoc and your friend are probably right using their criteria. The reality is that you probably lie somewhere between the 2 points of view. If the "not knowing" stresses you (as it would for many with AS) then it's probably better to get a complete test done.

Best of luck

[Omers]

I agree... having a label is very personal, cultural and a bunch of other stuff... For me, getting the AS label was very important... It helped me to judge myself less and it also served to correct some inaccurate labels (and FAR more damaging) still following my from my past. BUT labels are only a word attached to a complex being who is so much more than the word.