[mgran]

I'm probably going to post this on other forums, but you guys will understand my son a bit better.

Anyway... here it is.

Advice here would be gratefully recieved. My ex, my son's father, just told me that he is in a polyamorous affair. It took about a year for my son, who suffers from asperger's syndrome, to accept that his father left his step mum for someone else. Now, a week before my lad is going to stay with his Dad and his girlfriend, my ex springs this on me. I don't have anything against polyamorous relationships... to each their own. (Though judging on how badly my ex does with one on one affairs I imagine another thrown into the mix won't help.) My son suffered so much from his father's infidelity to his wife, he's only just coming to terms with it. He's only just coming to terms with the idea that homosexuality isn't dangerous after an appalling incident when two boys four years older than him tried to rape him at his previous school. The fact that his father treated both me and his ex wife badly, combined with a relationship most teenagers would be embarassed by, plus his PTSD confuses everything. Oh... and I did say he's aspie! Can any of you suggest how I should handle this with my son?

[unaluna]

Wow. Two words, court order. Supervised visitation. Or grandma's house, if he HAS to go somewhere next week. I'm as liberal as the next person, if not more, but I would not send a young man (as a fourth!) into a menage-a-trois situation. I would get a counselor and a lawyer's opinion asap. If daddy wants to fool around, he can do it on his own time, but this is not providing a safe environment for his son, IMHO. Someone I know was denied having his teenage daughter visit his home because his apartment was an open loft and did not have a separate walled off bedroom for her. How is dad spending quality or quantity time with son with "all that" going on? Sorry to be harsh, but I hate when kids are expected to cope with people and situations the adults themselves can't cope with.

[Omers]

I've been wracking my brain but haven't come up with anything yet... still thinking!

[mgran]

Managed to do it today. Turns out he'd already guessed something, because his Dad had been so secretive for a year. He was upset, but he says his Dad's always having some "soap opera moment" (as he put it) and he's come to expect it. He says, "next year it will be something else, then something else again. I wouldn't mind if he'd just tell me, but he treats me like a kid, which is stupid, because I'm more grown up than he is."

[unaluna]

Sounds like a really really great kid! What a relief. This is why it's a very good thing I don't have kids. But please know that you can always count on me for a total overreaction. I am really sorry, mgran, and will keep my dumb inexperienced freakout mouth shut on such matters from now, I promise.

[mgran]

Don't worry hankster, I over reacted too. I wish I'd not brought it to a public forum, but I really felt overwhelmed and had to talk to someone. The most important thing is that my son loves his Dad, even when he's sad sometimes, and says sharp things.