[Frito64]

Hi all,
I have a situation that is complicated by Asperger’s, especially the social awkwardness part.
Briefly, my comfort level has always been around women in social situations, I find them easy to talk to, and since I never like sports and other male activities, I always had a harder time talking to men.
I work for a large company, and last year, a man in another department, whom I’ve known for over 20 suffered a tragic loss, and I felt very badly for him. Even though we’ve never really talked beyond the “hey, how are you doing stage,” I felt such compassion for him that I tried my best to be a supportive friend, even putting my social anxieties aside, checking in with him a few times a week so see how he was doing. It has been difficult for me at times, trying to say the right things, and also to make conversation about other things as well (I am bad at conversation). I even started watching baseball to have something to talk to him about (he is a huge sports fan), and to my surprise, I became a fan!
A couple of months ago he had invited me to a get together at his house on the one year anniversary of his loss, and even introduced me to his sisters as a good friend from work. It felt like maybe our friendship was moving to the next level. That has always been a difficulty for me – making friends, and getting beyond the “hey, how are you doing” stage.
A couple of weeks ago I got up the courage to suggest that we try to get out to lunch one day (he is often on conference calls, so we only talk for a few minutes a couple of times a week). He said he would check his schedule and get back to me. He never did, and in a way it was a relief (we really don’t have too much in common), but at the same time, I wonder if he just forgot, or if he just doesn’t want to be bothered.
I had stopped by his office this past Friday and we talked for a couple of minutes. I didn’t stay too long as I honestly didn’t have too much to say. He was friendly and polite, which is really all I can ask, so that was fine. I’m torn about asking him again in a week or so about going to lunch, or just let it go. As stated, we don’t have a lot in common, but at the same time, he is a nice guy and I would like to be his friend. I’ve never had a male friend to go out to lunch with now and then, and I’m sure that underlying need is part of what makes me want to try asking him again about lunch.
Any advice/suggestions are appreciated.
Frito

[unaluna]

Are his sisters single? Did you 'drop the ball' there, so to speak?

[dragonfly2]

I think time gets away from people lots of times and we get caught up in day to day life. He may have simply forgotten about your invitation. I would try again, perhaps being more specific like, "do you want to go to Subway/Chili's/Applebees/etc on Thursday?" Then he can check his schedule for that particular day and then he could offer an alternate day if he needs to. But be specific.

[Frito64]

Originally Posted by hankster

Are his sisters single? Did you 'drop the ball' there, so to speak?

LL - his sister who is single (divorced) is 20 years older than me. Very nice lady, though.

[Frito64]

He remembered - we are haivng lunch on Monday. I made a list of conversation topics to memorize in case we hit a lull.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Frito64

He remembered - we are haivng lunch on Monday. I made a list of conversation topics to memorize in case we hit a lull.

Excellent! How did it go?

[Frito64]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Excellent! How did it go?

He had to cancel as his dog had been sick. We rescheduled and the somehting else came up, so we left it up in the air for now (we are expremely busy at work now, and his schedule is very erratic). We will make it out eventually.

[CantExplain]

What a pain! I would feel pretty paranoid if this happened to me!

[Frito64]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

What a pain! I would feel pretty paranoid if this happened to me!

I was pretty paranoid - espeically after he left it up in the air. I do feel better about it now, but I stressed over it bigtime.

[NiteOwl]

I get like that too....i actually go do things with friends and they say we HAVE to do this again...and then i never hear from them again.

I hope this is not what happens to you...ppl don't understand how hard it is for folks like us just to BE social! I force myself...just like you...to try and socialize...i am a loner...but i don't like it all the time.

Either way...don't let it get you down.