[Stinkeye22]

I have a friend who's child is 8, autistic and keeps mentioning going to heaven to bring his father back

[Callista]

How does he respond when he is told that when people go to heaven, they can't come back?

Many children at first don't understand that death is permanent. Always in the past their parents have left and they've always come back. It's hard to realize that this pattern has been broken. Sometimes the only thing that can change this is that the child grows old enough to understand death more fully.

If the boy is not in any more distress than you would expect from someone mourning his father, it's perhaps best to just answer the questions honestly and wait for time to do some of the healing. Many children (and adults) also find it meaningful to set up a memorial, look through photo albums, or write a letter to the deceased person.

[yellowted]

try sending 'daddy' messages to heaven tied to a floating lantern (the ones that fly by heating the air inside with a flame from a firelighter block) or tie the messages to helium filled balloons and let go in an open space outside.

another way of explaining death and heaven stuff to a child is to explain that ta person is made up of bits you can see ...their body, and bits you can't see, their love, feelings, thoughtts etc. once the child understands this move on to ..when a person dies God only takes the bits we can't see up to heaven and leaves the bit we could see for us to bury /cremate or whatever because that is the broken bit. once the bit we cant see gets to heaven it is either given a new body or floats around watching over us, whichever you think is most appropriate, in this case i would probably use the floating around watching over us one as it can then be explained that daddy can't come back because he has no body!and leave it there until the child processes it and asks the next round of questions.

[lilymichele]

I Like your suggestions and thoughts on this. -Great way to talk about it.

Originally Posted by yellowted

try sending 'daddy' messages to heaven tied to a floating lantern (the ones that fly by heating the air inside with a flame from a firelighter block) or tie the messages to helium filled balloons and let go in an open space outside.

another way of explaining death and heaven stuff to a child is to explain that ta person is made up of bits you can see ...their body, and bits you can't see, their love, feelings, thoughtts etc. once the child understands this move on to ..when a person dies God only takes the bits we can't see up to heaven and leaves the bit we could see for us to bury /cremate or whatever because that is the broken bit. once the bit we cant see gets to heaven it is either given a new body or floats around watching over us, whichever you think is most appropriate, in this case i would probably use the floating around watching over us one as it can then be explained that daddy can't come back because he has no body!and leave it there until the child processes it and asks the next round of questions.

[yellowted]

i was a nanny to a girl who was 3mts old when i started, as she grew she developed an uncle niece bond with my partner, when she was 9 years old he passed away, i found this helped her understand about death and not coming back and all the questions this guy is asking and feelings he is trying to understand. the balloon is great as they can write anything they want, and if you make a point of not reading it they feel the note is really just between the deceased and them self so it feels really special and keeps the bond thee even when the person is not. this in turn helps later to understand about keeping loved ones in your heart.