[yellowfrog268]

Ok, this post is going to be a bit long.

My personal banking account has been overdrawn for a while now due to one merchant who keeps trying to debit an account that has no funds. As most know, this results in many fees. I've been trying to deal with this issue on my own without involving my husband. He and I maintain separate accounts so my banking problems are separate from him. The other day he decided to endorse a check over to me. He wanted me to have the extra money. We went to the bank and I asked for the check to be deposited into another of my bank accounts, avoiding the one that's overdrawn. All went well until yesterday when I noticed that the check did not go to the account I wanted it in but instead it was redirected to the overdrawn account. Well, now, obviously I have to come clean to my husband about what's going on. I had been avoiding this conversation because I wanted to deal with it on my own and spare him the headache and I did not want to have to deal with a possible emotional response from him. So I told him everything and as can be expected, he was upset. I didn't know what response to give! It seemed like I should say or do something but hell if I know what. It then gets worse. After getting over it (somewhat) my husband decides that he is going to transfer money to me via online banking. Problem is though, the info he had to make the transfer was for the account that is overdrawn. I didn't know he was going to do that at the moment and he didn't think to ask. Well, the transfer of course went through and when the mistake was realized he was highly upset. The transfer cannot be reversed. So now, he's lost a fair amount of money because of my mistakes and I know he is angry but I think he is feeling more than that. I don't know what to say to him at this point. I know I should probably say something but again, I don't know what. I also don't know how to find out if he is feeling more than anger at this situation or at me.
I need suggestions on how to approach this situation because as I've said, I don't know how to deal with this type of emotional stuff. Usually I just separate myself from the person or situation and come back later when the emotional aspect has cooled or gone completely but I sense that I can't do that here. HELP!

[winter4me]

It sounds like it might, husband willing, be good if the two of you made a date once a week to discuss finances even though your monies are normally separate (they aren't now)---and to problem solve so this doesn't happen again. You both bear some responsibility for not communicating before acting. Neither of you knew what the other was doing/dealing with-----money is often a hard subject to deal with in marriage, and elsewhere----so many hidden feelings attached that we may or may not be aware of---- If you can agree to be pragmatic about the problem, you can solve it together. [easy to say, harder to do and both people need to be willing] Best of Luck!