[manwithnofriends]

Go ahead, mock me because of my username.

But this is a serious thread. I don't know why I have no friends. It hasn't got me down, rather, it's made me question whether they're even necessary. I have only ever talked to family members and academic staff that I knew in my school years. I never uttered a word to "strangers" unless I became lost and needed directions. Even classmates from back in my school years were strangers to me. Because I kept quiet, I seemed like the most well-behaved person in class (and often sympathised with teachers each time they've had to raise their voice for attention until they told off the entire class, which then made me feel like I was treated unfairly). Now I am in uni and that mentality has not changed - the only people I talk to in uni are lecturers and advisers. Yes, I've had to endure those horrible "team work" moments at school (and once at uni). I always thought I was the surplus to requirements, or the one that would let the team down when it really mattered.

It was at the age of 16 that I was diagnosed with high-functioning autism. A lot of what I described in the last paragraph is supposedly to do with HFA but I think it's just some disorder I got after moving to the UK from Singapore aged 6. Apparently my home country couldn't deal with autistic children at the time (their only offering was a school for "retarded people", which my parents refused). I was apparently a very naughty boy before I moved to the UK, I wondered why I suddenly became well-behaved. Oh, it was because some teaching assistant was always there for me! (In Singapore one teacher had to deal with 42 pupils and there were no "teaching assistants".) However, the diagnosis was enough for me to be exempted from Singapore's compulsory national service while maintaining Singaporean citizenship. I now feel for my brother who's spent 13 of his 14.5 years in the UK and has nothing to give him exemption (except possibly a switch to UK citizenship, in which case he can never go back to Singapore again).

Anyway, enough of my life story. Are these excuses for making friends? "I'd rather be focusing on my studies", "I'd do something bad to lose the friendship", "I'm just not good enough to be one" and possibly a few others. I admit that I was given a Game Boy Advance, Playstation 2 and Nintendo DS on three separate birthdays - my mother must be regretting that by now, cause they're additions to the excuse list. Or are "friends" really not worth my time and energy? I mean, I can be "trained" to deal with difficult situations. I can now talk over the phone to strangers without problems. I've been able to buy food from restaurants as well. So what are your thoughts?

P.S. I kind of expect the first reply to be a "we're not interested", or am I exaggerating again? If that's not an exaggeration, maybe I am wasting my time on this...

[optimize990h]

Hello manwithnofriends! Welcome to PsychCenral!

You are welcome to explore the resources here:links to topics of interest for the mentally ill and their families, the PC members themselves bring knowledge as well, if a member wishes get some frustration out they can express here in a new thread, one can meet other people in similar circumstances and develop friendships, and there are also chat rooms where one can ad lib with other people.

So, it can be helpful for people who think they could benefit from participating in whatever way they feel most comfortable. I hope you can return to write more posts here or whatever you think would help.

Thanks for reading. Take care..

[unaluna]

Short answer - yes. You do need friends. There are a lot of people who are like you, and/or who will like you. You can still have your alone time (I need mine), but friends are fun too. You wrote an interesting introduction, I bet you are fairly interesting to be around.

[-jimi-]

What I notice is that I work perfectly fine emotionally without friends, but I need friends for practical things. It is sometimes easier doing things together, and it is nice to be able to ask for favors and do them favors as well.

I have a good friend I want to keep, but she is an odd person and I would never gotten so close to someone "normal". I think I already knew her in a past life because as soon as we met we became "siblings".

[Travelinglady]

There are all kinds of friends, and you're right, they serve different purposes. Given your situation, if you are happy and satisfied with no close, more emotional friends, then I think that's okay. But I suggest you do try to maintain some contacts and at least casual friends, because, as you say, sometimes we do need people for various reasons.....

This reminds me of one of my posts, "who needs friends?". The truth is, every one wants friends, not everyone needs them. I know how you feel, partially. . .But once you have that one person that you can talk to about anything...and someone who jokes with you and doesn't judge you... AKA a friend... Everything gets SO much better.Trust me. Anyways, wanna be my friend? ^.^

[-jimi-]

I'd think the opposite, everyone doesn't want a friend but most need one.

[yellowted]

I do pretty well without friends, but do miss them when i need help putting flat pack furniture together or when I am sat alone eating christmas lunch with no one to pull a cracker with. Although it may seem like family are always around for you when you need them, there will come a time when they are not around for some reason, that is when having friends will be a bonous, because you can ask them instead.
friendships can be difficult to understand, but a good friend is one who sticks by you even when you are finding things difficult and is happy to explain things you do not understand which others find easy to understand.
if you find the rigt person, you can enjoy a good conversation or have fun doing things you both enjoy, who knows they could even introduce a new experience into your life.

[konstargirl]

Hi and welcome. What a interesting post here. =D Everyone needs friends. They are like your second family when your biological family can bring you down you got them and hopefully friends won't b jacked up.

[manwithnofriends]

Hi to all who replied. I thought I was wasting my time here because when I submitted the thread starter, I was told that it was going to go through moderators. But thankfully it appeared. I am grateful for your thoughts.

[Pandoren]

Speaking as someone else who has no friends, my first instinct was to say "if you don't want any friends, that's fine", although in truth my lack of ability to bond with other people in that way has become painfully limiting. I'm 24 now and stuggling with the idea of working because I don't want to interact with coworkers or members of the public. It can be hard to maintain relationships if you don't want them, but like others have said, other people can have their uses if you need to ask questions or get help with something. At least online I can be civil with other people without being friends with them and to some degree they can be helpful.

In short, I guess that even if you don't cultivate any friendships, it would be of use to you to learn and experience social interaction as much as possible so you don't end up stuck in the hole I'm in.

you really do need some support and by getting that, you need friends. you can make friends here. i hope you can find some nice people here. in the real world, there are a lot of jerks out there who just love putting others down simply because they can't take it out on anybody else but the person who happen to be there to tick them off.

[avlady]

PandoranWelcome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SHYGIRLAJB]

Friends, I would like some friends , only trouble is I just find it so hard to sort of gel with people .

Hello Everyone , where ever you are

[Love/Hate09]

Yes friends are essential. Life is empty without friends. Even if you don't get a wide circle of friends try and at least get one or two friends that you see sometimes. You don't have to see them all the time, explain that you have problems socialising sometimes but that doesn't mean you don't like hem, it just means you need some time to yourself.

[-jimi-]

I love my friend but..... I'm so glad she is out of town for several days. I feel like I'm on vacation. I don't want to lose her but I doooooo need my space.

[helienthong]

if you love her really, just open up your space and hands took her in, please make your own space that is 2

[-jimi-]

Thanx but then I would go insane.

[autotelica]

I spent 30 years without a friend and barely noticed it. Never even felt lonely or really embarrassed about it.

But then I became a "grown up". I got a real job, with coworkers who weren't geeky like the kids at school. And suddenly it dawned on me how alienated I am, and I became very ashamed and depressed.

Five years later and I still don't have any friends, but I'm not quite so miserable about it. Sometimes I get to thinking about what I'll do if I'm ever sick or injured. My family is far away, so I wouldn't be able to lean on them. This means I have to be extra careful and take good care of myself.

Friends keep you from weirding out too much. I think I wouldn't be quite so eccentric if I had friends, and I'd be able to relate better to people. But like you, I seem to lack the motivation to make one, so it kind of kills me to think about all the advantages. Intellectually I know there are advantages, but emotionally it seems like a stressful waste.

[manwithnofriends]

Well it's been a while since I came here. I guess the best thing I can do is continue to be myself, even if it means I'll only have family to turn to when I feel upset. It might seem contradictory to think this way but I feel that the online world is even more unsafe and dangerous, especially if you have insufficient social skills and are always trying to avoid risk rather than confront it. I mean, I'd rather be told by a shouty security guard to leave a compound which I'm clearly not allowed to be in, even if I'm supposed to be interviewed there for a job. Even if I explain to him what I'm there for, he'd have none of it because I don't have the required id, right?
Now you're ready to tell me that this is the wrong way to think, and to continue thinking like this only invites the behaviour I try so hard to avoid. I'm allowing others to run before I can even walk, basically.