[yaseko]

For reasons I don't think I'll ever understand, my mother hides my diagnosis of Asperger's from me. She freely denies it to my face, and has never told my father (they're divorced). I only know from childhood eavesdropping and from the slips made by psychiatric nurses not knowing of my mother's decision.

This would be odd, but alright, were it not for the fact that I plan to start claiming disability living allowance soon (ironically, I plan to use it to pay for my mother's expenses in looking after me!). I'd like to include my Aspie's on the form, but I wouldn't know what to do if the assessors call my mother and ask about it. She would, of course, affirm it, but she'd wonder how I knew - she'd suspect me of self-diagnosing, even. What can I do?

[Pandoren]

If you are an adult, I don't think they have any right to call your mother- patient confidentiality and all that. I've claimed a few benefits in the UK since I left college and not once have they contacted anyone not put as a reference (GP, care staff etc). They won't speak to your mother without your permission.

I think it would help you to add Aspergers to your form- every bit helps, although you might find it worth speaking to your GP about that diagnosis and how it affects you, since you might well need a reference letter from him/her to support your claim. If you are an adult, you have every right to know the full information in your medical history- the diagnosis, the date you were diagnosed etc.

Your mother may have kept the diagnosis from you either because she didn't want to acknowledge that you had the condition (my mother doesn't know because I have a feeling if she accepted the diagnosis, she'd have a "what did I do wrong as a mother" pity party over it) or else that she didn't want it to define you- perhaps she believed that if you grew up thinking you were "normal" then she could minimise how "unnormal" you would behave... or maybe she doesn't believe Asperger's exists and you are just different. Withholding the truth may not have been the result of malicious intent.

[yellowfrog268]

Sounds like it's time to have a sit down with your mom.
No good can come of continual denial. What I'm going to say next may sound a little harsh but I promise you it's coming from a place of concern and empathy, not malice.

I'm assuming your an adult (because you are applying for your own benefits) therefor, it's time to act like an adult and face your mom on this issue. It's your right to know with certainty what your medical records hold. It is her responsibility to be honest with you. As for the way she might respond, you cannot control that. All you can do is let her know that you are not accusing her of attempting to be deceitful or blaming her for anything, you simply want to know because it is your right.

I really hope this helps and please, keep us informed.

[yaseko]

Originally Posted by yellowfrog268

Sounds like it's time to have a sit down with your mom.
No good can come of continual denial. What I'm going to say next may sound a little harsh but I promise you it's coming from a place of concern and empathy, not malice.

I'm assuming your an adult (because you are applying for your own benefits) therefor, it's time to act like an adult and face your mom on this issue. It's your right to know with certainty what your medical records hold. It is her responsibility to be honest with you. As for the way she might respond, you cannot control that. All you can do is let her know that you are not accusing her of attempting to be deceitful or blaming her for anything, you simply want to know because it is your right.

I really hope this helps and please, keep us informed.

I'm sixteen, but, reading your reply, I certainly feel that it's time to confront my mother. I won't see her until June, I don't think, as I'm in hospital and she can't afford to visit me, and I won't get a pass home until after my exams; but I'll find the best time to approach her. Perhaps it would be better left until after I'm discharged.

[yellowfrog268]

Glad to hear that you're ready to confront this situation.

[Hellion]

If she would affirm that you have Aspergers, not sure you should worry. If she suspected you of self diagnosing what's the worse that could happen? Also self diagnosing often times is a step towards an actual diagnoses as it indicates someone suspects they have some disorder...so then they might want to find out if they do or not.

Have you talked to any therapists or doctors about this issue with you're mom...even if you are only 16 you still have a right to know what your diagnoses is so that you can be properly treated for it.