[rosska]

Ok, so here's a thing I do and I'm curious if any of you do it too.

Sometimes, when something that I've deemed 'important' comes up, it goes awry and leaves me feeling awful because it didn't happen how I planned it. I can't honestly explain the feeling I get from this, it's like my insides and burning or something.

However, that's not the biggest problem. The issue comes after the fact, once things have gone to hell I start to actively decide to put life on hold until I get a chance to 'redo' the event.

Now, if this is something that's weekly, it's not too bad because it doesn't cause a huge disruption. But if it's monthly, or worse yearly, then it's really quite a massive disruption.

I'm in that position just now, my plans for the three weeks of the year I get the house to myself have been completely undone by my brother who has ended up 'visiting' (pissing me off) for the majority of the three weeks this year. In my mind, I've already made the decision to put my life on hold now until this time next year in the vain hope that perhaps next year I will actually get the three weeks to myself.

Oh and before anybody says "why don't you just go away somewhere to get time to yourself"... Well I don't particularly want to go away anywhere, I like being in my home, with my stuff, my TV and my broadband/PC so I can do what I do every day. I don't want a break from my routines, I just want a break from people annoying me and getting in the way of my routines.

Does anybody else do this, or am I just an extra special kind of crazy?

[gayleggg]

Can't you just tell your brother you are not up to visitors right now?

[WePow]

It makes sense that you would not be happy with having your plans fall through because of another person. And it also makes sense that you feel the need to still have those plans work out. They were YOUR plans.

I know for me (and I am learning that it is an Aspie thing) there is a NEED for my alone time. It is not that I don't love my few select friends or my family. I just have a basic need to be in my own space at my own level of comfort when I need it.

You having made the plans you made were important and something you needed.
It is OK and actually very healthy to draw your boundaries. I know that can be a challange for some Aspies (raises hand) because many of us hate confrontation. But it is worth the discomfort of confrontation in order to have your basic needs met.

[rosska]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

Can't you just tell your brother you are not up to visitors right now?

I would love it if I could. Sadly, he has this notion that because it's the "family home", he's welcome to turn up whenever.
Also, I'm still early on with my diagnosis and haven't reached a point where I'm very good with asserting my own wishes. I shy away from confrontation and I've learned from attempts in the past that even if I am what I consider delicate, he will start an argument over it and then I'll end up apologising and backing down. It's how all arguments I get into go.

Originally Posted by WePow

It makes sense that you would not be happy with having your plans fall through because of another person. And it also makes sense that you feel the need to still have those plans work out. They were YOUR plans.

I know for me (and I am learning that it is an Aspie thing) there is a NEED for my alone time. It is not that I don't love my few select friends or my family. I just have a basic need to be in my own space at my own level of comfort when I need it.

You having made the plans you made were important and something you needed.
It is OK and actually very healthy to draw your boundaries. I know that can be a challange for some Aspies (raises hand) because many of us hate confrontation. But it is worth the discomfort of confrontation in order to have your basic needs met.

Yeah, I'm still pretty new to the whole Aspie thing myself, so I was curious to see if others felt this way about it.

Like you, I do really care for my friends and family, but alone time is something that I actually crave like a drug. My best friend also confuses me sometimes, because she's always saying she'd love to see me more or that she's upset she hasn't seen me in 'ages', yet I am looking at it and thinking "it's only been two weeks, I'd happily have made it four without noticing". I know that must sound awful to some people, it's just I clearly don't feel the same need to be around people as they do.

Give me alone time any day and I'll be more than happy talking away to myself and randomly stimming, waving my arms around like a chicken because I'm happy.

[WePow]

Yep!!!! I get it!! In fact, sometimes I have been jealous of those like my grandfather who were able to become true hermits.

[rosska]

Originally Posted by WePow

Yep!!!! I get it!! In fact, sometimes I have been jealous of those like my grandfather who were able to become true hermits.

That'd be living the dream!