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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2007
Posts: 8
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Jan 09, 2014 at 04:14 PM
#1
I'm a 31-year-old female and I don't have any friends. Not a single one. I had one that I had been friends with since grade school but I finally ended that relationship because it wasn't a good one. She couldn't go a single time we were together without making fun of me or calling me a name. I took so long to end that "friendship" because as long as I put up with her verbal abuse, I at least had someone I could go do things with on occasion. I finally decided I was better than that and no friends is better than that kind of friend but now...I'm just so lonely all the time.
I have no idea how to make friends. I've tried volunteering, taking time off work to go to play groups with my three-year-old son, attending outside work functions, talking to other moms at playgrounds...everything. I feel like I always try the wrong thing for each situation in trying to meet/talk to people and I can't seem to just do it right. I seem to either try too hard, not enough...I just can't do it. And everywhere I go it's like all these other women already have friends and are not interested in meeting anyone new. It feels like I have a permanent ache in my chest because I don't have anyone to just talk to anymore. I just feel very unwanted everywhere I go because I don't have any friends or even any family beside my husband and my son. I have a group of women I'm "friends" with online because we met in a parenting forum and without them to go to I probably would have gone a little insane by now. They're great but they're scattered all throughout the United States and I want a local friend. Someone to actually go do things with. Does anyone have any tips? Have any of you with Asperger's been able to make friends later in life? Thanks for reading. |
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 justmemaybe, tesseract49
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2003
Location: noplace
Posts: 10,284
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Jan 09, 2014 at 05:27 PM
#2
It helps to find other people who share the same interests that you do, or you can work on developing an interest that can lead to making friends with others with the same one. At 30-31 and earlier in my life, I would have said that I had no friends. There were people I wrote to online through email lists or groups. There was not really anyone that I could call for help or to go and do something with in real life. I was also isolated by being a stay at home mom without access to a car, and not having any family around who would watch kids so that I could have a break, and my now-ex-husband didn't understand that I needed any time to myself.
It was after that when I started to get involved with hobby groups, or guilds. I spin, knit, and do other fiber arts, and have joined three guilds that have regular meeting times and we get together and do these things. I also belong to a musicians' guild that meets weekly. It took time for me to feel comfortable in these groups or to feel like I actually belong, but it did happen. I got much closer to my guilds and the people in them after I got divorced. Before, I was spending too much time at work and going to school, and felt guilty about not being home with my family (I went from stay at home mom to workaholic). I think I have a better balance now than I did back then. It takes time. And I have even found some people who are like me and we have more interests in common besides the guilds, so I do have a few people that I can call to go and do something with, etc. I still feel lonely because now I don't really have a family, but I'm working on connecting with my kids, and I have some extended family that I see on Facebook now. I guess you just have to find what works best for you. I'm not nearly as isolated as I was 10 years ago. __________________ “We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
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 justmemaybe
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Member
Member Since Feb 2013
Posts: 488
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Jan 10, 2014 at 04:31 AM
#3
Not worth all the effort. I find I am a lot happier by myself.
__________________ A "Stephen Hawking institute of technology"? That's ****! |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2007
Posts: 1,482
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Jan 17, 2014 at 01:09 PM
#4
I dont know if this helps. My son has PDD. Hes 23. He still has a hard time making friends. He does do very well with older ppl.
Wondering if maybe you met woman who say 45? or 50? Hope it helps __________________ AKA the old muffy.....so everyone knows. 
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Member
Member Since Dec 2013
Location: pile of garbage
Posts: 37
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Jan 17, 2014 at 02:16 PM
#5
Quote:
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Member
Member Since Jul 2013
Posts: 66
10 36 hugs
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Jan 17, 2014 at 07:34 PM
#6
I tend to have only 2 or 3 friends close friends and absolutely no other friends. I do love being by myself most of the time though.
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