Avoiding people

It seems I'm becoming quite a regular poster here, fact that, to tell you the truth, annoys me a little.
Today's topic would be avoidance - I wanna know if there are other Aspies doing this. Personally, I'm doing it whenever I enter a building. It's actually the first thing I do: trying to avoid as many people as possible. No one has to see me. Because if they see me, I'll most likely go paranoid. It's hard enough to walk on the street with all the people looking at you and probably even thinking/talking/laughing/plotting etc. I don't need it inside too.

So, do you avoid?

I used to take no initiative and show interest in getting to know people, because if they talked to me, I wouldn't know what to say, how to keep the conversation going or even if I was supposed to.

I tend to avoid going into stores alone, because I'm scared the workers will keep an eye on me and come ask me if I need help.

I don't think you should be annoyed about posting somewhere like this, after all it's not like you can easily talk about a lot of the AS related life issues with random people off the street.

To answer your question, yes, I avoid like crazy! I've always envied my brother's ability to walk into a room and suddenly become the centre of the party. Whereas when I walk into a room, I do a quick glance around to see who is where and locate a secluded spot somewhere I'm not likely to get noticed and head there immediately. I will remain there for as long as I possibly can, and if other people start coming over I will make an excuse to leave and go find somewhere else.

I'm annoyed because it makes me feel vulnerable, dependent, stupid, desperate and so on. I'm not sure exactly why, but that's the way I feel. Plus, I hate the fact that my English is still full of errors.

I don't think I'd like to be the centre of the party even as a NT. It's just not me. It's quite confusing. I like to be noticed when I'm doing something good (not all the time though) but at the same time I hate if all the eyes are on me and/or if I get too noticed.
In a situation like that (going to an event) I feel comfortable to talk only with people I've known for quite some time and with whom I get along well, of course.

I too take no initiative in getting to know people, but, if they seem like nice fellows and they talk to me first, I may feel comfortable with them in the future.
Other reason I don't like to be seen inside a building is one the rules of politeness: say 'hello'. I don't feel comfortable saying that.
It would be perfect if 'they' hadn't interract with us at all, but instead waiting for us to ask for things.

Ahhh, I can understand that feeling of being vulnerable or stupid. It can be hard to talk about things we've kept to ourselves for most of our lives. I must say though, your English is better than a lot of people I know who are native English speakers.

It's funny you say that about the need to say 'hello'. That's a massive part of the reason I don't like to be noticed at parties or functions. I spend days worrying about how to say hello to people. Do you simply say it and move on, do you shake their hand, what if they go to shake your hand and you don't notice and then they feel you've ignored them, what if you go to shake their hand and they think you're being too formal.... then panic ensues. I'm not a fan of bodily contact, I can tolerate it with people I know well such as close friends or family. But even then, I don't like too much of it as I just get a bit overwhelmed and uncomfortable. I also really hate the feeling I get if I think people are looking at me, which is why I'm generally pretty quiet, if I don't speak or say something stupid then I'm less likely to have all eyes on me.

I realise my English is better than some of the native speakers', but knowing other people around my age that speak English better than me it's discouraging in a way, it makes me feel inferior (and it's not for no reason, since I have begun to understand English at 4 thanks to Cartoon Network)

In social situations I try to imitate my parents or, if I'm at school, some of my classmates, but the thing is I always look frightened. I don't say 'hello' to the whole class in the morning, but only to people I have to interact with. And when I run into someone in the block of flats I live in, I always feel (and probably look) like I'm about to faint; I bet they think I'm retarded.

As for physical contact, I don't mind it very much. I mean, I'm okay with handshakes as long as the other person's got their hands clean and not sweaty/doughy. Aside from that, I prefer to know when I'm about to be touched. Still there are certain areas one mustn't touch, like my thighs, belly, neck, the 'under-belt zone', back of the knee, ribs.
I think I'd feel comfortable among people with mental issues/Asperger's though

Same here, although I've gotten better at trying to show some interest, at least if I'm alone with them, because then I'm the only one who can show interest in what they're saying. I don't like being left alone with people I don't know well. I don't know how to act. Should I say something? If so, how do I keep the conversation going? When should I stop? Are they interested in what I am saying, or am I making a fool out of myself?

In Norway, people tend to not talk to strangers, so you could usually get away with not saying hello unless you end up making eye contact, then they might feel that they have to say "hello", and if they do, I feel like I have to. However, workers sometimes ask you if you need help, if they aren't too busy. I guess this is something they've been told to do, or something that's been implied. Although they might not ask you, they might still eye you, if they have nothing else to do. When, and if, they do this, I feel really uncomfortable, and scared that they'll come and ask if I want help if I look too much at something.

Yes, I'm aware of other European countries' customs regarding strangers. But where I live it's considered rude if you don't say 'hello'.
Alright then, I might need help someday, then it would be fine to be asked, but nothing more! I don't like watchers. I can't do things good if I'm being watched!

Like you, I can do pretty well in one-on-one situations, meaning I am sort of talkative, but still don't know when to stop (even if I'm not talking about my interests), how to be interesting in a conversation or how to be 'cool'.

Also, am I the only one who feels more comfortable talking to the oposite sex? Though it depends on the person and how well I know them.

Now that you mention it about shops, that's something I had actually not really thought of. I used to work in a shop (the only job I held down in this country for any length of time) and part of our training was to 'interact with every customer'. We were told to always welcome customers and ask them 'open questions', meaning a question which could not be replied to with yes or no. I hated that, I usually tried to avoid customers unless I had no choice. I got into several rows with my boss about my behaviour at work because I would intentionally ignore customers walking into the shop instead of approaching them.

On the flip side (with me as a customer going into a shop), I am actually very put off by staff approaching me and asking me questions about my visit to the shop. This was very difficult for me in the last few months with Christmas shopping as the stores were very busy so I was already uncomfortable and then they added to it by 'attacking' me as soon as I walked in the door. In the end I bought only one item in a shop this year and the rest of my shopping was done online.

You know, it's funny you mention that you prefer to speak with the opposite sex. I too feel that way! If I'm left alone in a room with a person I don't know very well, I would prefer them to be female than male. For some reason I always feel more comfortable speaking with females than I do males. If I know the male well enough, it's not an issue, but with people I don't know very well males always make me feel more uncomfortable.

I think most places are like that. I was in Germany recently, and some people greeted me when I entered and said goodbye when I left, which was something I wasn't quite prepared for. In Southern Europe, people tend to hassle you a lot, almost force you to buy something. Makes me not even wanna look.

I'm not good on one-on-one, really, unless I know them well, but sometimes if they initiate contact, I feel like I have to keep the conversation up, or else it gets awkward.

I usually feel more comfortable talking to the same sex, because as a girl, or woman, if you like, I feel that guys might be more judge mental in some aspects. As if they aren't as understanding and accepting (not saying this is necessarily right, just how I feel, it might just be me being more judge mental of myself). Also, I feel unsure how to act around men, because of the element of flirting. What is considered just being friendly and what is considered as more than that? I'm not asking, it's just what makes me more uncomfortable around men.

I avoid people as much as I can. I do my errands late in the day when there aren't many people around. I also try to schedule my classes and appointments during non-rush hour times when there are few people using public transit.

People smell. This is the main reason why I avoid them. My nose is very sensitive. Foul and overwhelming odors including pleasant ones nauseate me. I also don't like noise and chaos.

I usually don't get that bothered by smells. If they smell really badly, I do, but I'm not overly sensitive in that regard. The worst body odor, I think, is really bad breath. I had drivers lessons with a teacher who's breath literally smelled like poo.

I live in a small town, so there's usually not overly crowded. It's really unpleasant walking around when there's people all around you. It's so overwhelming that I sometimes get really mad and almost wanna punch something when someone butt into me.

I don't necessarily avoid people, I just don't make any effort to engage. Living in the Southeaster US, everyone expects a greeting of some sort. People here even wave at strangers from their vehicles while they're driving. I have found that ignoring them for the last 15 years has really cut down on their tendency to try to start a conversation with me.

Sometimes insanity is a perfectly sane reaction to an insane situation.

Hi. Just thought I'd like to mention something here. I'm neither a sufferer of Autism or Asperger's but I avoid people like the plague! I live in a very small English village where everybody basically knows everybody (mostly) so it's difficult to go out and NOT bump into somebody you know at some point. I find myself checking before I leave the house, as to who's outside and when I walk through the 'High Street' I check as to whether I need to cross the road to avoid people or not. This is due to my suffering crippling bouts of depression as a result of Borderline Personality Disorder (among many other psyc problems) and I feel people 'know' I'm 'crazy' or that they can tell by looking at my face and body language that I'm mentally ill. Of course this IS a symptom of BPD anyway but knowing that does NOT make all this any easier to deal with. I think maybe many different Psych illnesses make folk feel very wary of others they don't know. Oh and plus, LOL, I am born and bread English but my 'English' is awful, I admit, ha ha! HUGZZ.

@rosska Thank my mom I'm not old enough for Christmas hopping yet
I was raised more by my mother, that could have been contribuing to this 'prefference' of mine. But, if I sense a male is a nice person, I have absolutely no problem. I guess I've met more nice females than males, haha. Also, the female should be older than me and not escessively good looking, because that would make me nervous.

@Trontine I'm kinda afraid of 'group talks', plus there's the possibility to be left alone talking while the other peers would mind their our discussions.

@The_Little_Didgee I don't have that sensibility for smells, but if someone stinks I tend to get very distant.

@RichardBrooks Pff, living in such place would be torture to me. Congratulations for your achievement!

@waggiedog I know how you feel, only that I almost always believe others think I'm retarded due to my weak social abilities. Nah, don't worry about your English

Yeah, that's really awkward. When I was little, and the adults were talking, I tried to wait until someone were done talking, but I rarely had the time to get heard before someone else spoke, which made me aggravated. So I cramped up the volume and made sure they listened. The positive thing about a group conversation is that it is easier not to participate.

I agree! I rarely, very rarely get involved into a group talk, and that's only because of my need to open the mouth and speak if something considered interesting at the time comes to mind (this I really hate because over 50% of the time I come over as either weird, nuts or "...okay."). When I was little I would often ignore others and do my number, but I take it it was because of my age.

Yeah, I was always closer to my mum growing up. She helped me out a lot when I was younger and actually still does a lot for me to this day. I still live with her at home too. My dad and I were never very close, he was a very difficult man to get close to and he was always fighting with me because I didn't like to talk about things that were going on in my life, or because I didn't pay enough attention at school etc. So that may well explain the preference to interact with females.

What you say about them being older makes sense to me too, I remember one of my high school teachers actually put in a report card that I preferred speaking with teachers to other kids my own age. I think that stems from adults usually being less judgemental (not all of them though sadly).

Oh, my father was never a father in the true sense of the word! To be honest, the best thing (and one of the few good ones) he ever did for me was buying me a lot of toys. Don't know, he might have done something nicer, but this is the only thing I can remember.

If I recall correctly, I rarely got along with people around my age, they were -and still are- too immature for me. Growing without a father and endurring his abuses somehow matured me earlier than normal, that would explain why I have those kid-like moments now, when I'm almost a legal adult.