[Nataani2014]

I'm 30 years old but I'm not sure I have Aspergers or not so I decided to come here and ask, it's a long read, I will tell you but I could sure use someone's help:

Ok, here's my issues: Elementary school - When I was in elementary school, I was the kid always afraid to raise her hand to speak publicly in front of other kids to the teacher, I was afraid period to speak publicly in class. During recess, while other kids were playing with each other, I was somewhere on the playground (specifically the swings), by myself, mentally amusing myself humorously. I was even afraid to talk to the teacher one on one. I had zero friends in elementary school, because I had no idea of how to make friendships and the fact of trying to attempt making friendships scared me (because of my fear of rejection). During school activities, such as dances, I was the one on the bleachers by myself, watching everyone dance with others or be in a group with others talking because I was too afraid of going and talking with the other kids, nor did I know how to.

High school - In high school, the same thing applied from elementary school. During lunch, when other high schoolers were in the club room playing pool or basketball or just hanging out, I was in the computer room - alone, because the thought of being around them was about as nerve wrecking as anything and I'd had rather wished to be alone, so I was - alone in the computer room with just the computer, myself and my walkman. The same thing that occurred during elementary activities and dances to me, occurred at high school activities and dances with me.

adult life - During my adult life now, I still have no friends because again, I don't know how to make friends and the attempt at trying scares me because of rejection, so I remain by myself. If I'm in a room with a group of people, I stay in a corner of the room with my mp3 player, looking out a window or whatever, not talking to anyone, because talking with people gets me extremely nervous, my mind goes blank and I have zero idea what to say during conversations with people in groups. Also, a lot of times, someone will say something sarcastic and I won't get that he's being sarcastic. Or someone will say "hey, how are you?" or "tell me about yourself" and I'll think they actually are asking how I am out of concern or that they actually want me to tell them about myself, not realizing they didn't really want me to tell them how I was or about myself at all.

Also, I have a tendency to be cynical about a lot of things, about guys being interested in me, I'm cynical when it comes to trying to attempt to make friends (which is also why I'm afraid now of trying to attempt to make friends). I also have a problem starting up conversations with people. I can see a guy I like on a train and I will rely on him picking up on my eye contact, rather than going to him and initiating conversation. The same goes with trying to start up conversation with people in general. I also do feel weird about looking people straight in the eye and having others look me directly in the eye. It makes me feel - weird when I do it and when it happens to me. I am very shy to top it off but online, my shyness goes out the window, offline however - it's a different story.

Another example is some people can be talking about television and then I'll mention how I like The Walking Dead, someone can agree and then I'll go on this long talk (or friendly rant) about the characters of the show, the seasons, my dislikes and likes of the show and I'll just go on and on about it and it'll leave people like "ok, ok, we get you like the show, you know about it." but I don't get that me going on and on about it is getting tiring or annoying to them. The same goes for any topic that's a favorite for me, I can go on and on and on talking about the subject, not realizing that can be annoying and tiring and if people state that, that's annoying and tiring to me, I get quickly and easily hurt because of them stating so. I do have an obsessive interest in things like The Walking Dead, certain movies, shows, in subjects like science, chemistry and biology and history. I'm not clumsy or awkward though nor do I have repetitive behaviors like finger twisting or anything though.

So with all that, I'm not sure if I have Aspergers or not but I thought I'd come here and find out, does what I have described sound like Aspergers?

[-jimi-]

It is of course hard to tell, sometimes even a professional can't be too sure. I mean, it could be that you have Asperger's but it could also be that you had such bad social anxiety from so early in life that you didn't get the normal practice in socializing.

[TheatreKid]

I had similar experiences, being a painfully shy child, and was diagnosed with "moderate to severe" aspergers at one point, but I am also transgender, and when I transitioned genders it did a lot to ease my anxieties. My asperger's diagnosis is now under question or has been removed. I show hardly any of the signs now. When I learned to manage my anxieties I learned to be a much happier and more secure person, and while socializing is still awkward, I'm just a slightly awkward person who didn't learn the majority of social lessons in childhood like I should have, but am catching up now. There's nothing pathological about that.

[ianw16]

As somebody said, it is hard to tell for sure. I have Asperger's and social anxiety disorder. I think the former caused the latter to become much worse. I would try to make friends as a child, and would join in with some things, but only when I felt like it. Sometimes I just didn't want anything to do with people. Experiencing the problems of interacting with other kids got harder as I got older, as I started to notice the effect my comments or behaviour had on others, and it then started to affect me. Hence I became more and more withdrawn. I'm at the stage now where I really don't like dealing with other people at all (without recourse to alcohol).
From what you wrote though, it would be well worth taking the first steps in maybe getting a diagnosis of AS and/or social anxiety disorder.
One thing I would ask is; how are your empathy levels? If someone, even someone I may have known for a while, tells me about something bad that is happening to them (maybe a parent passing away), I know all the right noises to make (a learned response), but there is very little going on emotionally inside me. Low empathy levels are a pretty good indicator that AS may be a possibility based on from my study of the subject.
Good luck in the future.

[Louise16]

My understanding of aspergers is closer to the lack of empathy and interest in others, not a fear of interaction. I think you should get some counselling to look at the roots of your fears. Social understanding and cultural mores for behaviour is learned so that would be next on your list. Good luck