[poorlittlefish]

I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember and no meds have ever worked. I'm seriously beginning to wonder whether I have a form of autism or am just one of life's weirdos.

I am generally fine(ish) speaking to one or two people, but even then struggle to make conversation as I find I ask questions but get none asked back. However, put me in any kind of group setting and I feel like a caged bird, desperate to escape. I will always be the one left standing alone in a corner.

If I offer an opinion or suggestion people either ignore me (and later offer the same suggestion themselves) or look at me as if I'm speaking a foreign language. I never seem to have the same thoughts or views as other people, I find it very hard to think of ideas to contribute and it's as if my brain just doesn't function like theirs. I prefer to do everything by myself and don't want or need others.

People claim to struggle with things that I find easy and vice versa. My IQ was tested at 134, so I'm not a stupid person, but I've always been described as "odd" and "independent". I am not remotely close to any of my family and have always found it nearly impossible to express love or affection. I seem to have little in common with the human race in general.

I think I'm always very polite and go out of my way not to offend people, but am told I can be abrupt or rude. I tell the truth always and people seem to dislike that. I get very annoyed if someone moves what's mine and irritated as hell by poor spelling or things not being done properly (pedantic). I have a poor sense of smell and am not receptive to touch but I don't think I have an obsession with numbers or patterns.

Other than two people I write to occasionally I have absolutely no friends and while those I work with are pleasant enough they've never suggested doing anything outside of work. I absolutely hate speaking on the phone and think of myself as a writer, not a talker. I am very much a "details" person.

I did the Psych Central autism test and got a score of 38, but at the age of 42 I can't determine whether life's just made me into a total weirdo or if there is really something other than depression at the heart of it. I feel that if I go to the doctor he'll dismiss how I feel because people don't like me telling them a different opinion.

Does any of this sound like I could be autistic or resonate with anyone else?

[kaliope]

I have many of those same traits and consider myself weird. my sister suggested I was autistic but I am not. psych testing revealed schizoid traits which my phd says are a result of my ptsd due to trauma. I just chalk it up to poor social skills and a lack of trust of people....

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by poorlittlefish

I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember and no meds have ever worked. I'm seriously beginning to wonder whether I have a form of auti as if my brain just doesn't function like theirs. I prefer to do everything by myself and don't want or need others.

People claim to struggle with things that I find easy and vice versa. My IQ was tested at 134, so I'm not a stupid person, but I've always been described as "odd" and "independent". I am not remotely close to any of my family and have always found it nearly impossible to express love or affection. I seem to have little in common with the human race in general.

I think I'm always very polite and go out of my way not to offend people, but am told I can be abrupt or rude. I tell the truth always and people seem to dislike that. I get very annoyed if someone moves what's mine and irritated as hell by poor spelling or things not being done properly (pedantic). I have a poor sense of smell and am not receptive to touch but I don't think I have an obsession with numbers or patterns.

Other than two people I write to occasionally I have absolutely no friends and while those I work with are pleasant enough they've never suggested doing anything outside of work. I absolutely hate speaking on the phone and think of myself as a writer, not a talker. I am very much a "details" person.

I did the Psych Central autism test and got a score of 38, but at the age of 42 I can't determine whether life's just made me into a total weirdo or if there is really something other than depression at the heart of it. I feel that if I go to the doctor he'll dismiss how I feel because people don't like me telling them a different opinion.

Does any of this sound like I could be autistic or resonate with anyone else?

Oh dear, we do sound rather similar. It is a bit of a cross to bear isn't it?

Most people consider me eccentric rather than weird, although unfortunately I can do weirdness too.

I do see autism spectrum aspects in myself.

But we do have good and useful qualities do, don't we.

[CompleteNerd]

Originally Posted by poorlittlefish

I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember and no meds have ever worked. I'm seriously beginning to wonder whether I have a form of autism or am just one of life's weirdos.

I am generally fine(ish) speaking to one or two people, but even then struggle to make conversation as I find I ask questions but get none asked back. However, put me in any kind of group setting and I feel like a caged bird, desperate to escape. I will always be the one left standing alone in a corner.

If I offer an opinion or suggestion people either ignore me (and later offer the same suggestion themselves) or look at me as if I'm speaking a foreign language. I never seem to have the same thoughts or views as other people, I find it very hard to think of ideas to contribute and it's as if my brain just doesn't function like theirs. I prefer to do everything by myself and don't want or need others.

People claim to struggle with things that I find easy and vice versa. My IQ was tested at 134, so I'm not a stupid person, but I've always been described as "odd" and "independent". I am not remotely close to any of my family and have always found it nearly impossible to express love or affection. I seem to have little in common with the human race in general.

I think I'm always very polite and go out of my way not to offend people, but am told I can be abrupt or rude. I tell the truth always and people seem to dislike that. I get very annoyed if someone moves what's mine and irritated as hell by poor spelling or things not being done properly (pedantic). I have a poor sense of smell and am not receptive to touch but I don't think I have an obsession with numbers or patterns.

Other than two people I write to occasionally I have absolutely no friends and while those I work with are pleasant enough they've never suggested doing anything outside of work. I absolutely hate speaking on the phone and think of myself as a writer, not a talker. I am very much a "details" person.

I did the Psych Central autism test and got a score of 38, but at the age of 42 I can't determine whether life's just made me into a total weirdo or if there is really something other than depression at the heart of it. I feel that if I go to the doctor he'll dismiss how I feel because people don't like me telling them a different opinion.

Does any of this sound like I could be autistic or resonate with anyone else?

Oh my god, i am so glad you wrote this! All of the things you said, I could have written them myself! You might consider yourself lucky to have a job where your skills and productivity are valued enough to keep you employed.

In many work environments people vie for power and the ones who cannot negotiate the subtleties of human interaction well enough are given the pink slip. I have had career highs and lows that would be hard to imagine because some people are bad to the core and people like us have no defenses. I believe that there is a special class of people, like you and me, whose sole strengths are purity of thought and reason and purity of intentions - and they struggle in this bad, bad world, just to stay afloat.

It seems he medical community will continue to divide and classify and reclassify in order to settle the difference between the kind of autism that leaves people practically vegetables and the kind of autism that leads people to be super-duper successes.

At this point in time it is still a big mystery. It is a big mystery to me too. The best we can do is to do the best we can do. The doctors don't have the answers.
The medical community needs to understand that we progress in cognition differently, but that this is not a deficiency. The general public needs to learn that a little bit of compassion will go a long way, not just for the person, but for their own ultimate goals.

People like us who are verbal and literate and intelligent can continue to tell our stories, thereby helping the medical community and the general public.