[Lexi232]

today i think has went not so great, mainly due to the lack of sleep i got. a little later that 3am and i got up at 8am. so i think that has a big part in why im so b***hy.

but waiting in a small room that had barely any standing room for anymore people, was also playing into it. along with some lady who sounded severely flu ridden head congestion and fever was standing by me and then reached overwhere i was signing in, and coughed and hacked all right there and only an inch away from us being face to face. she didnt cover her mouth, she didnt apologize, and she seemed smart and capable enough to atleast know to say sorry if it happens to escape by accident on top of a persons breathing space. and i gathered that when she seemed mad at me because i looked at her.
(i also have a few immune disorders that suppress my immune system so... yah, its prolly certain that i'll get whatever she had(i even catched bronchitis off of someone when i was in highschool and never smoked. )

but to the part that i really need to vent a about (just trying to give the background info, sorry if its unnecessary or "tmi")

but then after carrying 1 gallon of tea, and two bags of cans and other items , i found the cart we have here to help take things to our appartments was missing in action. so i took it all upstairs and to my appartment. one bag snaped the plastic and fell to the ground (which bothered me more in sound, than the change of process to figure what the next step to get in it the house would be.

and i go back out to get the water from that same place... carrying 32 bottles of water about half a mile, then get inside and find that the cart IS STILL GONE. in one big drop i got my fingers free from the plastic that had started to cut into my fingers grip and let it drop to the ground with a "d**n it its still gone" then someone came up and tried to lecture me while my heart was beating hard in my throat and my heart rate was approx 160bpm (from common experience and issues ive learned how fast two beats or 4 beats are together to figure out my approx area of what it is(ever only been 10bpm off at the most(confirmed by ERs and doctors and such over the past 5 years.) and my shoulder felt the heart beat as a pain. and my heart was doing that thing where they caught it on the ekg once that they said, it prematurely beats, then collapses, and then it starts back to catch up. (a "collapsing" heart, doesnt sound that good, but they seemed to think it wasnt a serious thing when they caught it a few times). but this heart issue was from strain and exhaustion, not due by anxiety. and i was really fed up by this time. someone tried to say i "slammed" the water bottles down. but by slamming, that action would require some effort of pushing it towards the ground. i literally just got my hands free and let it drop. but then i had a group of people jumping on to me and their voices just clustered together and it was too much. no volume level difference . then as i saw the person finally bringing the cart back (i waited, and tried to slow my heart rate back down, but their yelling at me wasnt giving much aid to that). the person appologised by saying "sorry, do you want this cart? im sorry, i just got caught up in a phone call, and you know how that can be." i nodded and said "yeah" but it was just sudden reaction to her. inside i was gathering up sentences and word thoughts and came to : " no, i dont know how that is, i rarely speak on the phone, i have troubles communication verbally too, so no.. i dont know how that is... and why didnt she just bring it back out while on the cellphone? theres no sense in keeping the cart hostage while you talk on the phone for hours! dont even have to call the person back or tell them to hold, you just have to go and bring it back, your not stuck on a landline, or a corded phone."
and as i was making my get away, someone over did it greatly on a perfumed lysol in the elevator. i had issues breathing it was so bad. but as i was making my getaway their comments werent very nice about how i "slammed the water on the ground" . and ever since, ive been thinking "you would of dropped it too if you had to carry it half a mile, and then not have the cart to put it on to wheel it upstairs, and lets see you let it go and that 16 litters of water bottles not make a sound when hitting title flooring. ! nothing is bent or broken or anything! it certain would of been if i had done as you claimed and "slammed" it down!" (odd thing for me tho, is that it was like the sound was numb - i didnt hear them when they went to the ground.. which normally i get overwhelmed and agitated over similar sounds or sounds that usually isnt even seen as that severe by other people.)

ugh.... and to top it off, im very unsteady on my feet today. ive went one leg up and arms out trying to get my balance back while in the midst of falling over, or falling into things, multiple times today... and my cats are very vocal today and staying near me and not letting me move away to where they are able to be touching me in some way.... all things that happened the day prior to that night here recently when i had a cluster of grandmal sezures, and they werent able to find the cause. but i was outside when it happened, so now i know unless i want to risk getting hypothermia again, i will stay in my appartment until either the issues pass, or the sezure comes and goes. (last time i was going on a low amount of sleep, so i think it could be linked to lack of sleep (since i already dont go into the REM cycle sleep stage, so even getting 3-4 hrs of sleep acts like no sleep were gained...

however, i think i am going to try to take a nap now. this actually did help to process and move passed the incidents earlier.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hi Lexi232: I'm sorry this all happened to you. It must have been frustrating! I guess this is the sort of thing that comes under the heading of, it never rains but what it pours... hope you're feeling better soon. (Maybe the apartment management could spring for a 2nd cart!)

[Anonymous37919]

I hate the flu too, so I will avoid that person like the plague. I just got over a bad cold and I felt sick. I kept hoping it would be gone by court day. I would not want to postpone something like that over a cold. Luckily, colds only last about 3 days and I come down with mine on Monday. I'll be immune for a wee while then.

[avlady]

Thats awful it sounds so frustrating, I think you should breathe deep and have some hot chocolate.

[Anonymous37919]

What is all that green stuff that comes out your nose when a cold is going away? It is either used up cells or that horrible mucus stuff. Yuck!

Well, I have to go to court in the morning. I need to get some sleep, but I can't. Would you feel like sleeping knowing a judge could sentence you to the slammer?

The darn seniors are NOT going to court. Their "excuse" is that I do not want them there for support - I just want someone present to assign blame. And of course that is the case. They initiated this mess, after all, but they are STILL responsible. They also try to point out that I did not have to react in the manner I did.

So, right. They lied, over multiple people I liked. Yes? So you are just supposed to not be angry if you are me and they meant something to you. They know I am obsessed with them, so they just did what they had to for the "safety" of their precious staff, regardless of how I would react after finding out they told me lies.

If I had been threatening them then they would have a fair argument about why it was right to take them away from me, but I just got attached to them, like that is really sinful. Huh?

[Lexi232]

thats really messed up how they are thinking, and thinking that they know what youre thinking. how can they know more about what your thinking, than what you know? its messed up how they think they can read your mind.
theres been many times i wish someone could see what i could send them through thoughts, because i cant explain things very well without a lot of mental work, and that could retell things that have gone on, by the memory themselves, and i wouldnt have to have words.

how did the court go?