Hi all. So, I have been diagnosed with ASD a year ago. I have told some people who are kind of affected by it - some colleagues, my study leaders and so on, and one or two close friends. I say it affects them because they have to deal with me, so I figured I owe them some kind of explanation (I guess) for my weird/abnormal behaviour.

I am someone who is generally open about it. If people want to know, I tell them. I like it when people ask questions, and I encourage them not to be afraid of me and they can approach me and ask me things. I like it.

The problem comes with those closest to me. How on earth do I tell them about this? The first thing they will want to know is why I went to a therapist in the first place, as I had no problems on the outside (what they saw). At home I seem so happy. It actually feels like I live two lives.

It's going to come out some way or another, I know it. Someone is going to slip up and it will be revealed. At this point I'm safe. The people I've told are few enough so that I know who I've told to not tell my parents. But, in time, I'm bound to tell more people, and then it will get to a point where I will forget who I've told, and they might just tell someone who then mentions it to my parents in passing and it's a disaster.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? I would imagine it happens most when you get diagnosed as an adult by yourself with your own pdoc or whatever in private, independent of your parents, etc.

Well, at this point I can only describe the experience from the perspective of being one of the closest people to my partner who has it and was probably in a similar position as you before he told me. His family knew, but he's always had a lot of trouble keeping girls around so it's likely he was afraid of telling me and me leaving him.

But I'm glad he told me. You know why? Because it showed he trusted me and because then I could go read about Aspergers and try to understand him better. And it ultimately lead me to wonder if I had as well, which will hopefully lead me to taking care of the issues I do have whether it's part of Aspergers or not.

I'm not sure if that helps or not...

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

Well, at this point I can only describe the experience from the perspective of being one of the closest people to my partner who has it and was probably in a similar position as you before he told me. His family knew, but he's always had a lot of trouble keeping girls around so it's likely he was afraid of telling me and me leaving him.

But I'm glad he told me. You know why? Because it showed he trusted me and because then I could go read about Aspergers and try to understand him better. And it ultimately lead me to wonder if I had as well, which will hopefully lead me to taking care of the issues I do have whether it's part of Aspergers or not.

I'm not sure if that helps or not...

Yes, thank you, that does help. It's true, when a problem is brought out into the open, people make progress on it and things change dramatically. This is what happened when I told all those people about my condition.

I just don't know though. My parents and family is just a whole other kettle of fish all together. It feels weird even thinking about telling them.

[Bernard54]

I was diagnosed as an adult (was actually seeing therapist at the time for severe depression, OCD, anxiety disorder) and have only told two people.

To my wife it made perfect sense. On the other hand, my sister has doubts and believes I am just 'eccentric'. My good friend, a former school counselor, figured it out long before I was diagnosed.

In my mind things like this are on a 'need to know' basis. And, since I am a very private person, most people just don't need to know.

That makes a lot of sense, I also go by the "need to know" basis. But, I don't know what's going to happen in the future. I am considering careers that might put me in the public eye somewhat. People are going to ask and people are going to speak. I don't want my parents being the last to find out.

[-jimi-]

My family is dependent on seeing life the way they always did. I know I will hurt them and their sensitive equilibrium if I talk about me. So I simply don't. I can mention things like being sensitive to stress, needing alone time. So they know that. But I would never, ever tell them I have a diagnosis of Asperger's and ADD.

Originally Posted by -jimi-

My family is dependent on seeing life the way they always did. I know I will hurt them and their sensitive equilibrium if I talk about me. So I simply don't. I can mention things like being sensitive to stress, needing alone time. So they know that. But I would never, ever tell them I have a diagnosis of Asperger's and ADD.

Thanks. That is exactly the sort of thing I think I sit with. They won't be able to handle it. They will go into complete denial and tell me I'm just talking rubbish. And also, they will ask me why I went to a therapist and then I will say because I was depressed and things and then they (especially my dad) will try to make it about them again, and it must be something they did and why didn't I come to them first and all that stuff. I don't tell them stuff because they always treat me like a child.

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

I haven't even told my parents as well. My family members don't have the opened mind that I have, and they believe that whatever psychological issue that you have is something that can be easily overlooked, but that is simply because they don't have it. Autism is not just a mental attitude, or a state or just behavior thing, it really is a problem that requires a lot of time and effort to do as much as just reducing it, as I come to understand it. I'm also afraid that if I told them and they somehow believe it and take to the heart, they won't treat me the way they used to, because now their view on me has changed. So, I guess I'll keep my mouth shut, even though Autism shines through my speech and the way I behave for them to simply notice, but it's alright.

Originally Posted by RenouncedTroglodyte

I haven't even told my parents as well. My family members don't have the opened mind that I have, and they believe that whatever psychological issue that you have is something that can be easily overlooked, but that is simply because they don't have it. Autism is not just a mental attitude, or a state or just behavior thing, it really is a problem that requires a lot of time and effort to do as much as just reducing it, as I come to understand it. I'm also afraid that if I told them and they somehow believe it and take to the heart, they won't treat me the way they used to, because now their view on me has changed. So, I guess I'll keep my mouth shut, even though Autism shines through my speech and the way I behave for them to simply notice, but it's alright.

That sounds so much like what would happen to me too. I know my dad, how he will go about it again - as usual, he will constantly interfere with everything and then try to "help" by trying to control everything I do, and constantly tell me what I must do. My mom will say it's all rubbish and that I'm normal. It's exactly like you say, they are not open-minded enough. Autism is real, it has real consequences. But, there are still so many people who will say it's all just rubbish and not real and that the person is just not having enough faith in himself and all this stuff.

I think you've just gotta be honest and start with "I need to tell you something". you don't need to explicitly tell them why you saw a therapist, just say you realised you were having problems.

[Anonymous37919]

If you can prove you were diagnosed, they should respect that, and know your traits and character is a part of that condition. It serves no purpose to convince some people, though. Like if I said to people that they must excuse me for what I say, they may think I am playing up on that I have autism. It's kind of like, well, I was not feeling good that day. I hit a man. So what? Excuse me for it.

No free passes. Just critique.