[TheEbonyEwe]

So....I've managed to alienate everyone in my life. All of my friends, that is. I noticed that I seem to be drawn to or maybe I just attract (because of my aspergers) overbearing, loud women as friends. I'm tired of them...they're annoying as heck! They drive me nuts, but they see me and think I need to 'come out of my shell' or 'get out and socialize more'! and are always in my business, meddling and such. The kind of people who cry and moan to you about their problems, but when you have one, they're dismissive and make light of your problems. Worse, if you tell them you have Aspergers, they're like...huh? Oh, that's awful, but could care less and go on about themselves.

So these women always seem attracted to me for some reason; I don't know why. As aspies, do we seem needy or something or easy to manipulate? Man, I hate people who are like that so lately, I've put up boundaries and I've noticed since I've done that, the overbearing people stop calling and bothering me.

Do we seem like pushovers because of our social awkwardness?

I like having friends, but I don't want loud, overbearing people as friends and that seems to be the only kind of person who will talk to me. I'd rather be lonely if that's the case, but lonely starts to suck after a while....and it's starting to suck.

[ChavInAHat]

I am not diagnosed yet (I have my assessment in a couple of days)

But I so get what you are saying about people trying to get you to socialise more ect. It is so annoying!

How much is the right amount to socialise anyway?

I also get the position of you don't want to talk to the people in your life but you are lonely without them.

Sorry I don't have anything helpful to say other than I get where you are coming from

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Anonymous37919]

Well, I think you are lucky having all this attention from the opposite sex. This could perhaps be an advantage for you, as long as you want this attention from any woman who has an interest in you.

I'm not good looking enough and I do not know how to get a woman to date me. It doesn't help that people have hurt me a lot in my life and my anxiety hinders me whenever I may be thrust into social settings. I've basically got stress stopping me from getting on with my day, so I find it challenging to even cope doing the basics.

My one major friend will be 55 in May. He is not fond of most people. He thinks women are not decent. But I hate that he thinks I should agree with this remark. I'm not sure I would want to be single aged 55 like he is.

[TheEbonyEwe]

Originally Posted by Peter A

Well, I think you are lucky having all this attention from the opposite sex. This could perhaps be an advantage for you, as long as you want this attention from any woman who has an interest in you.

I'm not good looking enough and I do not know how to get a woman to date me. It doesn't help that people have hurt me a lot in my life and my anxiety hinders me whenever I may be thrust into social settings. I've basically got stress stopping me from getting on with my day, so I find it challenging to even cope doing the basics.

My one major friend will be 55 in May. He is not fond of most people. He thinks women are not decent. But I hate that he thinks I should agree with this remark. I'm not sure I would want to be single aged 55 like he is.

Actually, I'm a married woman. And I wouldn't call it attention (poor explanation on my part I guess) as it feels like I'm being preyed upon sometimes.

I agree with your friend; most women are not decent, but most men aren't either. There are very few decent people left in the world. Everyone is always trying to screw someone over for money, power, vengeance, jealousy, etc. I don't have time for that. I'd rather be lonely I guess than have to wonder if this/that person is plotting on me or trying to take advantage of me. My brain just cannot tolerate stupid mind games.

I wish people would tell it like it is and be honest.

[ToeJam]

I get where you're coming from... when I was younger and had more energy, I did immerse myself in 'socializing' but I found it tiring and very confusing at times... especially in group situations... was lucky in one regard that I met my now wife (been together 17 years)... if I was single now, I think it would be a permanent thing.

These days, I have a couple of close friends (from childhood) and a few periphery ones... trust is a major factor and I am quite happy to play the listening role... being the center of attention just makes my head hurt and I get overwhelmed which can lead to social blunders... I definitely try to avoid loud and self interested people as it's too much hard work.

Very lucky I have an understanding wife who (though we were both unaware I had as until recently) is a trained teacher and has a lot of experience with autistic and aspie students... has made life at home a lot smoother.

[kaiouti]

I get this I think. When I get so much positive energy and in a good social mindset I try to socialize but as soon as I do I then remember why I cut myself off from people and their negative mindsets. Its annoying and frustrating that people cannot accept a person who is willing to be honorable and do the right things instead of the wrong things. I usually attract users, manipulators, druggies, Clowns and weird people. But I do remain positive and try not to let their behaviour effect my own mindset or view on things, I remain believing that there are good people out there I just got to stop settling for negative people because I think thats all I deserve. Belief is a powerful thing if you do it right, and unfortunately magnetism of people can be baised towards your past, so if you keep believing you will find bad people or have a mind set on accepting the bad, it will still come. I gotta learn to keep my mind strong and push through the bad without it creating bias or changing the way I choose to be.

[Serzen]

I am quiet. Let's be friends if that's ok with you

[Proust]

I'm really lonely and wish I had a few good and close friends. But I can't seem to connect with anyone anymore, and a lot of people would only talk to me/hang out with me when they're bored.

[TheEbonyEwe]

The main offender (who is always keeping tabs on me) called me yesterday. I messaged and said I was in the clinic with stomach flu getting fluids and meds. After a shot of Phenergan, I was out until today. According to my hubs, she called twice yesterday and he finally picked up. She's wanting to talk to me and he's like..."she's out cold and very sick." So she calls again today and he's like..."really? Could you please just give her a few days...maybe call Tuesday? She needs rest and doesn't feel like talking." She had the audacity to want to know if I wanted to go to the movies today. Hubs said that she sounded like she didn't believe him about me being sick and that really made me mad. So she's been put on the separation list. People that I am slowly stopping frequent contact and socialization with since they can't respect me.
The only reason she wants to hang out with me is when nobody else from her clique is available. She seriously needs hobbies or something....just quit bothering me!

So the other neighbor calls (who is on the totally cut off list!) and asks him if I can go shopping with her tomorrow.

Her shopping trips usually go something like this....she'll get to the register and never have enough, then tell me she'll pay me back, which she never does. Oh, and we always have to go to an expensive sit-down restaurant instead of something cheap. Guess who ends up paying after hearing her "i'm so po" speech. She's dumb too, and it never dawns on her why I avoid her like the plague.

Hubs told her that I was extremely sick, so she's been calling every 4 hours. He finally told her to stop calling and she got mad, spouting some garbage like, "Well, I just want to know how she is." No...you want to know when you can call and pressure me into going shopping is what.

These are the kind of people who are drawn to me. I don't know why. Maybe nobody else will hang with them and they think I'm starving for friends because I'm a loner.

I gotta go lie down....stomach flu blows!

[PrairieCat]

I think I am a high functioning person with some autism. I feel that my three siblings also have this. Our parents may have had it also. I agree with all of you about so many people being so incredibly bothersome! I cannot stand people a good part of the time. So, I am lonely much of the time. I am also aging. I am a woman who is not interested in men anymore, either, so it seems.
I am not speaking to my next door neighbor in order to protect myself. She verbally attacked me on the phone while I was recovering from a broken ankle recently. I do not talk with any of my three siblings anymore; they are just way too screwed up. A best friend died a year ago and another has terminal cancer and is far away and kind of detached due to her illness. Another is far away and we have nothing in common, especially politics! And on and on. So it goes.
I will make you here my friends and will endeavor to come back here and talk to you because you get it!

[TheEbonyEwe]

Originally Posted by PrairieCat

I think I am a high functioning person with some autism. I feel that my three siblings also have this. Our parents may have had it also. I agree with all of you about so many people being so incredibly bothersome! I cannot stand people a good part of the time. So, I am lonely much of the time. I am also aging. I am a woman who is not interested in men anymore, either, so it seems.
I am not speaking to my next door neighbor in order to protect myself. She verbally attacked me on the phone while I was recovering from a broken ankle recently. I do not talk with any of my three siblings anymore; they are just way too screwed up. A best friend died a year ago and another has terminal cancer and is far away and kind of detached due to her illness. Another is far away and we have nothing in common, especially politics! And on and on. So it goes.
I will make you here my friends and will endeavor to come back here and talk to you because you get it!

You know what...my brothers are screwed up too. My oldest committed suicide back in 2014, the next one also has Aspergers, the youngest one is Bi-polar. I live in the northwest and they live in Florida, but they expect me to come down to see them....but forget coming to see me. It's too far.
Also, they don't respect that I am disabled and I just can't travel that far. I know for a fact if I did go visit, they would dump their kids off on me and want to go partying. Excuse me...If I'm coming to see you? I'm going to party with you...not babysit while YOU go party.

They've been trying to send their kids up here for me to take care of too, so they can lie around high for the summer. I'm like...NO. I manage to take care of my kid with disabilities...YOU take care of yours. They wouldn't like it up here anyway. There is no cell phone signal where I live. LOL!

Then, my youngest brother called on Christmas at 6am in the morning. We're all still asleep so I ain't answering the phone at 6am! he got all mad and wouldn't answer the phone so I said whatever. Get mad. I ain't walking on eggshells cause you're bipolar. You don't respect that I have Aspergers, so why should I care about you?

Honestly, I've never felt close to them or anyone in my family. I don't feel like I'm missing anything by not communicating with them. My family has always been distant. There's a resentment for each other that I'm not sure where it originated from. I think it may have came from our mother because she was bipolar and always mad and aggravated and screaming at us when we were kids. I'm not mad at her, because she didn't know...didn't understand why she felt the way she did. I don't even know if she thought about it, or just thought everyone else was sub par instead.

Come to think of it...when my father died last year, my oldest brother told the youngest one that he didn't have anyone to tell on us now. He was always telling on us to Dad. When Dad would start preaching to him to stop drinking, he'd say, oh yeah? Guess what sis has been doing? and that would distract him. I'd get a call and ugh.... That made me realize that we did a lot of that growing up; mostly to divert Mom's wrath or Dad's preaching to someone else. That made us resent each other a lot.

Wow...revelations.

[Lanadelle]

I dont want to believe that most people are not good... I really don't .... But I keep reading negative comments ... There are worthwhile people in our society ... Just look harder and try and get to know someone.... I get along with people who have been through hell... We have an immediate understanding .... Look at all the connections we make on this site

[Lunella]

My best friends are Aspies.. I don't know why but I get along a lot better with other Aspies.
I end up talking to someone and really get along with them and then all of a sudden I find out they are autistic in some way and now I'm just like "oh so that's why we get along so well"...

Neurotypical people are okay but I've found my best friendships which have lasted years are with autistic people.

[muffinhead]

I really get you, OP. I'm just now realizing that I put everyone I become "friends" with on a pedestal and don't see them as mere people. I really would like to believe that people are better than they are, but it doesn't seem to be the case. This is one of the hardest things about being an aspie, I think

Originally Posted by TheEbonyEwe

So she's been put on the separation list.

Please tell me the separation list is handwritten on paper.

Me too! You folks know when people like 'adopt' aspies because they see a person who has ideas but no social skills and want to do their good deed of the week and befriend you and normalize? I hate those ones.

[TheEbonyEwe]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Please tell me the separation list is handwritten on paper.

??? I don't understand this comment.

[Serzen]

I never liked most people. Every day that passes I find I can interact less and less with most people without having a negative effect on my quality of life. I enjoy this a lot.

I like my few friends and close family members and keep spending time with them every weekend. That seems to be sufficient to me and I'm comfortable with it.

I hope you can find the way that fits you the best.

[Mariselle]

I've never experienced loneliness as I understand others experience it. I prefer being alone and seek it.