[SarahSweden]

I was diagnosed with PDD NOS a year ago and I haven´t understood why really and in the diagnosis papers there isn´t anything about the actual difficulties, it seemed based more or less on my own story about childhood. I never suspected anything on the spectrum when I was little nor when I was an adult, a T recommended me to do a diagnosis test.

My current T knows about the diagnosis and even if she never mentions things like "this and that is because of your diagnosis" I feel some things could fit in my diagnosis of PDD NOS. That some things I did as a child and now as an adult could fit in to this diagnosis. And by that I just feel that if it´s really because of my diagnosis, it´s pointless to discuss it in therapy. I´m in no need of getting taught about relationships, practising how to act or anything but at the same time, perhaps some things are pointless to discuss, they can´t be changed anyways.

I mean things like I don´t like just chatting about stuff because you´re supposed to and talk about things the "popular" people talk about at a workplace or such. But that I see more as an attitude and liking some things and not others but it could also be a symptom of my diagnosis and then I mean, what´s the point in discussing it therapeutically?

[-jimi-]

I think you do need to talk with your therapist about your diagnosis. Because it is bothering you and left to your own thoughts you are obviously just going round and round, never getting anywhere. You've been doing this a long time now.

It is not pointless to discuss it. Your thinking is very black and white. It is like either you don't have this and then you can treat your symptoms and feel better and function better, OR, if you have this your life is over you can never ever learn anything or change anything.

Just that reasoning tells me there IS something going on. Black and white thinking are for example common in autism and BPD.

There is a greyscale, and YES, people on the spectrum can learn to use it! Your therapist can help with that. You are NOT lost just because you're on the spectrum. You have to break that thought and you can't alone.

It is time you go fight this beast in therapy. And actually time to learn what the spectrum is and how you fit in on it. And also learn that you can still be a successful person AND that yes, us spectrum people CAN learn, we do EVERY DAY.

But one thing you cannot do, is to outstubborn autism.

[LifeInProgress]

Talk with your T about your diagnosis and how you feel about it. Dx is not a fixed thing, it can change and evolve over time as you and your T explore things.

[Talthybius]

What's the point of a diagnosis if it changes when the patient doesn't like it?

[-jimi-]

To the OP, it would be interesting to hear what you think autism is. Maybe you don't really understand the concept? I'm not trying to be rude here. It is just like you think it is the end of the world while us others on here usually don't feel like our lives are over.

[Talthybius]

Well, autism is an insult nowadays, and a harsh one. Clearly, society values the opposite of what autism is, causing autism to become an insult.

There was this psychologist that pointed out that very young children have two very popular insults: 'autist' and 'loser', when they aren't even expected to understand either of them. It just says a lot about society. It values people who are liked and respected because they can make connections with people in a society where friends and associates rotate in and out quickly and people who are very successful, usually professionally.

Even a 10 year old already has the fear about being an autist or being a loser. Not liking your diagnosis of autism is very understandable, even though the stereotype and the actual individual profile may not match that much. In the end, it is a label with very negative connotations.

Not the end of the world to have a diagnosis, I agree. But how would people ever think more positive of you when you tell them you have autism? Only in the case where they think you are rude, a prick, or make the other feel bad about themselves, if they didn't know your diagnosis. Once you tell them, it will only amplify your awkwardness in their eyes.

It's like finding out that a person (probably I mean guys) is gay. When you see them as who they 'really' are, you don't notice it. At least I don't. But then when you learn they are homosexual, all their quirky behavior suddenly becomes a lot more obvious. I had this fellow student and I thought he was quite cool and laid back. In hindsight, he fits quite a bit of the stereotype gay male profile, and he even thinks so himself. But I didn't notice. And once he told me/others, I viewed him completely different and suddenly I did notice his 'queer' traits.

This is exactly what I imagine would happen if I asked for a diagnosis, got autism or Asperger's or High functional autism, and I would then tell people about my diagnosis.

Best thing is to hide it outwards, but inwards accept it somehow.

It would be different if a diagnosis actually had a treatment associated with it. But since there is no treatment, all that happens is that you are branded with something that is mostly negative. And things like understanding yourself though a diagnosis of someone who glanced at 0.01% of who you really truly are, I don't think it can be helpful.

That said, practicing is going to help anyone, no matter who or what you are. If you want to be good at small talk or be good at making others feel comfortable around you, you just need to do it a lot and be really conscious about how well you do and how much you can improve.

[-jimi-]

I'm glad autistic hasn't become (yet anyway) something you call people to be mean over here.

Still, no it is nothing you tell people really. Not like to everyone. There is a stigma here too, over everything "mental". But also the aspie community is STRONG.

So yes, I pretty much agree with above.

[-jimi-]

OP, I read one of your other posts and even if I'm not sure if you ever asked what is autistic about you I feel that question is there a lot. I can tell you one thing I noticed though, that you have in common with one of my autistic real life friends. I'm not sure if it is of any interest. But you both do the same thing over and over and over again, like as if you were angry the world didn't change around you. I've seen her running into the same wall time after another. She is unable to change her approach. That is sometimes a part of autism.

I'm not saying it is impossible for a person on the spectrum to learn how to change approaches, but I do think it is impossible if one doesn't understand one is doing it. If this is a main issue in your personal setup of autism, you don't need to just tell yourself this cannot be changed. But you need to admit that this is an area which needs a lot of practice.

I hope I'm not upsetting you. That is not my goal.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. I appreciate the question. Being on the autism spectrum for me implies not being able to have a full time job, that it´s very hard to find a job and to fit in among others, to be constantly tired and that neurotypicals find me odd in some ways after getting to know me more. To me it also implies having anxiety all the time and being prone to depression. That what it implies to me personally and in my situation.

Originally Posted by -jimi-

To the OP, it would be interesting to hear what you think autism is. Maybe you don't really understand the concept? I'm not trying to be rude here. It is just like you think it is the end of the world while us others on here usually don't feel like our lives are over.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, partly I wonder about that as my diagnosis papers don´t tell me specifically what my difficulties consist of. I´m not sure what you mean I do over and over again? Do you mean posting hear at the forum?

You´re not upsetting me, I appreciate your engagement in this. As I don´t know if my situation is caused partly by the autism spectrum or if it´s more because of outer circumstances I don´t know how to advance or how to begin to improve my life. I really tried in therapy and my T says I have moved forward but I still feel stuck in life and that a lot of things feel hopeless.

Originally Posted by -jimi-

OP, I read one of your other posts and even if I'm not sure if you ever asked what is autistic about you I feel that question is there a lot. I can tell you one thing I noticed though, that you have in common with one of my autistic real life friends. I'm not sure if it is of any interest. But you both do the same thing over and over and over again, like as if you were angry the world didn't change around you. I've seen her running into the same wall time after another. She is unable to change her approach. That is sometimes a part of autism.

I'm not saying it is impossible for a person on the spectrum to learn how to change approaches, but I do think it is impossible if one doesn't understand one is doing it. If this is a main issue in your personal setup of autism, you don't need to just tell yourself this cannot be changed. But you need to admit that this is an area which needs a lot of practice.

I hope I'm not upsetting you. That is not my goal.