[Anonymous37919]

I've had a whole plethora of issues to deal with, that have been causing me stress.

I used to live in supported accommodation, and I had various support workers in something referred to as an outreach team. Anyway, I had same sex helpers and women as well, but I had an awful habit of getting attached to certain women. I'm socially inept, and find social situations problematic, but now I don't have any support at all which means I struggle to feel like my life has any merit. Being on the Internet all day or all night long isn't healthy either, but I don't have a life otherwise. Anxiety makes me unable to do things by myself. I'm really at a dead end here.

For example, I really liked a woman named Ruth, and I kept saying she was my favorite, but this was a long time ago. It's not a good idea to broadcast things like that, as whatever you talk about is logged, and I assume the staff likely have private conversations behind the scenes where they address such concerns. The company knew I was lonely and had displayed stalker like traits with my ex-girlfriend before, so they probably knew I was going to become enamored with certain staff members.

I didn't have shifts with her in ages. She was due to be transferred months later to another branch, as she kept switching between living in Bathgate and Edinburgh. So I got one shift with her just prior to the move. In their eyes, since she was moving on, I guess it didn't matter if they let me have 'one last shift' or whatever. At the time, it just whizzed by, although I did feel suspicious as to why I had not had any shifts with her in a while. But apparently, people were talking about me taken too much of an interest in her.

I ended up having legal issues with other women from that agency, which you can read about by going into my posting history on here. It was really all just a misunderstanding in my eyes that escalated, because these scumbags they put in charge constantly lied to me, and the women turned venomous. They were getting the authorities to arrest me, and then denying it. But I was remanded in jail a lot because they portrayed me to be some basket case. The court had me supervised as part of my sentencing, so I was obligated to see this guy who was like their stool pigeon.

All this petty crap resulted in me gaining an undeserved criminal record. It's been a real mess. People were being knobs to me online last year as well, but I wasn't supposed to be using certain websites at the time such as Facebook and Twitter, so if I "abused" these people who I suspect have been black balling me so I don't get acting related jobs, it meant they called the pigs. Then I had to front the court again, while those tossers got away with it.

Now I just cannot find any support workers to get on board with my ambitions. They are lazy, incompetent, and just really awkward. Most of them would rather complain about pointless things, or use their phones to mess around on Facebook. Trying to squeeze in shifts for specific events means giving them or their managers lots of notice too, and I only had this one guy recently, who is from Morocco. Eventually, I figured he was just gonna keep being a total kebab (my term for idiot foreigners) and so I asked the company to replace him, but it turned out they had him covering everybody's shifts so it wasn't possible, or they didn't like me being fussy. Social services actually took a year to find me him as a support worker, after I briefly had two other guys well over a year ago. They were okay, but they couldn't be flexible at all, which was what I required. Now I'm just really fed up.

My family's house is a complete dump as well. The council makes me bid on flats, and I really hate living with my family. It takes so long for people at the council to get the ball rolling with anything. It's suffocating. My family members have an attitude problem as well, and I feel as if they never help me. But not having a life means I notice it more.

I was just wondering how anonymous a forum Psych Central is?

If you're okay with people that can potentially cause a problem for you, due to broadcasting honest thoughts, then I would be okay with saying things like this. And kudos to you for your bravery.

However....I couldn't write what you wrote. Perhaps I'm paranoid...idk...

[Anonymous37919]

Well, I've made another appointment to see my advocacy worker next week. I'd rather not give up hope just yet. But believe me - I often feel like it.

It's so hard to find team players. I don't think I really expect too much of people.

[LaDauphine]

Don't give up hope. You're obviously way too intelligent and (surprisingly) self-aware to just waste away. Things will change if you can hold onto your hope and keep on trying.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by Peter A

I used to live in supported accommodation...

Now I just cannot find any support workers to get on board with my ambitions.

What are your ambitions other than trashing support workers?

[Anonymous37919]

How do you mean? Trashing support workers?

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by Peter A

How do you mean? Trashing support workers?

What are your ambitions other than talking about "I just cannot find any support workers to get on board with my ambitions"?

[Anonymous37919]

None, really. I did want to be an extra in films. But the anxiety has put me off.

[limpy]

Peter,

What do you mean by you are having shifts with a woman named Ruth? It sounds like a job, maybe there is some language lingo going on here. I'm assuming you are visiting a type of Crisis center of the sort? From my experience with that you do not have a say of what kind of social worker you see because they worry about people like yourself growing an attachment and dependence on one person from the agency. They are not to be treated like a friend or something more than that, as they are professionals who are there to reasonably help someone who needs it. It would go against their ethical code of standards to be more than someone who is there to help you in your time of need.

Later,
L

[Anonymous37919]

I don't have shifts with her anymore. She was employed at Autism Initiatives, but she left quite a number of years back. We stopped getting shifts together because she relocated, but I think the company removed her before that, because I never got any support sessions with her for months in 2011. She got last Friday shift with me back when Fridays were my longest days for support, just before she relocated to Bathgate. Yeah, I think the mangers there watched me like a hawk, as they knew I was a desperate loser who couldn't pull.

[Luna.]

Okay, I am going to give you some solid advice here.

DO NOT insult or mess about with support workers, the lot of them are absolute bellends all hell bent on making peoples lives a misery for their own entertainment or to get money out of the legal system on false accusations, you have no idea how easy those jobs are to get because no one wants to do them. They'll throw any old random person at you, do a few checks and they have a job. Just let them come in and do their job, do not get involved with them emotionally. They're usually toxic people just doing a crap job because they can't find anything better. I've had family members suffer literal abuse by these so called NHS support workers.

Don't get attached to the females especially - they are very likely complete idiots but you are unable to see such by having the autism. If they think you're causing abuse by being "stalkery" that can get them money and you into trouble. I've seen it before, they use it as a scam like "oh that guys being sexually abusive" next minute you have to pay fines while they get a payout from our backwards legal system. DO NOT get involved with these people male or female. The NHS has gone to complete arse and they're letting such bad people work for them now.

Having a toxic family is not going to help you so I know it's a horrible experience but keep bidding on flats to get the hell out of there because it won't be doing your mental health any good at all by staying there. Obviously being disabled you would have heard about the NHS suffering thanks to the tories selling chunks of it off and disabled people living in absolute crap as a result.

There are many autistic people with bad anxiety who have actually gotten themselves out of this mess and it's usually through working in really easy jobs, look into manned guarding security at night, it's completely dead all you have to do is sit there and you get paid for it after taking a test for a SIA license.

I will tell you honestly that like, if you want to get out of this you gotta pull yourself together and force what you want in life or it's just not gonna happen, I've known people with seriously bad anxiety to the point they couldn't even eat infront of others and they now go to work and have their own place - but the way out is to do more and work on your anxiety because you won't get anything for free unfortunately, this world is about being independent and doing it yourself because no one wants to help, or they do want to help but are tied by financial limitations and can't really do that much. Try speaking to a few charities, local community centres and things like that. There should be a centre for other disabled people everyone goes to like in most towns. These places are usually filled with like-minded people who will point you in the right direction.

You have the internet infront of you, its such a massive helpful tool for figuring out how to do simple things and get past bits of insecurity. You can learn how to do things, be a bit more creative in your google searches and try to learn waaay more, do a bit of sociology/psychology research it benefits autistic people tremendously.

What you need is to go out and find people the same as you, there are sooooo many people out there who suffer with the same things I'm sure you could find friends if you throw yourself at it eventhough I understand it's ridiculously hard to do with the anxiety but it's holding you back and you need to get the better of it and push through else you're going to end up with a defeatist attitude with everything. I know having a toxic family doesn't help with these things but it is possible to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

There is an actual website called SAUK who do anxiety meetups, people from all over the UK do meets to better their anxiety, even groups on meetup.com, stuff like that really helps and you can make friends from it. You gotta at least try to fix the problem or it won't get better unfortunately.

Also one big mistake a lot of autistic males seem to make is getting ridiculously obsessed about females and it's like they can see you have autism so aren't even interested in the first place and yet are still obsessive about the females who aren't interested which is why you should try to get with another autistic girl, less problems that way if you want to be rational about it. Autism is ridiculously common afterall.

Sorry if anything I said is a bit harsh or whatever, I'm just being honest. You can do it though, if I can pull myself out of suicidal depression after 10 years you can get a council flat and work on getting that anxiety to a bearable level that lets you do stuff you wanna do.

If you fancy a chat though let me know, I know a lot of stuff about the NHS, autism and social anxiety. Good luck mate.

[Anonymous37919]

Hi, Luna. You've said precisely what I've wanted to hear in years now. I'm really glad you understand my anguish and have attempted to provide advice to offer a way out of it.

I certainly see your point about having to do things by yourself. I've sometimes thought, well, if I go to a film set and I buckle under pressure because of my nerves, at least I would have tried. But being stuck in this, "I cannot do it alone..." mindset has messed up my chances, because...I know that "doubt is the biggest failure of them all." And like you say, the really genuine people out there are hard to find.

Anxiety is a horrible thing. But I suppose getting blood taken is not pleasant either. But it's important that one goes through with the small amount of pain, because we need to know what's wrong. Anxiety can help a little to bring out what's wrong, and then you can address what causes the sorrow with self-help or hired help. Sadly, I do think you're right about NHS personnel being unreliable. I'm certainly aware that they can often function as stool pigeons for some higher power. Like how they usually get a psychologist to interview people convicted of a crime prior to sentencing to decide what to do in court. Yes, I went through that too, and...there were not even any nice workers in sight. It was just me, alone, facing an uphill battle over the very scumbags I cared about, and let into my world. It's small enough, so was there any need to make it smaller? Sorry - I just feel so let down and hurt by these people.

Some do it just to be a grass. Others I think, may fear that they need to talk about what you talked about so it doesn't come back on them if they were asked why they never revealed what you revealed, thinking it was just a good chat between you and them over a cup of tea. Unfortunately, friendliness from non friends collecting a pay check and perceiving the wrong people to be your friends don't go hand in hand, as I had to learn the hard way. Now I look back and think, "I should have kept quiet about how I felt in the first place rather than being open, and maybe I'd have been okay, and still had my flat as well..."

Whenever I lay in all these parks all those years ago, freezing my butt off and feeling exhausted when I breached my 'bail terms' or conduct orders in the past, and I was afraid to go home in case I was lifted by the pigs and imprisoned over it, that ate away at me too. All I kept seeing was 2, 10, 40, or more people I liked in my head through tunnel vision, after doing a heel turn and for what? My brain was saying to pursue it more. You love them. Why can't they love you back? Nope.

Because I text a female worker being affectionate, I was sent down. It just felt so insane to me (how something so minor ended up so major, and I have 5 pages of charges to show for it now). And the Internet is useful, I'll agree. It is so handy when I need to look up charts for records. That's a hobby I totally love. Hobbies are a great thing to have. But sadly, the Internet has a darker side to it as well.

[Luna.]

Originally Posted by Peter A

Hi, Luna. You've said precisely what I've wanted to hear in years now. I'm really glad you understand my anguish and have attempted to provide advice to offer a way out of it.

Literally just telling you how it is, a thing that most people seem to not do.

Originally Posted by Peter A

I certainly see your point about having to do things by yourself. I've sometimes thought, well, if I go to a film set and I buckle under pressure because of my nerves, at least I would have tried. But being stuck in this, "I cannot do it alone..." mindset has messed up my chances, because...I know that "doubt is the biggest failure of them all." And like you say, the really genuine people out there are hard to find.

Unfortunately when it comes to most things in life you have to do it yourself if you really want it because that's what everyone else actually does do. Some people obviously get lucky because they have support networks in place but you can just as well get whatever it is you want by working your arse off on it yourself, but that's the thing with life - you gotta put in the effort and hard graft to get there.

With social anxiety, the only way forward is by doing stuff constantly until you're numb to it and it doesn't bother you anymore. Like if you were to be placed for example at a party and you had to keep replaying the same 3 hours over and over and over again, the first few times you'd be really anxious but you'd start to learn what happens and why so you wouldn't be bothered by it after hundreds of times and you'd just become bored of the scenario repeating itself, much like what neurotypical people who don't have anxiety problems are like because they know what to expect usually, so it's all just a learning curve until you understand stuff enough to not be bothered by it anymore. Which is why I say sociology/psychology research is pretty important to someone who has autism. You gotta understand different perspectives as well - or at least try to.

There's also the factor of like not being super self conscious about yourself, but the way around that is that as a general rule - most people usually don't actually care about you and people who look over at you in public are usually just doing that with a blank mind not actually considering your existence, they just look as something to look at that moves. You've probably caught yourself randomly staring at someone before for no reason, same thing applies.

Originally Posted by Peter A

Anxiety is a horrible thing. But I suppose getting blood taken is not pleasant either. But it's important that one goes through with the small amount of pain, because we need to know what's wrong. Anxiety can help a little to bring out what's wrong, and then you can address what causes the sorrow with self-help or hired help.

I would say try cognitive behavioural therapy because of your anxiety, it does help some people because of the different perspectives to look at that they can teach you and so on. Just keep trying until you force yourself to get somewhere, things will definitely change the more brute force you throw at the world.

Try to get out and do exercise as much as you can. Unfortunately exercise does play a vital role in keeping people mentally healthy - you gotta just go at the exercise and focus on it so you're not thinking about really bad stuff. It gets your brain endorphins going in a healthy way though which is quite important. You also just gotta go outside anyway if you are staying inside a lot - go wonder around some woods or something, it does your mind some good. Staying inside constantly just makes you overthink which is unhealthy and you gotta go outside to get some sun and fresh air. Staying in just makes your anxiety 100x worse so always go outside, it's an arse ache but it has to be done if you wanna kick this in the arse.

I would also say, eat TONS of greens, make sure you're getting proper veggies/nutrients in your diet, as that can play on your anxiety if you're just eating absolute crap all the time.

Think of yourself like a plant, you gotta get sun, air, proper nutrient rich food and water so give your body what it needs so your mind can be in a healthy environment. It will help with your anxiety.

Originally Posted by Peter A

Sadly, I do think you're right about NHS personnel being unreliable. I'm certainly aware that they can often function as stool pigeons for some higher power. Like how they usually get a psychologist to interview people convicted of a crime prior to sentencing to decide what to do in court. Yes, I went through that too, and...there were not even any nice workers in sight. It was just me, alone, facing an uphill battle over the very scumbags I cared about, and let into my world. It's small enough, so was there any need to make it smaller? Sorry - I just feel so let down and hurt by these people.

Just try to not say anything incriminating to anyone who works for ANY part of the NHS, just accept the help they give you but don't get attached to them or there will definitely be more trouble to contend with which will only bring down your progress.

Originally Posted by Peter A

Some do it just to be a grass. Others I think, may fear that they need to talk about what you talked about so it doesn't come back on them if they were asked why they never revealed what you revealed, thinking it was just a good chat between you and them over a cup of tea. Unfortunately, friendliness from non friends collecting a pay check and perceiving the wrong people to be your friends don't go hand in hand, as I had to learn the hard way. Now I look back and think, "I should have kept quiet about how I felt in the first place rather than being open, and maybe I'd have been okay, and still had my flat as well..."

Unfortunately, these people are just not your friends, they come across nice and whatever but really they are only seeing you because they're told to. What you need to do is go to community centres instead, people VOLUNTEER there because they WANT to help people and not just get paid for it. Obviously you'll still need to keep the NHS 'care' but just don't let them take the absolute piss like they usually do to everyone.

Originally Posted by Peter A

Whenever I lay in all these parks all those years ago, freezing my butt off and feeling exhausted when I breached my 'bail terms' or conduct orders in the past, and I was afraid to go home in case I was lifted by the pigs and imprisoned over it, that ate away at me too. All I kept seeing was 2, 10, 40, or more people I liked in my head through tunnel vision, after doing a heel turn and for what? My brain was saying to pursue it more. You love them. Why can't they love you back? Nope.

People don't want someone who is going to hinder them basically, if you're a hindrance you're not helping that person. But, what a good idea usually is - helping people to help yourself, it's a very common tactic against depression, anxiety, a plethora of mental health problems. If you can find someone to help (NOT FINANCIALLY, do not give people money, giant red flags if they ask for money) then you indirectly help yourself because it makes you feel good for helping that person. Obviously, don't let people take the piss and use you, you have to like actually have a limit.

Originally Posted by Peter A

Because I text a female worker being affectionate, I was sent down. It just felt so insane to me (how something so minor ended up so major, and I have 5 pages of charges to show for it now). And the Internet is useful, I'll agree. It is so handy when I need to look up charts for records. That's a hobby I totally love. Hobbies are a great thing to have. But sadly, the Internet has a darker side to it as well.

Just avoid workers in future honestly, anyone in any position of unpredictable weirdness - avoid.
But yeah, if you're after finding a partner, you should really be finding someone in the same boat because neurotypicals aren't going to understand your quirks and things like that. They can tell if you're 'not right' right away so, might as well find someone who is similar who actually knows how to handle that. Pretty sure there's like an aspie dating site somewhere.

Internet culture in general is shockingly childish though, the Internet CAN be a dark horrible nasty place, but that's if you let it be. You can fill your version of the Internet with everything you love though, you don't have to put up with the nasty side if you don't want to. I've filtered mine completely, I don't see much really negative stuff anymore, I tend to just keep to the learning side of the Internet and avoid comment sections if I can.

Sorry that was really long and probably full of mistakes, I'm quite tired now though so I'll leave it at that for now.

[Anonymous37919]

Yeah. You're right about the NHS and how you must get braver, so you can get the most in life. It's fair to say that I had deluded myself into thinking people working as 'professional carers' were such angels that you can warm to and "trust" to make your life/issues get better. Like how medicine should do what it says on the label. Nothing or nobody is ever that effective. Not even family. And to be honest, I'm a little bit glad I got that kick in the nuts/wake up call/bump in the road to deal with, because I know when it's all said and done, I'll be laughing at those pieces of feces when I get to where I wanna be in my life.

Recently, I spoke to my mother about how one of my favorite actors (Sylvester Stallone) started out as a total douche bag, and for all anyone knows, he may even still be a douche bag. Early into his career as a struggling no name actor, he actually did some porn, not because he's a bad person, but because he needed to get by. He also got called the person in his class most likely to get put in the [electric] chair, because he was a bad boy. His mother even had to ship him over to Switzerland to study there. Looking at these early exploits though, I was shocked to see the "Sly" as a blooming idiot. Such a far cry from his iconic persona.

Now, I've heard stuff from online reports that fans accused him of abuse, which is common in the entertainment world. Seriously, you get actors raping women and then paying them $9000 to keep quiet. Sure, fans may fabricate stuff, like support workers do. But you need to separate movies from real life. Stallone is renowned for his film roles (like Rocky) and all, but he's..."only playing a part." The original Rambo is a movie I love to pieces as well. But he's just portraying a character, so arguably, there's no heroism to be found there. Never get enamored with celebrities.

Simply put...YOU do not know what a person is REALLY like unless you spend a great deal of time with that person. There are lots of actors, musicians, TV presenters, etc that you can admire as public figures, but I'll bet many of them are part of crime syndicates. This is why I never buy an Axel Rose record, as great a singer as he is. You do that and the cash that Guns N' Roses pours in from record sales only serves to fund their morphine and coke habits. Recently, some rapper in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame got done for murder.

And an English pop star who I liked for 10 years, turned on me on Twitter. I'm not gonna name him, but his band is called Wah! and he is massive in Liverpool. He also did a song called "Sinful!" in 1986. The guy was reported to be a jerk, a lot, and is infamous for his ego, but I didn't buy into that. Well, I even contributed to the production of his new album, because...he said he's "not had a record out this century." Next thing, he started muting me when I called him one profane word (probably because he muted me beforehand, and I probably just said what I said in response to him doing that anyway). When I asked him to give me another chance, he told me to get to stepping (I "abused" him, apparently) and he even put up screenshots about me, and stuff. It really bugged me. That some singer I thought had a good heart and liked for all that time, and had heard countless times on YouTube, could treat a fan like he did. Although I'll admit, my irrational recourse with things ain't healthy, though.

Social situations are difficult or tricky for me as well. I am diagnosed with ASD. I'm 22 years old & I have no social life I especially have a difficult time socializing with woman. I have a difficult time thinking of activities to do with woman & knowing what to say to a woman. I usually freeze up. I was a dweeb growing up. I feel I still am a dweeb at 22 years old

[Anonymous37919]

My sister uses Facebook to talk about her problems to do with her custody battle in court. It's not a good idea to broadcast personal matters about your children online, although I did talk about my own issues quite a lot myself on forums, so I can understand her reasons for needing to vent online.

My opinion about Facebook hasn't changed. It still sucks, and it always will. In fact, I got blocked by a woman on Facebook a few weeks ago too. She produced a film I was in as an extra, then she went across to Australia this year. It's just a short film. Students cannot make these films become a reality unless they get financing from people like little old us. So they had a pledge thing on Indiegogo, which is like Kickstarter and GoFundMe where you get package deals depending on how much money you gift to the campaigners. You will get "perks" if you donate X amount of cash. I've seen some people having a brass neck and offering people a role as an extra if they donate £700 towards the production costs, when even donating £50 is bad enough. Trust me, you shouldn't consider doing that. Just go on Facebook and find out who is involved that way. They normally advertise for extras on Facebook anyway. The money side of it just goes towards helping the film get made. Although I suppose paying all that money guarantees you a part since you are essentially paying your way into the film, and spaces may be limited. Yet when I asked to be in something called The Gurney recently, I was blocked. Despite being a short film, they had cast established actors in it, and I guess I just wasn't in their league, yet I only wanted to be a bloody extra. They probably saw my YouTube videos linked at StarNow and deemed me as a retard, because you can tell I'm "special" right away.

Anyway, I messaged this person on Facebook just to ask about that other film's status, as it has been more than 6 months since my sister and I went to the shoot. So I wasn't being rude. She replied once, then blocked me. So I made another profile and confronted her. She just gave me a load of guff about the movie having to go through festivals first and it's at the discretion of the director when it is made available to the public, whom she says she contacted on my behalf, yet my perk indicated I was meant to get a copy. Well, I can see her point, but maybe she should have just politely explained all that at the start instead of blocking my profile, and she could have simply said she does not want contacted on Facebook from non friends, so I'd have known not to message her anymore. The whole argument could have been avoided.

Some people are just flat out rude. I'm not a mind reader. She said it was her "private account" I was contacting, like I even should know or give a damn about her Facebook posts anyway. They always play the, "I don't know you..." card, because they're ignorant.

Then you get morons adding you as a friend, messaging you a few times being nice, so you think this will lead somewhere positive, then abruptly deleting you. Women just enjoy getting your attention because they love to play silly games. Half of them are probably screwballs anyway. If it looks hot, don't touch it. But the best scams are from the most fly of characters.