[PrairieCat]

Since I realized that I am and have always been a high functioning autistic at age 75, I have been fearful of everything. This is very recent. I was never scared of anything before. I think that I am afraid of making a mistake in whatever I do. I don't know why because I already have gotten through most of my lifetime and I am still here. I have even beaten cancer - for the moment, anyway.

What has probably contributed to this is the fact that I had cancer and during my treatment a next door neighbor who is very mentally ill, a lunatic, started harassing me. I did not know how to stop her and she scared me. She invaded my private space and really upset me terribly. I now know what to do to handle this. I must totally ignore her but if I can't, I should call the police. I can hardly bare to live next door to this monster. My cancer is now in remission and that surprised me because this problem with the neighbor upset me so much during treatment.

I also seem to have agoraphobia. It is more difficult to get out now. Once I do, I seem to be okay. I have to get out to get groceries and go to any appointments I make.

I want to get a counselor because I really need emotional support. However, I must go back to a clinic that misdiagnosed me years ago for a very long time. There were many inept professionals there, doctor, nurse practitioner, case mgr. and counselors. I have not been able to find a good counselor and this clinic seems to be a good idea for me to try right now - but it scares me. What if it doesn't work? I have not been able to find help anywhere else and I have really tried. I can hardly believe I am considering going back to this clinic - but I have nothing to lose and I might find a decent counselor who can help me.

Everything 'seems to be' something and everything scares me. Life seems much more complicated. I have nobody to talk to and I think I really need a good counselor. if I can't get one whom I feel good about, all I have to do is leave the stupid clinic. Right now, there seems to be no other option except this clinic which is nearby.

If anyone has any advice or encouragement, I would really appreciate it.

I am almost paralyzed right now. Afraid to do anything. Sleeping and resting a lot. I am too fearful of life now. How can I be when I've had autism my entire life? I was scared by a very creepy, scary, big ugly neighbor. It is my fault she came after me. I inadvertently made her angry at me and it is nothing I've ever experienced in my entire lifetime. I felt she would kill me if she could. I hope this has stopped for good now but I do not know if it has. It is because I don't completely understand how to communicate with people properly sometimes. Please help if you can.