I think Im autistic.

Hi. So, my whole life it was very hard for me to make friends, because I was just really awkward and didn't know how to act around my peers. I also have a tendency to get overwhelmed in social situations, where my brain basically shuts down and I can't get more than a word or two out when asked something, because my brain won't let me for some reason, but the intense overwhelming feeling only started in middle school not that long ago. I only began to realize I was socially awkward about six months ago when my dad's gf pointed it out to me. I had been staying with her mother for a few days while they were away, and when she got back she was told by her mother that I had been acting very awkward to the point it was a little rude. My dad's gf also mentioned that I sometimes didn't respond when her daughter (who I don't know very well) says hello and that that was rude. The truth is, I have a hard time with being aware of how Im presenting myself socially. I don't know how to act appropriately, and cannot maintain eye contact. I have trouble expressing emotion, and often stare blankly when talking to people I don't know or know well.
As for other traits of autism, like stimming for example, I do like to rub my fingers together and flick them, and when I am completely alone, I like to clap loudly or move my arms up and down and shake my hands out violently, or spin around. I also have a sensitivity to loud sounds, and will often ask my parents to turn down the tv, even if it's fine for them.
I have taken a test online. I got a score of 38, and for a high likelihood of autism it needed to be a score of at least 34, so I think that's another indcator.

You might be correct in your analysis, and some people pursue a professional diagnosis for confirmation. Personally, and at least partly because getting a diagnosis as an adult can be difficult, I came to my own conclusion related to the autism spectrum as an Aspie (Asperger Syndrome) by looking at lists of symptoms experienced by others and by comparing similarities at WrongPlanet.net.

I think this post is your first step to wanting to understand these things you describe. That's excellent. Let's say you are autistic, it's really your choice whether to seek a diagnosis or not. There are many people who believe everyone around you should indulge all of these things. If this happens, it weakens you. The thinking around this is "just accept all his abnormalities because he can't help it" means you are being abandoned and will get no help. Some of the things you experience are difficult or impossible to change, others may be easier to change, but that doesn't mean we, us, the greater community, should give up on you.

There's something called mindfulness and there are people who will tell you autistic people can't do mindfulness. Well I'm pretty sure autistic people have minds, and that's all it takes to do mindfulness, having a mind. Mindfulness is a form of behaviour modification. So a person looks at each behaviour that is causing them concern, as it happens, and re-directs their behaviour.

Example:

A person who has to measure to ensure all of their furniture is exactly three inches from the wall might pause with the ruler in their hand and say to themselves "is anything horrible going to happen to me if my furniture is not exactly three inches from the wall?" The answer for everyone is 100% no. Albeit something bad might happen in your mind, but that's not real. Once that person points out to their brain, through mindfulness, that their behaviour is unnecessary, they have the power to stop that behaviour.

Another important point, those who claim you have to accept the odd behaviours of autistic people as "they can't change those behaviours" are disempowering you from improving your life. If you believe you can't change anything about your behaviour that belief alone will stop you from changing your behaviour and thus improving your life. You can't do more than you believe you can do. So please don't allow that false belief into your thinking. People with autistic behaviours have been successful at altering some of those behaviours. Some people have been successful at altering all of those behaviours. So please don't indulge the ones who subscribe to the idea that we should all just accept autistic behaviour and give up on those people.

Hi. So, adding on to the original post. The more i think about it, the more I realize the autistic behaviors I have. I used to talk to myself, loudly, in front of the other kids on the playground in elementary school, up until 5th grade, but as I got into 6 grade and moved to a new school Igrew out of thst, although I still talk to myself in private, a lot. A lot of times, I can say something rude or odd in a conversation to someone else and won't realize it was rude until my parents say it was rude, even if I don't understandhow it's rude. Though I have toned down quitea bit because I've gotten shy, Iused to mindlessly do very awkward and socially unacceptable things in public, although now my parents letme know if I've done something rude. The things my parents tell me are rude are not smiling back at someone, staring, not responding (or giving very short responses), or not socializing at all when we have guests over (I'd really just prefer to keep to myself) I wasn't aware of any of these until this last year when my parents pointedit out to me.

I think it's empowering to know these things, so I'm happy you have some feedback with this from them. The next part is deciding if you want to change those things. No one can tell you you have to do this. It's entirely up to you. And if you do try to change those things for someone else, it won't work. All change comes from you, or not. One thing you should know though is: if you do want to change some of those things, it can be done.

The autistic behaviors have never bothered me because I never knew they were unusual, but now that I do, I want to be more aware of those things. I don't want to be fired for saying something rude or not responding to my boss when I get older.

My son had many behaviours that indicated autism, but we never had him diagnosed. He had few friends, couldn't even order food in a restaurant until he was fifteen (he would whisper his order in my ear), and he couldn't keep a job. That was then, this is now and it's completely different. He overcame almost all of the behaviours that made his life more difficult. He's the most stubborn person I've ever met, so he did this on his own, refusing therapy. So, he did mindfulness. Mindfulness benefits everyone, not just people with disorders. It's about thinking about your thinking when you are "in the moment." It's about assessing your feelings, thoughts and behaviours, before you act on them. It's tricky, but doable.

My husband can get all anxious over throwing out a shoe box. Not meaning to mock him, but...it's a shoe box. So I say to him "is anything horrible going to happen to you if you throw out that box." He ponders, then says "well, no." Then I say, "then it's probably okay to throw it out." This is me doing his mindfulness for him. Then he throws out the box. His brain someone tells him "it's wrong" to throw out the box. Most people would simply throw it out or not, he has to consult me, in case there's a dire need for a shoe box in our future. And he dug it out of the recycle bin to begin with. So people can and do have these irrational thoughts that bring them unwarranted concern.

Mindfulness is very helpful, especially to people who have OCD and anxiety.

Also, I don't know if genetics play a role, but I know my grandpa has aspergers

HI, Bookworm257 -- it sounds like you have aspergers rather than full blown autism. Like with everything, there is a spectrum and by the sounds of it, you seem to be ''high functioning'' which is in aspergers territory. I have aspergers, too and have had wonderful friendships with other aspies and to be honest the only significance in knowing that we had aspergers was getting the right support in school. For instance, teachers understood that we're not being rude; it's our aspergers!!

I would recommend you do what you can in getting a formal diagnosis because this will 100% benefit you when you get a job -- your employer and co-workers will know and hopefully understand why you are the way you are. You're not being rude, you have aspergers and that's okay. I'm not sure what the rules are like in your country in terms of what help you can get regarding your day-to-day business but in the UK there are social and support groups where everyone is dealing with the same thing as you. If you do have aspergers, it's nothing to worry about Your dads gf shouldn't worry either.

Also, what I believe to be a great benefit to people with autism/aspergers is this ''card'' you are provided with (if you want one, not everyone does because it feels demoralizing adding emphasis on their disability). Basically, in awkward situations like purchasing a train or bus ticket or at an appointment, you can show them the card which says you have this.... It may sound silly but for some people who really do struggle with autism and socialising it helps. This is in the UK, though so IDK what it's like where you are