[Anonymous37919]

Not too long ago, I got all this garbage sent to me about a date for court, because I cannot do this crummy unpaid work they sentenced me to in February, and I feel I cannot be around too many people over having anxiety. And they say in it somewhere that 'it was thought' in 2007 that I have a pervasive development disorder, so I don't have autism, or whatever they are calling what I have. Regardless, I feel like I need support from people (but support I can trust) and they ain't providing it, so I run in circles now, and I say the same things to my mother all of the time when I call her up, because it's true. I've tried, though. I have.

[Shazerac]

I think you might be jumping to conclusions here. Legal documents are always vague. Since the court is not a psych doc they would probably say “it was thought” instead of “he has” a disorder. Generally a court system is not the place to look for support.

[Anonymous37919]

Well, I don't have a scanner and a printer just now, but that information is kind of personal anyway. However, there was a bit jotted down on it about an 'adult protection case conference' from 2007 (because I did something). I'm not sure if that referred to myself because of my PDD-NOS diagnosis, or those working with me, but I get the impression that they're maybe now branding me as being unsafe because of my issues in the past, due to the various people that I upset who reported me to the police. The rest of it concerned attending my unpaid work induction, and how I missed seeing this guy once or twice because he requested that I get some evidence about why I'm unsuitable for going through with the sentence. It is dumb though, when I feel I need actual support, and then they give me the wrong sort of support workers, or they give me people that don't act like they want to further my cause. Because I did have a helper over a year ago, who didn't even like going for a walk. So if I'm ending up with lousy support personnel, why have support at all? But, yeah. That was all this guy from social services could obtain for me in like 2 and a half long years.

I feel that (in some situations) I'm treated very unfairly by people, partly due to my own open nature. I've also been betrayed by all kinds of people, so it's not surprising that I don't trust social workers. And online, people don't act like they do in real life either, so on other forums where I talk about being stalked or abused for 18 years, they just don't care about my legitimate complaints. For example, I've admitted to people before that I've had an insufferable existence and that I've been in trouble, or people keep harassing me on purpose, and then they all assume I did something bad to merit how they reacted, so I feel like a black sheep when nobody is listening. Now I've even got people going online and telling others not to let me be an extra in their upcoming films, because I said something to someone once out of temper years ago, and now all these related film crew suddenly know me as being "bad news" in their community, when I've never even met them in person. As sad as that is, you do get people who like to see me lose out on getting small parts in films that I'm sure will go nowhere anyway, but more power to them just the same. I'm actually thinking of hiring a reputable director to make me a feature film, that I'll pay every penny to produce and star in myself. That way, I don't have to worry about being blackballed by spiteful jerks, or having my speaking parts cut amid dubious excuses, or people stalking me online in other ways. I'll also hopefully be able to find my place as an actor, because just being an extra in films won't gain one bigger roles, unless you get very friendly with those in charge, but that's rare.

I still go on a lot of other forums to talk about certain video games, but we're all connected now, and my private information has already been exposed many times already, to the point where trying to conceal stuff wouldn't make a dent at this rate. Yet I often wonder why I still use online services, as I know that a lot of forums to do with entertainment seem kind of dead these days. Even though I know it's just a digital life and it shouldn't really matter or affect anybody what is happening in an online environment, it still sucks to see once great forums go downhill because things have apparently moved on. Or maybe it's just an age thing with people as well, because we have matured so much and trends die off. But I feel like a huge, friendless nerd, who deserves better than this. You should never sell yourself short, but sometimes I wonder what the point is in trying to impress people any more when I keep hitting a brick wall. There's people out there like trolls, former support workers, ex-girlfriends, film producers and judges that clearly don't want me to have success.

[-jimi-]

Pervasive development disorder = autism spectrum.

[Anonymous37919]

They are making me do 120 hours of community service, although I have anxiety and I don't think I can go through with much of it. Somebody is trying to find me a befriending buddy, but a guy, because it's not a good idea for me to work with women again. Although it's hard to avoid women, at least in some situations. You just have to treat it as plaintive.