Wondering If I Might be on the Asperger's Spectrum as a Woman

I found articles (and tests) that seemed to confirm I could very well be on part of the Asperger's Spectrum, listing all the checkboxes, for what that means for a woman. It's true that you really only see things related to, and about men when speaking about Asperger's. I recently became aware that women have become excellent at hiding it and integrating in a way that men have not so much. This led me to wonder if I might be one of them. I have been trying to figure out for years why I have always thought of myself as an "alien".

Hello kimberlym: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. I can't comment with regard to your concern. But hopefully there will be other members who will. One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Women-Focused Support forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/women-focused-support/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Thank you for your feedback Skeezyks. I actually already saved several links I had seen you post for someone else. I thought this might be a wonderful place to find some insight.

I am a woman who was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 49 (seven years ago). I started reading every book I could find about Asperger's and found The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Atwood to be very helpful. You can buy it on Amazon.

It described Asperger's very thoroughly and often explained how things might be different for girls and women.

I've found some books on related topics to be very helpful also. Please let me know if you'd like that information.

I'll be happy to help you out if you have any questions that you think I might be able to answer.

I appreciate your feedback @catnip123. I am 52 now, and never considered that my strangeness could have been related to autism until this very past year. It's relevant to me that we are not so far apart in age. When I was a child, no one ever sought treatment for psychological things. It just wasn't done. I haven't read any books on it, just yet, but I have seen several that I would like to. And thank-you, for your input on that as well. All my research has been limited to internet information so far, Ted Talks, YouTube, and really anything I could locate, blogs and whatnot. I never thought about autism, for myself until now, because every profile I had ever seen had been for men, and I gather their experiences are much different than for women, and where women attempt to assimilate into society by being chameleons, especially for high-functioning autism, if what I'm researching is correct.

My sister is 27 and was diagnosed with Aspergers when she was 3-before it was a thing. Now it all falls under Autism spectrum disorder. I may need to read up on it more but she was always a little "boy crazy" bouncing from BF to BF. I hesitate to link this to the disorder though because I do not want to generalize something in too much of a subjective way.

I appreciate your feedback sarahsweets. Any intimate relationships have been a challenge for me, whether they were women friends or male boyfriends/one husband. I'm too old now to consider "boy-crazy", in the scheme of things. I have been in a committed relationship for the last 9 years of my life. The interesting thing is that person also has a mental health diagnosis, my partner. And we seem to just "get" each other. We have never legally married. I was done after my one and only divorce in 1996 to an alcoholic and physically abusive man. When I was younger, it was very difficult to maintain any personal relationships with friends or partners. I don't have any close friends at all. In my history, many people have attempted to take advantage of my kindness, and I eventually learned how to stand up for myself and let toxic relationships go. But that took a really long time for me as a 52-year old person now.

That has nothing to do with autism.

What's the basis of this claim? While boys on the spectrum may have a hard time finding girlfriends, for girls it may be just opposite because of a lack of proper boundaries, being taken advantage of, and relationships not working out. Aside, reading other posts, sarahsweet's sister was on medication lessening social anxiety.

I'd suggest to see a doctor and get a proper diagnosis, kimberlym. That way you'll be able to get the help you need and deserve. I'm sorry you're struggling with this, I hope things will get better for you soon. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

I so appreciate your feedback @ MickeyCheeky. I fully intend to seek a diagnosis. I just haven't been financially able to look into any type of medical treatment, physical or otherwise, in the past 3 years, and didn't even consider that autism might be a possibility for me, until this past year. I was a 49 year old losing the only job she had known for the previous 17 years prior due to an employer shutting down, then deciding to go back to school to further education, accomplishing a degree I had never had, working an internship, and now looking for a new job again. I've been without resources for a while, but I fully intend to pursue them when I'm back in the position to do so, meaning I need employer-paid benefits again to seek medical coverage. But I will look into this from a professional point of view, as soon as I am able.

I think I fall somewhere on the Aspergers side as well. I told 2 doctors this in the past as an adult and they don't see how I could have Aspergers since I appear "normal" enough to them. Thing is though I was diagnosed as a child.

So yeah, I wouldn't count on getting a doctor's help on this matter. If you truly think you have Aspergers, then reading books and learning as much as possible about yourself is what I would recommend. Only you have the knowledge about yourself to know what you are and what you should do. Nobody knows you better than yourself.


Mental health diagnosis shouldn't define you, nor should it matter if you are something that society considers "weird" or "different". You are you and nobody has the right to judge or condemn you for being what you are.

I so thank-you for your feedback @ DarknessIsMyFriend. Thinking I might be a high-functioning autistic person is such a new concept for me. I'm really at the beginning of the whole concept. But I have been reading and watching everything I can to make things clear for me. Things just weren't addressed psychologically by doctors when I was still a child. I was taken every single time there was a physical ailment (and I had a lot of them. Tubes in my ears for chronic ear infections, which has left me with a hearing impairment as an adult. My tonsils were removed when I was 5 years old-ish. Then I had a bladder surgery at a really young age. And my parents agonized over the physical things that were wrong with me), but my mannerisms weren't that strange, not strange enough for parents that are attempting to discover why their child might be acting out. My parents were having marital difficulties of their own and were separated before I was 4 years old, so their focus was skewed also. I know now that some of the mannerisms I did have could have been considered autistic traits now, by researching things in this day and age, but no one ever thought twice about it when I was so young. Things were different when I was young. There were no seat belts. Kids played outside and no one ever had to consider their safety. We didn't live in the immediate circle of our parents' attention. I was always off on my own, playing. No one was standing watch over me.

I haven't really worried about how people or society "define" me. I just feel like I have tried really hard to "blend" in, and I've always wondered why. It was never really a prevalent thought for me until recently, because I started to worry about saying the wrong thing while trying to look for a new job, or when jokes and sarcasm fly over my head, people tend to look at me as if I'm "ditsy", and I know I have said the wrong thing (I get strange looks very often), but given the fact that I received a degree and graduated with honors, just this past year, I know I'm not an idiot. I take things very literally, and it's just often hard to fit into the rest of our society. I tend to isolate myself, and not be among others, unless I absolutely have to. And lately, I have to. I'm searching for a new job, and it has been so tough doing interviews. I feel like I'm "performing" at every one of them, trying to appear more social than what I actually am. Trying to say the right thing. Trying not to say too much. I have a tendency to overthink, and to give people too much information too. I have had to learn to read body language and speech inflections from others, and when it seems like I have made a mistake, I shut down and shut up.

Oh man this sentence rings so true for me on so many levels.

I still have this problem in high pressure social situations like job interviews. I simply don't know what to say and when, don't know when to make eye contact and when not to, don't know how to sit, what kind of facial expressions to make, or when and how to shake hands. The only way I can even function in a job interview is if I take a lot of time in advance to "plan" and practice how I'm going to say things and when and researching what kind of questions are typically asked in interviews at that company so I can plan accordingly. If they through an oddball question at me that I'm unprepared to answer, I flat out freeze up and panic. Thing is I am really good with computers and tech so I would be qualified for a good paying job in the IT field, if it wasn't for my garbage job interviewing skills.


I'm also very socially awkward. Think of your average 90s computer geek, that's me in a nutshell. I have learned, mainly through difficult practice, how to connect with people on a personal level. I can make friends to some extent now, particularly among people who are geeks, gamers, and other weirdos like me. I can also be very entertaining around people that I know. I can't approach strangers that I have no prior knowledge about without sounding like a socially inept weirdo. This is especially true for attractive women because I flat out get nervous around them the same way like I get nervous in job interviews.

This rocks Darkness thanks for sharing it! To go off of this helpful and encouraging part of the response we all have our own quirks and eccentricities as well as our own collection of personal characteristics that make us unique. If it wasn't for these differences the world would be a pretty boring place!

To the OP though, before getting a diagnosis of any sorts it is best to research each one through books, forums like these, or support groups related to specific conditions before going to your GP or psychiatrist/psychologist in hopes to determine the condition that best matches your symptoms. In a similar manner to what I said in my first point, it is best to apply those medical labels (either describing yourself or what your doc diagnoses) with a bit of discernment because it is easy to fall into the trap of using a condition as a universal explanation for any shortcomings or subtle differences in personalities which are common in some degree or another in the general population.

Hope this helps!

Good speech, DarknessIsMyFriend! Thank you so much for your post. Sending many hugs to you

For an autism diagnosis you need to have had symptoms before the age of three. Did you participate in pretend play, did you stim, or did you have other quirks your parents might remember?

That's not true.

I'm not saying one can only get diagnosed with autism until the age of 3. Symptoms are often overlooked and some parents just can't accept something may be wrong with their precious bundles. But for it to be autism, there would have been symptoms by the age of 3, even if no one noticed.

For an autism diagnosis it's therefore very helpful to have some early evidence, such as a parent remembering quirks, absence of pretend play, or maybe even film and photographic evidence.

When do children usually show symptoms of autism? | NICHD - Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development

"Many children show symptoms of autism by 12 months to 18 months of age or earlier."

PsychoPill is right. You are born with autism; it isn't something you develop. Symptoms are evident in early childhood, including in infancy. It's also a complex disorder (if you want to call it a "disorder")--simply having social issues doesn't make you autistic. This is a common misunderstanding. If you really want to find out if you're autistic or not, see a behavior analyst who specializes in autism diagnoses. It's a lengthy process; it takes weeks. It's easy to self-diagnose via books and online questionnaires, etc., but you need a professional to actually make a correct diagnosis.