Always wondered if I am autistic

Hello, all. I just needed to let this off my chest because this problem has been clawing at me for far too long and I need to just talk it out.

To be frank, for years I've always been speculating if I am autistic, and watching home videos of myself added to this suspicion (I can explain further in future posts if anyone is curious, and I'll try my best to talk about them). Factors such as my depression, social anxiety, my inability to understand how to socialize adequately like others, and failing to maintain decent relations with friends & family have jeopardized the way I live my life. Going to my therapists for general anxiety fixes aren't working, so I guess bringing this up could give potential answers. One of them actually assumed if I was ever diagnosed with autism because I mentioned I experience spontaneous bursts of crying/anger and even hurting myself in these fits (ex. hitting).

I honestly am not sure I am autistic 100%, to be fair, cause this is just a strong hunch. All I know about autism in my family is that my dad's sister's son is autistic on the low end. However, I don't truly know if it's because it's been genetically passed down my family tree or if it came from her husband. I researched passing down autism as best as I could, I could be missing info.

I just want answers, that's all.

Felt like sharing this, but last year, I searched up if autistic people could be self-aware, and I was surprised to find that generally those who are high-functioning are. That was the time when I finally understood that autism is not as simple as it's believed to be and that it's a spectrum. I felt like sharing this b/c it was interesting.