[mattdadd]

I've always felt as if something was wrong with me. At 18 months old, I was registered for speech therapy because I stuttered, I couldn't pronounce many consonants (C, D, F, G, K, L, Q, R, S, T, V, X, Z), and I barely knew any words. Basically, my speech was delayed. I had to stay in speech therapy until I was 12, and even then, I still struggled with the letter S and my stutter.
By the time I was ten, I had my first major depressive episode. It was severe and lasted for three years. After that, it became PDD with a few MDD episodes (aka double depression).
I was always shy, but at 11, it became social anxiety. This later led to panic attacks at age 14. With therapy, I worked through it at 17.

But this is when everything changed.
When I was 14, someone told me I might be autistic after I shared my sensory issues with them. At the time, the term 'autistic' was being used as an insult, and that was all I knew about it. I had no idea what autism was. That day, I decided to take an online screening test; however, despite getting a high result, I convinced myself I couldn't possibly be autistic.
Every once in a while, the possibility that I might be autistic would cross my mind, and I would take the test again. And each time, I ignored what the resuts told me. That was until COVID happened.
I took another test, but this time, I considered it without any bias. From there, I did months of research. And finally, I came to the conclusion that I was indeed autistic (as well as ADHD-PI, surprisingly).

Everything suddenly made sense. All (okay, not all, but a lot) of my struggles had an answer. I didn't just suddenly develop social anxiety out of nowhere. It stemmed from the rejection I experienced on a daily basis, because I didn't understand neurotypical communication. I wasn't the overly sensitive 'drama queen' my parents always called me (I actually made another post about this here). I was hypersensitive from SPD and experienced meltdowns. Even my depression, which I had been formally diagnosed with the year before, was caused by the burnout of masking. In fact, after realising I was autistic and allowing myself to unmask, I noticed a lot of my depressive symptoms went away. It's not gone entirely as far as I know, but it is extremely mild. On a scale out of ten, most days are at a five.

Overall, I finally feel understood. Not just by myself, but by others as well. I have found a community I relate to and who relates to me. I no longer feel so alone.

[RoxanneToto]

Good for you! Having a diagnosis for anything really can make a difference.
I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome at 17 - finding that out (albeit 10 years afterwards) made a lot of things finally make sense and felt like a relief. To be honest I hadn’t actually heard of autism until then, either.

[karl7]

im glad things are working out for you mattdadd.

[avlady]

I am happy for you it must have been rough on you mentally not knowing what was going on. good luck