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modestlychee6463
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Default May 04, 2021 at 08:22 PM
  #1
Part of me feels that by the time I would enjoy some social life, I might not have the health or energy to enjoy it. I don't know but this thought seemed to come to mind in the past year or two. I have found it hard to make a life outside of my immediate family.
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Default May 04, 2021 at 09:10 PM
  #2
Do you think the pandemic made things harder? Maybe it will get easier for you as the world gets back to being social?

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Default May 05, 2021 at 12:05 AM
  #3
Yes, it has made it a bit harder. I used to be able to socialize more only to find out that some I conversed with have hardly any time for me. It makes me kind of sad that more years could go on and only then would I see positive change.
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Default Jul 16, 2021 at 11:42 AM
  #4
I've got one thing to say. To hell with autism. Hope I leave this world before I get too old. I didn't ask for a long life. laughs. I'm ready to say goodbye. I don't give a **** with some normal people who mocked me. I have no real purpose for being around. You realize when the world doesn't want you. It never wanted me. That's why I'm telling you this. It never did.
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Default Jul 17, 2021 at 12:46 PM
  #5
My kid years were good for a while. It's just that I remember being scorned, discarded, and made fun of. Then I grew up and it seemed to get worse over time. My youth was marked with pain and loneliness. Part of me feel like I better hurry up and live before I get too old to enjoy the fun in life. You start to feel like age catches up with you sooner or later. It makes me mad that I seem to remember all the pain and the times when I felt stabbed in the back and I acted out quite a bit too. I remember little that I care to look back on. I"m already afraid I'd become a rather bitter old woman. It's not like I"ll be that young and agile again. It made me mad to think about mother dreaming about me reaching old age and I was like ick. I have hated that thought. What instantly comes to mind are health problems and not having the agility or even the energy for sports or an active social life. I felt like telling her to just buzz off, I don't want to hear it. I'm surprised some of my dreams have happened at all. Otherwise, I'd be a worse mess. Money can buy you things and help you among people, but it can't buy you back your youth and energy.
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Default Jul 17, 2021 at 01:03 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by modestlychee6463 View Post
Part of me feels that by the time I would enjoy some social life, I might not have the health or energy to enjoy it. I don't know but this thought seemed to come to mind in the past year or two. I have found it hard to make a life outside of my immediate family.

I thought you felt disrespected by your mother based on your posts. You said you were past your 30s but you didn’t live with your mother. Is this all correct?
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Default Jul 18, 2021 at 07:32 PM
  #7
I live with her. It's just that I have felt like my feelings don't seem to matter. I wonder why I bother to care.
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Default Jul 18, 2021 at 07:33 PM
  #8
I live with her for now.
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Default Jul 18, 2021 at 07:43 PM
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I live with her for now.

I could not live with my mother in my 40s. I barely speak to her.
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Default Jul 19, 2021 at 11:48 PM
  #10
Well, I don't always see eye to eye with her. It hasn't been easy to not have a female friend to come by to visit and do anything fun with me. Sure I have seen one of them greet me like once in a great while but it's not the same as having more regular talks and activities if you know what I mean. I guess that's what I expected more of in my younger years and I felt I didn't get enough of that. I was afraid I would feel rather bitter if I got that much older and not be able to move about as easily.
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Default Jul 20, 2021 at 02:33 AM
  #11
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Well, I don't always see eye to eye with her. It hasn't been easy to not have a female friend to come by to visit and do anything fun with me. Sure I have seen one of them greet me like once in a great while but it's not the same as having more regular talks and activities if you know what I mean. I guess that's what I expected more of in my younger years and I felt I didn't get enough of that. I was afraid I would feel rather bitter if I got that much older and not be able to move about as easily.

I don’t have that either. I have a daughter that lives with me , she’s 20. I moved out of my parents house when I was 18. As I said, I don’t talk to my mother today, she doesn’t talk to me. She’s narcissistic and makes every conversation about her. The hardest part is when other people assume positive intent simply because she is my mother. I’m learning to give neutral responses or none at all .
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Default Aug 24, 2021 at 12:46 AM
  #12
I still feel like I'm stuck in the adolescent stage.
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Default Sep 01, 2021 at 09:47 AM
  #13
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I still feel like I'm stuck in the adolescent stage.
I can imagine that is a normal reaction if you are living with your parent. Is there any way you could move out? Have you looked into this?
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Default Sep 01, 2021 at 10:44 AM
  #14
I still live with my mum and feel similarly to you (feel like I’m stuck as an adolescent, and my feelings don’t always matter to her either. She hasn’t always dismissed them, but has mocked me for being concerned about things in the past, and I never really know what reaction I’ll get if I feel upset etc). I’m saving for a house but at this rate, if I want independence I may have to just rent.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so down, modestlychee.
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Default Sep 01, 2021 at 10:41 PM
  #15
Thanks for your support, RoxanneToto. Do you sometimes feel like you're wasting your life away? Just asking.
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Default Sep 01, 2021 at 10:53 PM
  #16
Yes, I did look into it. I don't know anymore. I might move next year. The sad thing is, I felt good in this place for so long because of so much outdoor space to enjoy and if I move, I probably won't have as much space at all. That would be hard.
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Default Sep 01, 2021 at 10:59 PM
  #17
I seem to have this problem with being able to drive which is common with autism and I have rather hidden problems with executive functioning and how to go about in being independent and communication. I had serious aphasia for at least half of my life. That's why I had to go for assistance in this area.
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Default Sep 02, 2021 at 12:53 AM
  #18
I do indeed feel like life is passing me by, I’m trying to combat it but I’m very slow at getting my plans into action. I need a new job, for a start. I think I know what I want to do now, at least, it’s just a case of making some enquiries and hoping I get somewhere.
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Default Sep 02, 2021 at 02:12 PM
  #19
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Yes, I did look into it. I don't know anymore. I might move next year. The sad thing is, I felt good in this place for so long because of so much outdoor space to enjoy and if I move, I probably won't have as much space at all. That would be hard.
I lived with my parents off and on from 18-32. At 32, I left for good and I was glad I did. I can relate to the "open space" part because I liked living in my parents' house. It had some open space and it would always be quiet at night because there were no people close by. I really miss that. For almost 35 years of my life I have lived in condos and apartments. Right now I am sick of apartments l and want to live in a small house at a rural area.
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Default Sep 28, 2021 at 03:42 PM
  #20
I feel stuck in this vicious cycle of regret, self-pity, and others' pity too. I'm trying to get off that awful seemingly neverending cycle.
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