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Old 05-04-2021, 08:22 PM   #1
modestlychee6463
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Default feeling rather gloomy

Part of me feels that by the time I would enjoy some social life, I might not have the health or energy to enjoy it. I don't know but this thought seemed to come to mind in the past year or two. I have found it hard to make a life outside of my immediate family.
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Old 05-04-2021, 09:10 PM   #2
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Do you think the pandemic made things harder? Maybe it will get easier for you as the world gets back to being social?
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Old 05-05-2021, 12:05 AM   #3
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

Yes, it has made it a bit harder. I used to be able to socialize more only to find out that some I conversed with have hardly any time for me. It makes me kind of sad that more years could go on and only then would I see positive change.
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Old 07-16-2021, 11:42 AM   #4
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

I've got one thing to say. To hell with autism. Hope I leave this world before I get too old. I didn't ask for a long life. laughs. I'm ready to say goodbye. I don't give a **** with some normal people who mocked me. I have no real purpose for being around. You realize when the world doesn't want you. It never wanted me. That's why I'm telling you this. It never did.
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Old 07-17-2021, 12:46 PM   #5
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

My kid years were good for a while. It's just that I remember being scorned, discarded, and made fun of. Then I grew up and it seemed to get worse over time. My youth was marked with pain and loneliness. Part of me feel like I better hurry up and live before I get too old to enjoy the fun in life. You start to feel like age catches up with you sooner or later. It makes me mad that I seem to remember all the pain and the times when I felt stabbed in the back and I acted out quite a bit too. I remember little that I care to look back on. I"m already afraid I'd become a rather bitter old woman. It's not like I"ll be that young and agile again. It made me mad to think about mother dreaming about me reaching old age and I was like ick. I have hated that thought. What instantly comes to mind are health problems and not having the agility or even the energy for sports or an active social life. I felt like telling her to just buzz off, I don't want to hear it. I'm surprised some of my dreams have happened at all. Otherwise, I'd be a worse mess. Money can buy you things and help you among people, but it can't buy you back your youth and energy.
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Old 07-17-2021, 01:03 PM   #6
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

Quote:
Originally Posted by modestlychee6463 View Post
Part of me feels that by the time I would enjoy some social life, I might not have the health or energy to enjoy it. I don't know but this thought seemed to come to mind in the past year or two. I have found it hard to make a life outside of my immediate family.

I thought you felt disrespected by your mother based on your posts. You said you were past your 30s but you didnít live with your mother. Is this all correct?
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Old 07-18-2021, 07:32 PM   #7
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

I live with her. It's just that I have felt like my feelings don't seem to matter. I wonder why I bother to care.
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Old 07-18-2021, 07:33 PM   #8
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

I live with her for now.
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Old 07-18-2021, 07:43 PM   #9
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Quote:
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I live with her for now.

I could not live with my mother in my 40s. I barely speak to her.
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Old 07-19-2021, 11:48 PM   #10
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

Well, I don't always see eye to eye with her. It hasn't been easy to not have a female friend to come by to visit and do anything fun with me. Sure I have seen one of them greet me like once in a great while but it's not the same as having more regular talks and activities if you know what I mean. I guess that's what I expected more of in my younger years and I felt I didn't get enough of that. I was afraid I would feel rather bitter if I got that much older and not be able to move about as easily.
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Old 07-20-2021, 02:33 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by modestlychee6463 View Post
Well, I don't always see eye to eye with her. It hasn't been easy to not have a female friend to come by to visit and do anything fun with me. Sure I have seen one of them greet me like once in a great while but it's not the same as having more regular talks and activities if you know what I mean. I guess that's what I expected more of in my younger years and I felt I didn't get enough of that. I was afraid I would feel rather bitter if I got that much older and not be able to move about as easily.

I donít have that either. I have a daughter that lives with me , sheís 20. I moved out of my parents house when I was 18. As I said, I donít talk to my mother today, she doesnít talk to me. Sheís narcissistic and makes every conversation about her. The hardest part is when other people assume positive intent simply because she is my mother. Iím learning to give neutral responses or none at all .
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