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Old 05-04-2021, 08:22 PM   #1
modestlychee6463
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Default feeling rather gloomy

Part of me feels that by the time I would enjoy some social life, I might not have the health or energy to enjoy it. I don't know but this thought seemed to come to mind in the past year or two. I have found it hard to make a life outside of my immediate family.
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Old 05-04-2021, 09:10 PM   #2
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

Do you think the pandemic made things harder? Maybe it will get easier for you as the world gets back to being social?
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Old 05-05-2021, 12:05 AM   #3
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

Yes, it has made it a bit harder. I used to be able to socialize more only to find out that some I conversed with have hardly any time for me. It makes me kind of sad that more years could go on and only then would I see positive change.
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Old 07-16-2021, 11:42 AM   #4
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

I've got one thing to say. To hell with autism. Hope I leave this world before I get too old. I didn't ask for a long life. laughs. I'm ready to say goodbye. I don't give a **** with some normal people who mocked me. I have no real purpose for being around. You realize when the world doesn't want you. It never wanted me. That's why I'm telling you this. It never did.
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Old 07-17-2021, 12:46 PM   #5
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

My kid years were good for a while. It's just that I remember being scorned, discarded, and made fun of. Then I grew up and it seemed to get worse over time. My youth was marked with pain and loneliness. Part of me feel like I better hurry up and live before I get too old to enjoy the fun in life. You start to feel like age catches up with you sooner or later. It makes me mad that I seem to remember all the pain and the times when I felt stabbed in the back and I acted out quite a bit too. I remember little that I care to look back on. I"m already afraid I'd become a rather bitter old woman. It's not like I"ll be that young and agile again. It made me mad to think about mother dreaming about me reaching old age and I was like ick. I have hated that thought. What instantly comes to mind are health problems and not having the agility or even the energy for sports or an active social life. I felt like telling her to just buzz off, I don't want to hear it. I'm surprised some of my dreams have happened at all. Otherwise, I'd be a worse mess. Money can buy you things and help you among people, but it can't buy you back your youth and energy.
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Old 07-17-2021, 01:03 PM   #6
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

Quote:
Originally Posted by modestlychee6463 View Post
Part of me feels that by the time I would enjoy some social life, I might not have the health or energy to enjoy it. I don't know but this thought seemed to come to mind in the past year or two. I have found it hard to make a life outside of my immediate family.

I thought you felt disrespected by your mother based on your posts. You said you were past your 30s but you didnít live with your mother. Is this all correct?
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Old 07-18-2021, 07:32 PM   #7
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

I live with her. It's just that I have felt like my feelings don't seem to matter. I wonder why I bother to care.
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Old 07-18-2021, 07:33 PM   #8
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

I live with her for now.
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Old 07-18-2021, 07:43 PM   #9
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I live with her for now.

I could not live with my mother in my 40s. I barely speak to her.
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Old 07-19-2021, 11:48 PM   #10
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

Well, I don't always see eye to eye with her. It hasn't been easy to not have a female friend to come by to visit and do anything fun with me. Sure I have seen one of them greet me like once in a great while but it's not the same as having more regular talks and activities if you know what I mean. I guess that's what I expected more of in my younger years and I felt I didn't get enough of that. I was afraid I would feel rather bitter if I got that much older and not be able to move about as easily.
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Old 07-20-2021, 02:33 AM   #11
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

Quote:
Originally Posted by modestlychee6463 View Post
Well, I don't always see eye to eye with her. It hasn't been easy to not have a female friend to come by to visit and do anything fun with me. Sure I have seen one of them greet me like once in a great while but it's not the same as having more regular talks and activities if you know what I mean. I guess that's what I expected more of in my younger years and I felt I didn't get enough of that. I was afraid I would feel rather bitter if I got that much older and not be able to move about as easily.

I donít have that either. I have a daughter that lives with me , sheís 20. I moved out of my parents house when I was 18. As I said, I donít talk to my mother today, she doesnít talk to me. Sheís narcissistic and makes every conversation about her. The hardest part is when other people assume positive intent simply because she is my mother. Iím learning to give neutral responses or none at all .
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Old 08-24-2021, 12:46 AM   #12
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

I still feel like I'm stuck in the adolescent stage.
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Old 09-01-2021, 09:47 AM   #13
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

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Originally Posted by modestlychee6463 View Post
I still feel like I'm stuck in the adolescent stage.
I can imagine that is a normal reaction if you are living with your parent. Is there any way you could move out? Have you looked into this?
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Old 09-01-2021, 10:44 AM   #14
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

I still live with my mum and feel similarly to you (feel like Iím stuck as an adolescent, and my feelings donít always matter to her either. She hasnít always dismissed them, but has mocked me for being concerned about things in the past, and I never really know what reaction Iíll get if I feel upset etc). Iím saving for a house but at this rate, if I want independence I may have to just rent.
Iím sorry youíre feeling so down, modestlychee.
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Old 09-01-2021, 10:41 PM   #15
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

Thanks for your support, RoxanneToto. Do you sometimes feel like you're wasting your life away? Just asking.
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Old 09-01-2021, 10:53 PM   #16
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

Yes, I did look into it. I don't know anymore. I might move next year. The sad thing is, I felt good in this place for so long because of so much outdoor space to enjoy and if I move, I probably won't have as much space at all. That would be hard.
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Old 09-01-2021, 10:59 PM   #17
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

I seem to have this problem with being able to drive which is common with autism and I have rather hidden problems with executive functioning and how to go about in being independent and communication. I had serious aphasia for at least half of my life. That's why I had to go for assistance in this area.
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Old 09-02-2021, 12:53 AM   #18
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Default Re: feeling rather gloomy

I do indeed feel like life is passing me by, Iím trying to combat it but Iím very slow at getting my plans into action. I need a new job, for a start. I think I know what I want to do now, at least, itís just a case of making some enquiries and hoping I get somewhere.
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Old 09-02-2021, 02:12 PM   #19
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Quote:
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Yes, I did look into it. I don't know anymore. I might move next year. The sad thing is, I felt good in this place for so long because of so much outdoor space to enjoy and if I move, I probably won't have as much space at all. That would be hard.
I lived with my parents off and on from 18-32. At 32, I left for good and I was glad I did. I can relate to the "open space" part because I liked living in my parents' house. It had some open space and it would always be quiet at night because there were no people close by. I really miss that. For almost 35 years of my life I have lived in condos and apartments. Right now I am sick of apartments l and want to live in a small house at a rural area.
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