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Member
Member Since May 2013
Posts: 299
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#1
So if you don’t know what it is within the community, it’s basically where you try to hide parts of the ASD you have. Example: Eye contact is so difficult for me since it clouds my mind and I can’t properly think but for NTs eye contact is crucial, so in social situations, I mask that part and maintain eye contact. Before, it would be too much eye contact and intense but from random research I found you should look away every 6 seconds so that’s what I do.
What I wanna know, is what parts do you mask? Have you tried it? Do you feel like you’re a good masker? Do you experience side effects when you try to hide parts of your ASD/mask it like depression or wanting more social isolation? My masking abilities while I’m at work are spot on (I have 2 VERY demanding jobs at 2 different 5 star resorts… so no joke when it comes to customer service and my ability to mask) yet out of work I’m socially awkward or quirky as my mom would say. My ability to mask is like a switch but my mental health has deteriorated quickly (I believe due to my constant masking which is a common byproduct of doing too much masking). I also realise I’m somewhat robotic, like there are only so many social scenarios I’m equipped to handle and if I’m presented with one I’m unfamiliar or uncomfortable with I quickly shutdown and become shy or become awkward even more. Another side effect I’ve had from masking is not only wanting more isolation but it’s like my lack of eye contact is increasing when I’m not at work (maybe to compensate for all I must do at work). If you care to have some of my techniques (if not then no need to read further but for those who want some more techniques to add to their list continue reading) here they are: Eye contact is crucially, people relate lack of contact with distrust or deceit, while others relate it with hiding something. Too much eye contact is just as bad. So instead of looking at their eyes try looking at their imaginary unibrow, they won’t know you’re not looking at their eyes. But don’t forget to look at something random every 6-10 seconds (I counted at first but now it’s become second nature, but switch it up so it’s not repetitive). But don’t look away too long or they’ll think it’s rude and don’t look at a clock they’ll think you’re just trying to run away or leave. -People love to talk about themselves, so appear more concerned with asking how they are and what they’ve been up to. -We have specialty mirror neurons that automatically react when someone smiles at us so give a friendly smile to help disengage someone. Like if someone looks at you or is looking, give a gentle nod and small smile or something and usually they’ll smile right back Watch other people. I’m a huge people watcher maybe even try talking as if you’re talking to someone else and practice social scenarios like I do when no one can possibly hear me lol… I’m not pretending to be some expert of ASD/psychology/sociology but I’ve learned through trial and error and tons of research and my jobs have made me an expert in customer service issues at literally all levels since my company deals heavily with politicians, celebrities and athletes (cool story: I met floyd mayweather, saw Beyonce, Tyson Fury, and Brad Garrett all within the same 2 weeks at my job) __________________ Aspie |
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Breaking Dawn, Discombobulated, Jelzig65, RoxanneToto, SybilMarie
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Discombobulated, RoxanneToto, SybilMarie, Yaowen, zapatoes
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
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#2
Thank you so Much for Sharing your techniques! i haven't been diagnosed with asperger but i can relate to some of the things you wrote especially regarding social interaction! Looking into People's eyes is a bit hard to me as it does not come out naturally but when i remember to do it it is not as hard as i thought it would be i think! Hope things will Improve! Please do not give up! Hugs! That sounds like a pretty cool job i think! Please do try your best! Sorry for the spam! Stay Safe! Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @HelloWorld18, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Breaking Dawn, Discombobulated
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,202
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#3
I can only talk to about 3 people without freezing up. I can’t really hide anything so I just work around it. I can work a basic retail job but that’s it. I communicate at work when necessary but most of the time I just have to prove I’m a good worker by doing the job correctly. I communicate best in emails and I often contradict myself when talking to people. Not because I’m being a jerk or not listening to them but I just get legit confused when people ask me questions that I don’t fully understand. If they asked me it in writing I could think and read it multiple times and then tell them exactly what I want or need. People don’t do emails though. Like I’m vocal on this site but there’s no way I can say anything what I write on here in person.
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Breaking Dawn, Discombobulated
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Member
Member Since Dec 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 307
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#4
Quote:
What parts do I mask? My annoyance of having to be around other human beings for a useless purpose when I could be at home doing something far more productive. I frequently have to go to hubby's friends house to just sit and listen to them talk about their week and wait for food to get done. I hate this crap more than anything, so before I go, I have to dig out the mask. Used to be, if I got drunk, I could tolerate it, but I can't drink anymore due to liver issues so... I just try and stay quiet and listen to the other people talk. The entire time, I am telling myself don't yawn, don't fidget, leave phone alone, try and ask a question about whatever they're talking about so you don't seem bored. I don't know if I'm a good masker or not. I don't have any friends...so probably not. lol Yes, side effects like mental exhaustion and desired social isolation hit me hard during and after the event I'm forced to go to. |
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Discombobulated
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Member
Member Since Aug 2021
Location: in the sticks
Posts: 230
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#5
I have always felt I had to 'mask' and be someone I'm not really due to bullying.
But I was born in the late 60's when very little was known about autism in girls and/or selective mutism, so I was misdiagnosed as deaf. That kind of became part of my identity I was even moved to a deaf school as I struggled so much in a mainstream class of 32 enduring relentless bullying everyday I guess this kind of paved the way for others like me as there are some deaf schools that now have a unit for hearing children with language disorders (Autism, Auditory Processing Disorders, Aphasia etc) within them and they recognise how using sign language can help them understand and learn to use language themselves. When I eventually learned and understood that I in fact was not technically deaf as I'd been told for over 20 years by then I felt like I'd lost my whole identity and didn't know who to be any more! 'Deaf friends' rejected me acting as if I'd deliberately deceived them all those years, when I just hadn't understood or being properly able to explain my symptoms (due to the selective mutism too and being unable to speak 'in the moment' under pressure in medical appointments when you've got like 5 mins to explain everything to a doctor!) It ended up being yes/no questions from the specialist and given that I rarely understood them without them needing a signer present or writing things down, they continued to tell me this meant I was deaf! ..and they're the experts after all...what do I know? ...eventually when I got connected to the internet at home and started to learn how to do my own research I discovered Auditory processing Disorders and the link to Autism. But this revelation greatly affected my ability to mask in front of everyone I by then understood knew me as 'a deaf person'. As I've got older its got harder and harder as I get severe chronic fatigue now too so just don't have the energy to deal with any situation where I feel I'd have to mask. |
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Discombobulated, modestlychee6463
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Discombobulated
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2021
Location: MA: Stanberry, Missouri
Posts: 513
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#6
I did a lot of masking over the years because it was apparent that I made others laugh at me or worse yet, hostile like what I did wasn't accepted. It's just those bad memories of feeling treated like I should change and conform to 'normal' standards and being made fun of for how I came across is what hurt me the most. Sometimes an innocent conversation or just seeing someone turned ugly rather fast. I just want to forget some of my younger years when it was so hard on me to not be able to relax around others when all I wanted to do was just to have a little fun. I remember the times I didn't feel accepted, and now I'm practicing self-acceptance but it didn't come easy. It seemed like I belonged much better in my fantasy world than I did with the world around me. I could tell something was off when I was in junior high. I just wasn't connecting at all. I was connecting to my inner world, not the people. So I was often perceived as selfish and my self esteem took a nose dive after a while. I realized that there are some who never accept you for who you are with this kind of problem.
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Discombobulated
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2021
Location: MA: Stanberry, Missouri
Posts: 513
3 62 hugs
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#7
I remember not being able to make decisions when I was in my teens because I was often told the decisions I made were strange or not what I was supposed to do. Unfortunately, people were often right. So confusion set in. I felt shamed for every little thing. So I didn't like going out that much. I would have loved to have been a more liked young person with whom others would want to connect with. It would have made my life happier and filled with anticipation and I would have enjoyed the present more. I was always looking back instead of being in the present and looking forward. It's like not having any of your own driving force in your life, only someone else's. It often made me want to be that 'someone else who was normal' which made me seem irrational because we all have problems. It's just that when you fail to pick up on social cues, you feel like you failed to connect in some way. The reason people like me felt bad when young is because we tended to think every thing we did was a social faux pas. It's a rather miserable existence.
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Discombobulated
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Discombobulated
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