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Old 05-21-2021, 01:35 AM   #1
HelloWorld18
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Default Do you experience Loneliness? Iíve come to somewhat enjoy it. Any alike?

A large majority of my life has been spent trying to fit in and make friends. Iíve been fortunate where Iíve had at least 1 friend throughout life. But they always end up leaving. My school years were spent school hopping because I couldnít fit in anywhere. I find when I hide myself and be as plain as possible and shy Iím well liked. But then I guess my personality shows through and people have often times made me a social outcast.

Currently I have some people who are somewhat friends, but itís come to a point where I actually prefer to be alone come the day I have plans with those friends. I crave having friends yet at the same time Iíd rather be home in bed. COVID never really affected me cause I already lived a life of loneliness to a large degree and not interacting with people so much was actually nice for me.

Part of me obviously feels sad that Iím such a social awkward person. When I do make new friends I always worry that theyíll think Iím weird or something negative. Many times I find that Iím the glue for the friendship or were only hanging out cause of my constant effort. Many times Iíve put in less effort to find that I was the reason we hung out cause the other person doesnít find it worth the effort. In the past year and a half Iíve seen my group do 4 friends 7+ year friends dwindle down to 1 and it makes me sad. I have made a serious effort in the last year to make new friends and I have made a couple somewhat friends who I hangout with on occasion. I just fear that this isnít anything that will actually last or theyíll lose interest like so many seem to do (to be fair, sometimes I show a lack of interest as well).

I just feel so worn out trying so hard for people to like me, for me to have friends, like I feel like Iíll never really be the type who has more than 1-2 or so friends. Like no one really sees me as their best friend ive always been made to feel second fiddle to whomever.

Back in HS I thought wow I canít wait till Iím 25 life will be so different and Iím 25ish and life is the same as HS when I would be alone in my room watching tv sad. Except over time that sadness has turned less sad and more into ďOk. Well this isnít that bad.Ē

Anyone relate? Whatís your experience with loneliness? Comments, thoughts etc? Have you come to become like me where the loneliness has become ďeh whatever. Itís not that bad actuallyĒ, like it has for me?
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Old 05-21-2021, 02:28 AM   #2
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Default Re: Do you experience Loneliness? Iíve come to somewhat enjoy it. Any alike?

I could have written a lot of your post, to be honest. I donít see it as Ďlonelinessí, because that implies you feel alone when youíd rather not be - itís more being comfortable with your own company, or enjoying solitude.
It used to be like a taboo to say I didnít really need friends (because thereís always one person who doesnít get it and criticises) but aside from choosing Ďqualityí over quantity (people whoís values align with yours etc), itís ok to not be a social butterfly if that genuinely isnít who you are - everyone has different social needs, and these needs arenít totally static either. As long as youíre not isolating out of social fear (which it doesnít sound like you are), then itís fine.
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Old 05-21-2021, 12:59 PM   #3
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Default Re: Do you experience Loneliness? Iíve come to somewhat enjoy it. Any alike?

i can relate at least partly to your post. i agree with the wise and wonderful RoxanneToto that everyone has its own needs even in terms of Friendships so i wouldn't feel guilty about that. i personally don't have many friends IRL, only one i think. i am fine with being by myself and i have met some interesting people online, more that IRL i think. Just try to Stay with the people that you like and that treat you with Respect. Treat them with Respect as Well of Course. Sorry for the spamming too. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @HelloWorld18, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Old 05-21-2021, 03:39 PM   #4
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Default Re: Do you experience Loneliness? Iíve come to somewhat enjoy it. Any alike?

I think what I am feeling is missing that structure and routine. That I had from the prepandemic. I miss working and seeing my coworkers. But I donít get particularly lonely. This is super odd and probably unhealthy but if I turn on Drag Race or Americaís Next Top Model I feel like I kinda am getting social interaction and company from the contestants.
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Old 05-23-2021, 12:48 AM   #5
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Default Re: Do you experience Loneliness? Iíve come to somewhat enjoy it. Any alike?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I think what I am feeling is missing that structure and routine. That I had from the prepandemic. I miss working and seeing my coworkers. But I donít get particularly lonely. This is super odd and probably unhealthy but if I turn on Drag Race or Americaís Next Top Model I feel like I kinda am getting social interaction and company from the contestants.
I get comfort in tv and watching it and I agree itís like Iím not alone in a sense.
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Old 05-23-2021, 10:35 PM   #6
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Default Re: Do you experience Loneliness? Iíve come to somewhat enjoy it. Any alike?

I had times when I was very lonely and wished someone would do something fun I liked to do with me. It was often hard to feel like I was just being tolerated instead of being wanted.
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Old 05-26-2021, 05:10 PM   #7
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Default Re: Do you experience Loneliness? Iíve come to somewhat enjoy it. Any alike?

I get lonely when there are things I want to go do that are better with other people, like bowling/sports, watching a movie, eating out, doing an activity. Just hanging out and talking though...ugh.... loneliness cured.
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Old 06-03-2021, 10:26 AM   #8
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Default Re: Do you experience Loneliness? Iíve come to somewhat enjoy it. Any alike?

It seems having trouble socially means giving up on fun. Unless they accepted me instead of tolerating me, it still wouldn't be fun anyway.
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Old 06-11-2021, 10:12 AM   #9
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Default Re: Do you experience Loneliness? Iíve come to somewhat enjoy it. Any alike?

Besides, the luckiest autistics have a lot of fun in life and most of them don't enjoy it all that much. That's how I see it. It makes you feel worthless when people make fun of your mannerisms, your speech, and your moods. I've gotten to the point I don't give a damn. I'm serious. Some people get so damn lucky that they're not living with this curse. laughs. I always felt I wanted to someone to take out this nasty gene that causes all the trouble and make me more positive and social. laughs.
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Old 06-11-2021, 10:30 AM   #10
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Default Re: Do you experience Loneliness? Iíve come to somewhat enjoy it. Any alike?

Part of me feels I should been a real albino with hardly any coloring to eyes and extremely light hair. I'm serious. Sure I was so pale when I was younger and all. I should have had albinism on top of autism. Then I wouldn't care as much as you see. I've seen these people and part of me thinks they are very pretty. Then they would have focused on my albinism and would have to had to shelter me a little bit and all. I think my family would have cared more if I was an actual albino. I'm sure of it. laughs.
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Old 06-11-2021, 10:32 AM   #11
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Default Re: Do you experience Loneliness? Iíve come to somewhat enjoy it. Any alike?

Just thought I would put that out there. That's all. I would have had to have been shipped to another country or colder climate instead of having to stay in the area I was born in see?
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