I have to visit my brother next week and I'm terrified

Just want to start my saying I am not autistic, but my older brother is. He is low functioning-ish because he can eat, shower, walk, talk (very basic conversations), etc himself but can't live without carers (he lives in a special home) he can't express himself. He basically lashes out aggressively whenever he gets angry, upset, whatever because he can't say how he's feeling or what's bothering him. For years he was fine, he would hardly ever lash out and even when he did it would be a mild, short-lived incident. His routine was to visit us once a week for dinner and then spend the day on special occasions.

However something changed a couple of years ago. He suddenly became extremely violent and lashing out every 5 minutes in really scary ways to the point where he had to be sectioned and taken to a mental health hospital. Clearly something must have traumatized but like I said he can't express himself so we don't know what is going on in his head and I don't even think the mental health hospital knew why, they just kept trying different medications which didn't seem to work. He was released eventually but still very violent and aggressive. He had an awful incident, the worst I've ever see, when he visited our house a couple of months after being out of hospital and it was so bad they decided we couldn't see him for a while. So we haven't seen him in 6 months. In that time he seems to have gotten a bit better. Doctor said he was making progress and they increased his medications (they want to eventually reduce it again though which scares me a bit) and that they weren't worried he just needs to settle in but he still wasn't ready to visit us because it wasn't fully safe. His carers suggested instead we visit his home so we're going next week and I am absolutely terrified. He is kind of big and VERY strong. I am 150cm and 40kg. I could be really injured if he hit me and I know his carers will be there but even they struggled to hold him down last time he came to our house. After that incident I lost my appetite for days, I didn't speak to anyone. I am so scared to visit him I keep having panic attacks and I feel sick to my stomach. I told my mom I'm scared but she only thinks about my brother saying "look at his point of view, he hasn't seen us in months, he's been waiting, the sooner he gets back into his routine the sooner he'll settle." I understand that but why can't my mom and dad just visit him for now? I don't want to be here, I want to cry. I really just want to disappear. I have to prepare for a couple of job interviews in the coming week but I cannot concentrate or focus on anything.

I know sharing this won't do anything because nobody here can help or control my brother, or stop me from getting hurt, but I never speak to anyone about this so I wanted to vent. And also I just want to say I'm not trying to offend or be unsympathetic towards people who struggle with autism I'm just really anxious right now. I worry things will never go back to how they were before since we don't even know what made him suddenly change like this in the first place.

is their something that you know that can calm him down?. favorite movie, calming object, even a favorite room in the house?. it may be an idea to set these things up before you visit, and both you and him can enjoy it together. just a thought

I hope the visit goes as well as it can do though and you'll let us know

hugs

usually when he lashes out it only really stops once staff get him to stop and then sit with him for a while. thanks for your advice and yes i'll try and update

You don’t come across as offensive (I was diagnosed as being autistic, but high functioning). It is a spectrum and, unfortunately, the reality is some autistic people can be potentially unsafe to be around (obviously, not because they want to be). It’s ok to acknowledge that you feel scared about visiting and to be thinking if there’s anything you can do if something happens. I know this doesn’t really help you, but I hope the visit does go ok.

So Sorry you're all going through this! Please do not give up! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about trying to calm down your anxiety however you can and that is Ok to feel scared i think. Remember that you won't be alone there and that they have said that the's doing better so Hopefully things won't go bad. i am not sure when will the visit take place but try not to think about it too much. i Hope everything will go definitely well. Please do keep us updated if you want to. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @cookiepie234, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

My situation is switched around. I'm the autistic one, a girl of all things, and my brother isn't. It makes it tough on me. It was hard on me when he was turned off all of a sudden if I happened to change the topic. So I hardly talk unless I have to.