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modestlychee6463
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Default Aug 24, 2021 at 12:24 AM
  #1
Over the years, I got tired of others feeling sorry for me and thinking I should have accomplished a lot more by now. It just reinforces that feeling that I kind of 'failed' at life compared to 'neurotypical' people. It's a very irksome feeling to think you still can't drive around places or accomplish much in life especially if you're over thirty. It's a sinking, embarrassing feeling. I have experienced self pity too. Sometimes I have enjoyed doing certain activities like swimming and dancing but the trouble is I was never doing it with peers. It seemed like I practically sucked at that stuff until I got into my mid thirties which was very late to be still thinking of fun teen activities if you get me. I would have loved to have enjoyed the present and looked forward to life more. It has made me sad all this time that I don't remember looking forward to much of anything like this. I hardly remember peer cameraderie and activities and getting older isn't setting very well with me. I'm lucky if I don't have to experience old age since I didn't get much of this type of interaction. That explains my unhappiness. Earlier today, it was great to escape and spend some time under the water. I was thinking of what it would have been like being on the swim or dance team. I don't know why. I just felt great after ward. Sometimes I wonder if it would be good for me to get to go to a real beach you know. I don't know. This disconnect with happy feelings and emptiness is getting more apparent as I get older. I got tired of some of my siblings pitying me for seemingly small social life and I felt bad because I couldn't seem to do anything about it. I have imagined 'living life all over again' even though I'm not really doing that. I'm just trying to be positive.
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Default Aug 24, 2021 at 12:13 PM
  #2
Dear modestlychee6463.

It can be hard to positive sometimes. I have a lot of regrets and sometimes they enter my thought stream and overwhelm me. But like you, I try to stay positive. I think you are a very heroic person.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Default Aug 24, 2021 at 09:59 PM
  #3
Thank you. I'm glad to be listened to concerning this subject.
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Default Aug 25, 2021 at 01:31 AM
  #4
I think you should try and do the things that make you happy. I have a few hobbies/interests that others might see as immature (one sort of current hobby is painting tiny horses to look like the 80s My Little Pony toys. I’m planning to put them on necklaces later and sell them, but mostly it is an excuse to indulge in childhood nostalgia!) My hobbies don’t harm the people around me, but I do understand the feeling of being judged for enjoying them. There are certain (totally innocuous) sites I go on every day that I’d feel wary of looking at on a library computer, because other people there can’t seem to mind their own business.
Lastly, I don’t know how you feel about not having many friends but I would be irritated at your siblings’ pity as well. Years ago, I heard snippets through my mum that my brother had his own sort of narratives as to why I had virtually no friends (aside from my mental health issues, it’s turned out to be more complex than the explanations he came up with, anyway). Truth is, at that time I didn’t care at all. A lot of people just have this idea of what your life should look like, without considering whether it’s really what you would want for yourself. If you do want a larger social group that’s fair enough, just don’t feel pressured into trying to fix it because of your family’s comments.
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Default Aug 30, 2021 at 04:12 PM
  #5
Thanks for your support, RoxanneToto. It's just that I got so tired of feeling judged for expressing my feelings. I don't want the damn siblings' pity. They got lucky when they turned out 'normal'. I'd love to see them rush around all the time if that's how they feel about me. That's why I wish I could just leave and abandon my siblings and leave them be. Nothing would change anyway. Why didn't God just throw me back if he knew what my life would look like? Just a thought I had in mind. I don't give a damn about my family's comments anymore. It wouldn't matter what I did. I'd never be good enough for them. So I'd love to leave them 'forever'.
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Default Sep 01, 2021 at 09:51 AM
  #6
Yes pity is not a welcome thing I agree. I have a physically disabled relative and it's shocked me several times how well meaning people respond to their disability with pity. It's inappropriate.
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