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Old 08-24-2021, 12:24 AM   #1
modestlychee6463
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Default Experiencing pity is the worst.

Over the years, I got tired of others feeling sorry for me and thinking I should have accomplished a lot more by now. It just reinforces that feeling that I kind of 'failed' at life compared to 'neurotypical' people. It's a very irksome feeling to think you still can't drive around places or accomplish much in life especially if you're over thirty. It's a sinking, embarrassing feeling. I have experienced self pity too. Sometimes I have enjoyed doing certain activities like swimming and dancing but the trouble is I was never doing it with peers. It seemed like I practically sucked at that stuff until I got into my mid thirties which was very late to be still thinking of fun teen activities if you get me. I would have loved to have enjoyed the present and looked forward to life more. It has made me sad all this time that I don't remember looking forward to much of anything like this. I hardly remember peer cameraderie and activities and getting older isn't setting very well with me. I'm lucky if I don't have to experience old age since I didn't get much of this type of interaction. That explains my unhappiness. Earlier today, it was great to escape and spend some time under the water. I was thinking of what it would have been like being on the swim or dance team. I don't know why. I just felt great after ward. Sometimes I wonder if it would be good for me to get to go to a real beach you know. I don't know. This disconnect with happy feelings and emptiness is getting more apparent as I get older. I got tired of some of my siblings pitying me for seemingly small social life and I felt bad because I couldn't seem to do anything about it. I have imagined 'living life all over again' even though I'm not really doing that. I'm just trying to be positive.
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Old 08-24-2021, 12:13 PM   #2
Yaowen
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Default Re: Experiencing pity is the worst.

Dear modestlychee6463.

It can be hard to positive sometimes. I have a lot of regrets and sometimes they enter my thought stream and overwhelm me. But like you, I try to stay positive. I think you are a very heroic person.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Old 08-24-2021, 09:59 PM   #3
modestlychee6463
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Default Re: Experiencing pity is the worst.

Thank you. I'm glad to be listened to concerning this subject.
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Old 08-25-2021, 01:31 AM   #4
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Default Re: Experiencing pity is the worst.

I think you should try and do the things that make you happy. I have a few hobbies/interests that others might see as immature (one sort of current hobby is painting tiny horses to look like the 80s My Little Pony toys. Iím planning to put them on necklaces later and sell them, but mostly it is an excuse to indulge in childhood nostalgia!) My hobbies donít harm the people around me, but I do understand the feeling of being judged for enjoying them. There are certain (totally innocuous) sites I go on every day that Iíd feel wary of looking at on a library computer, because other people there canít seem to mind their own business.
Lastly, I donít know how you feel about not having many friends but I would be irritated at your siblingsí pity as well. Years ago, I heard snippets through my mum that my brother had his own sort of narratives as to why I had virtually no friends (aside from my mental health issues, itís turned out to be more complex than the explanations he came up with, anyway). Truth is, at that time I didnít care at all. A lot of people just have this idea of what your life should look like, without considering whether itís really what you would want for yourself. If you do want a larger social group thatís fair enough, just donít feel pressured into trying to fix it because of your familyís comments.
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Old 08-30-2021, 04:12 PM   #5
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Default Re: Experiencing pity is the worst.

Thanks for your support, RoxanneToto. It's just that I got so tired of feeling judged for expressing my feelings. I don't want the damn siblings' pity. They got lucky when they turned out 'normal'. I'd love to see them rush around all the time if that's how they feel about me. That's why I wish I could just leave and abandon my siblings and leave them be. Nothing would change anyway. Why didn't God just throw me back if he knew what my life would look like? Just a thought I had in mind. I don't give a damn about my family's comments anymore. It wouldn't matter what I did. I'd never be good enough for them. So I'd love to leave them 'forever'.
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Old 09-01-2021, 09:51 AM   #6
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Yes pity is not a welcome thing I agree. I have a physically disabled relative and it's shocked me several times how well meaning people respond to their disability with pity. It's inappropriate.
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