[modestlychee6463]

I notice I have accumulated bitterness over what I felt I should have accomplished by now and haven't and being scorned for it too. Plus, having people giving you advice and insults about why you can't get your life together. You might have some periods when you just resent the actions of pity towards you. I would have rather been made out of rubber than been autistic any day. laughs. It makes life seem like a bitter sick joke. Then you have times when people are just so damn mean, and they don't care to be around you because your mood is often dark. What a vicious cycle it all is! Nothing like being reminded that you are a failure when you always have some who would love to rub it in your face. I realize that I would pray and try to take action and all you get is looked down when it's really not your fault at all. Sometimes I wonder why God even sent me here at all. I guess it's to do some kind of not so wonderful plan.

[Yaowen]

You express very well so many of the things I have felt and thought. I wish I knew what to say to help you but I can't even help myself.

[modestlychee6463]

Thank you. I have been touched by any response at all. That's how sad I have felt about life. Thanks for touching on that topic for I have at times hated myself with a strong venom like you wouldn't believe. I see little hope in my life at all. God is not smiling for me. I just know he's not. I think he feels very sorry for me. I can't believe mother didn't give me away to someone better equipped to deal with my developmental problems. laughs.