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AzulOscuro
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Default Mar 27, 2022 at 12:31 PM
  #21
You made me blush with that about teachers like me being needed. 😀
Yes, you are not the first one who has told me that at school was made nothing about a bullying case.
I however think that if there’s a moment when the teacher, the tutor, school and Educational authorities have to intervine is in these cases of bullying.
It’s like when a kid is mistreat at home. It produce many wounds in the kid and the bullies also have to take responsibility and learn.
I couldn’t ignore a thing like that. It’s not that all the time you have to make a big deal because it’s punctual but even in these case, you have to make the kid know that it’s a bad thing to do. Many times, when the bully sees you don’t approve a disrespect to a mate. It makes him/her think.

If it’s needed to go beyond, your obligation is to go beyond. How many kids have died because they have been neglected and abuse by their relatives or how many kids have committed suicide because they couldn’t take in a single more day at school because they have been bullied while many adults have washed themselves their hands.

In the past, there were a long group of people, the neighbourhood, the town, the tribe who use to involve themselves in the kids education, no matter if they were their own kid or somebody else’s kid. And now, not even teachers can do it. It’s not easy to get to an agreement with the parents, with the director of a school or the Administration. Or even, the law, in the worst cases. So, it’s not easy.

I understand the symptoms you describe and I see how you felt reflected with people with Asperger Syndrome. It doesn’t make you necessarily a person with Asperger. I’m very much like you, socially, and I’m not autistic.
Said that, that it lacks of relevance, the thing is that anything you may have or show that it’s different to the norm, it’s put in the spot.
If you are black within white people, if you are shy, if you find harder to socialised, if you are perceive as weaker, or a more studious person, if you have any disability, whatever can make a target of you.
I’m strange that it still happens nowadays. It means we are receiving subtle messages that didn’t match well with the other messages about accepting people as equal.
This is my concern.
We are living the lives that other people are interested we live and think what they are interested we think.

I think I get out of topic for a moment. I’m asking myself a lot of question about how the world is going and why.

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Default Apr 04, 2022 at 03:19 AM
  #22
I have experienced bullying throughout life. when I was very young it wasn't too bad i had my mothers protection and dedication to helping me and a good medical team (I was born with a condition then rare in babies in the 60's).


Because it wasn't found for so long I also ended up with autism and major issues with dissociation. (also had epilepsy in childhood). so as I grew my 'oddities' became more and more obvious

Although with my mothers help I'd manage to catchup academically enough to avoid a 'special school' no-one seemed to consider emotional/social development as important back in those days.


As long as I wasn't too disruptive and could read and write and do most of the work, sit quietly and answer questions I was close enough to normal to be allowed to stay in a mainstream school! (also influenced by the fact that we lived rurally and the nearest special school was hundreds of miles away)


In a small village school I received enough help and other kids were discouraged from making fun of me but in a huge secondary school with 32 kids per class and thousands in the school overall, you are very much on your own! ..I just did not have the skills to cope or understand the 'unspoken' social rules. No-one made exceptions for 'my difficulties' and teasing was cruel and unforgiving.

Everything I did was pointed out and made fun so I became so hyperaware and paranoid that school became terrifying. I had to 'come out of my own world to survive or more..I 'sent out' someone else to mimic others so I appeared 'normal' and my previous 'imaginary friends' became 'social masks' with their own identities and likes & dislikes (usually the opposite to mine and whatever was popular to be into to at the time).


'I' disappeared and what was left was who people expected to see ..a 'functional drone/social mask' there to 'get through the day'. I could be whoever would get us what was needed to survive and be seen to be progressing but I was never 'me' in front of anyone else again for many years.


The menopause (or peri) 'unmasked' me as I was so exhausted of having to mask by then and the intolerances and changes in mood/behaviour that this stage brings made me feel very 'couldn't care less' The pandemic isolated me further and finally after spending years isolated I felt able to ditch the masks (at least with immediate family) and just avoided anyone I'd have to 'mask up' for.


I definitely think bullying hugely affects a person's psyche and development and relationships. I never married I didn't want kids who would grow up to make fun of me,neither did I want to find myself trapped in an abusive relationship I couldn't get out of. I don't like meeting people face to face and my first thought is usually 'what are they capable of doing to me if I let them get too close', so I have no real life friends.



I'm not necessarily 'happy' alone but I'm safe from others and my beloved dogs give me the type of unconditional love I got from my mother in childhood.

Sadly she had cancer in my late teens (when it was still very much a death sentence back then) and when I was still far from ready to take on the world without her.


We didn't know I had autism back then, although it was suspected in college but not officially diagnosed until many years later after a 'mental breakdown'

I suspect I have some form of dissociative disorder too and have always had but have no interest in going through hell (or 'therapy' as the real world calls it) to 'prove it' and just end up heavily medicated!

I've never been medicated for it just learnt to control it/hide it when I needed to (in front of others).
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Unhappy Apr 04, 2022 at 04:40 PM
  #23
I was bullied both verbally and physically throughout high school by a gang of older boys. At one point one of them beat me up breaking my nose. But when he was asked why he did it, he said I called him a name. (I should have been so bold!) So I got blamed for it. At one point I even went to the school principal because I was so distraught. But he just told me I should take a look at myself and he walked away. My parents knew what was going on. But I guess they didn't think enough of it to care either. It may be too strong to say all of this destroyed my life. (I've been pretty good at accomplishing that myself.) But it certainly didn't help.

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Default Apr 14, 2022 at 09:54 AM
  #24
I was bullied at school, verbally and physically. Someone (an adult) later told me they also abused me in other ways. That part, I do not remember.

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Default Apr 20, 2022 at 07:15 PM
  #25
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Originally Posted by InkyTinks View Post
I have experienced bullying throughout life. when I was very young it wasn't too bad i had my mothers protection and dedication to helping me and a good medical team (I was born with a condition then rare in babies in the 60's).


Because it wasn't found for so long I also ended up with autism and major issues with dissociation. (also had epilepsy in childhood). so as I grew my 'oddities' became more and more obvious

Although with my mothers help I'd manage to catchup academically enough to avoid a 'special school' no-one seemed to consider emotional/social development as important back in those days.


As long as I wasn't too disruptive and could read and write and do most of the work, sit quietly and answer questions I was close enough to normal to be allowed to stay in a mainstream school! (also influenced by the fact that we lived rurally and the nearest special school was hundreds of miles away)


In a small village school I received enough help and other kids were discouraged from making fun of me but in a huge secondary school with 32 kids per class and thousands in the school overall, you are very much on your own! ..I just did not have the skills to cope or understand the 'unspoken' social rules. No-one made exceptions for 'my difficulties' and teasing was cruel and unforgiving.

Everything I did was pointed out and made fun so I became so hyperaware and paranoid that school became terrifying. I had to 'come out of my own world to survive or more..I 'sent out' someone else to mimic others so I appeared 'normal' and my previous 'imaginary friends' became 'social masks' with their own identities and likes & dislikes (usually the opposite to mine and whatever was popular to be into to at the time).


'I' disappeared and what was left was who people expected to see ..a 'functional drone/social mask' there to 'get through the day'. I could be whoever would get us what was needed to survive and be seen to be progressing but I was never 'me' in front of anyone else again for many years.


The menopause (or peri) 'unmasked' me as I was so exhausted of having to mask by then and the intolerances and changes in mood/behaviour that this stage brings made me feel very 'couldn't care less' The pandemic isolated me further and finally after spending years isolated I felt able to ditch the masks (at least with immediate family) and just avoided anyone I'd have to 'mask up' for.


I definitely think bullying hugely affects a person's psyche and development and relationships. I never married I didn't want kids who would grow up to make fun of me,neither did I want to find myself trapped in an abusive relationship I couldn't get out of. I don't like meeting people face to face and my first thought is usually 'what are they capable of doing to me if I let them get too close', so I have no real life friends.



I'm not necessarily 'happy' alone but I'm safe from others and my beloved dogs give me the type of unconditional love I got from my mother in childhood.

Sadly she had cancer in my late teens (when it was still very much a death sentence back then) and when I was still far from ready to take on the world without her.


We didn't know I had autism back then, although it was suspected in college but not officially diagnosed until many years later after a 'mental breakdown'

I suspect I have some form of dissociative disorder too and have always had but have no interest in going through hell (or 'therapy' as the real world calls it) to 'prove it' and just end up heavily medicated!

I've never been medicated for it just learnt to control it/hide it when I needed to (in front of others).
Thank you very much for sharing your story with us.
I’m sorry a lot your dear mum passed away so soon and I understand she was the most important people in your life. Sure, she was the best mother in the Universe. So unfair, she went off.

You are so right. Being bullied is like saying to the person who is bullied: You are weird, you are less than us. You don’t have value. It’s us who count and matter.

Such a big lie than I would bet they neither believe it. Or their value as human is zero or the values they received from their caretakers are wrong or none.
People who use to plant the chaos around them usually is because the chaos is inside them.

I totally agree that teachers, principal of schools, social services and even the police and law has to make a role to treat both bullied and people who bull others. I’m not putting both in the same level. My heart is with the first ones. But they both need interventions.

I’m so truly sorry that you had to get through all this.
Lots of hugs and kisses for you!!!!

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Default Apr 20, 2022 at 07:17 PM
  #26
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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
I was bullied at school, verbally and physically. Someone (an adult) later told me they also abused me in other ways. That part, I do not remember.
Oh, @Fuzzy, you also were bullied! I’m sorry a lot.
I know kids that are bullied feel shame and that prevent then to talk to an adult. Did you do it?

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Default Apr 20, 2022 at 07:23 PM
  #27
I was really fat as a kid and I was bullied. I did have a few true friends that helped me get through it all. Kids on our street were great. At school a different story.
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Default Apr 20, 2022 at 07:46 PM
  #28
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I was really fat as a kid and I was bullied. I did have a few true friends that helped me get through it all. Kids on our street were great. At school a different story.
Stupid people! What’s the relevance in a person having kilos of more than the “average”. Is it change you or dismiss value as a person? It’s so stupid.
Our society is so materialistic and so forced to get some standards being provided by social media that anyone who don’t fit them it is considered out of place.
Forget about them. They aren’t worthy or not smart enough to avoid being manipulated. Focus on the other people who were by your side.

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Default Apr 20, 2022 at 08:12 PM
  #29
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Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
I was bullied both verbally and physically throughout high school by a gang of older boys. At one point one of them beat me up breaking my nose. But when he was asked why he did it, he said I called him a name. (I should have been so bold!) So I got blamed for it. At one point I even went to the school principal because I was so distraught. But he just told me I should take a look at myself and he walked away. My parents knew what was going on. But I guess they didn't think enough of it to care either. It may be too strong to say all of this destroyed my life. (I've been pretty good at accomplishing that myself.) But it certainly didn't help.
This is a guy sometimes has to face, to a gang of “ hard guys”.
I’m sorry a lot you went through it.
This is a real problem. Many parents don’t accept his kid is an abuser. And understand what you say about adults didn’t take it so seriously. It was seen as normal disputes between kids.
Luckily things changed and now we are aware of how much pain bullying may affect to kids.
In the past it was taken as a normal thing.
Now, it’s taken as something hard for the target.
I’m still waiting for the next step. Intervention on each parts. Help the kid bullied and investigate the ones who bull others: The one who bullying, the family, the mindset of the one who bull.
Not one more suicide of a kid or adolescent because of others $hit.

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Default Apr 24, 2022 at 03:29 AM
  #30
I first experienced tough love with being new every two to four years, thanks to having to move homes.
Then, I experienced local girls, who enjoyed gender normative dolls, dresses, and activities that I didn't.
Then, I experienced molestation, which I cannot discuss anywhere, because I whine, nobody cares, and "all kids do that stuff"
I experienced my family psychologically bullying me for not having a sweeter voice, and for daring to use it for any reason that might disrupt the silence at dinner tables.
I experienced my mother reading my diary (guess she buypassed the security device lol), at the kitchen table, before i went to school. That one always made me wonder why the timing, like what could one honestly discover just before i run to the bus stop>
I experienced being punished by shopkeepers who thought I stole from them in a country I didn't know.
I experienced non-fatal strangulation for the duration of the night hours post connundrum, with parent, who I guess I keep dwelling on this trauma in particular, but it's the most difficult to shake. It taught me that not only did I have to leave home immediately to correct whatever was wrong with me, but I will never forget how fragile life can be...when my asthma was dying to go crazy, and I still don't know how the hell I stood against the wall that long. I honestly still don't understand what the game was that he was playing or the exercise in psychological growth or tough love I was supposed to learn, but I knew and know without a doubt, there was nothing behind my parent's eyes at the time. If you are being strangled by someone who owns you, is twice your size, and literally can dispose of you without any hassles, I mean, the only choice is to keep staring at death until either he or you weaken.

So, yeah, lots of that stuff, nothing outside of home was ever worse than home.
My family still has trouble believing any of this aspergers stuff is more than a ploy for attention, and laziness.

I still make the effort, because, well, there have to be more of us out here. I humiliate and shame my family if I am honest about the past, but I waited decades, and still, it's like it just happened, and I'm still the theif, the liar, the deviant, the one who is capable of harming my family.

When I lived in Houston, close to Houston, back in the day with my folks, because of course I still thought I could learn/earn my degree, get a job, sigh, anyway....one time we were not able to communicate and my mother picked up the phone out of simple rage, no detailed concept here, she just ran lifted it up like the liberty torch and said, if you do A, B, or C, I will call the cops on you. I was hurt, confused, but above all thought, WHY THOUGH? Because you don't like having to live with or help or deal with me anymore? I was never violent to anyone besides myself. All she said, was it would be your word against mine. So, plot thickens, as does blood, when your family threatens you for being mentally ill or disagreeable, and clearly having broken no law.....I was definitely wild and young then, but then I was raised to sit at dinner quietly and not say anything unless someone asked me something, otherwise I was just trying to get attention or being a nuisance.

There was bullying in the beginning, and it will go on until the end of my life, because some of us don't have the luxury to decide. Some of us signed away our rights, for whatever reason, so maybe someday the universe could introduce them to some very popular hypothetical ob viously new age group in their neighborhood, so they don't feel threatened nor blamed, embarassed, or that i will even be involved, and they could seek some help or process some of their personal stuff.

James Corden was my hero for doing a wicked piece on how us fat folks, don't need a reminder that we need to be shamed.
Some of us live with such shame, when we speak directly or try to make eye contact to our loved ones, it feels like I really must have stolen something important, like hey lydiamarilyn, after all this time energy and money, you still f'n bother me? What do you want from me?

And then I take my medication as I promised a distant relative, and I carry on. I went to every clinic, hospital, treatment, therapy, I went without question, and on some occasions yes, very hostile, because I got *****y because my family stays strong, and I lose everyone I meet.

I got bullied out of my university, but I was not enough of an advocate to stick it out, I guess as I age, I get weaker. lol. In some ways, not in others.

I have heard and seen many horrible behaviors, and I am not Stockholming, but my family will always be my family. I value a place to share my story without involvng them, but I know I made a wise choice as a teenager. I left home or I would have taken that pain and trauma out on more people than the ones who I spend everyday trying not to self harm over having treated so poorly as a product of so much abuse that I thought was just the way of the world.

Well, I don't know if that post really helped, but maybe someday I'll feel better, or make them happier, or get the proper help for aspergers, instead of being able to list the potential options within any english pharmacopia or BF publication, before my mental health team makes a new suggestion.

IF YOU ARE BEING BULLIED IN ANY WAY, HOLD ON, HOLD ON, IT'S IN KIPLING, AND IT'S THE ONLY PART I KEEP UP WITH...
if it just ended, if you are unable to sleep, if you have to walk extra blocks to school, if you wish these people would find a more meaningful pastime than hurting you, PLEASE HOLD ON! The world needs you way more than you think. xxoo LM
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Default Apr 24, 2022 at 03:37 AM
  #31
Oh, yeah, and they won't do family therapy, no family stuff, and everything is leverage, everything is humiliating, and I can never show it, unless they need it.
If their moods change, as they often do with seasons or any major life event, I tend to end up with a new or multimorbid diagnosis.
I just hope at some point I fit in this world, even though I don't know how to cope with direct social interaction well, and I'm agoraphobic, and they only people I think are still real might be on this website.
I feel terrified having told that story, but if someone tries to make you fear for your life, or scare you psychologically, it's not right, I don't care why or who is doing it, please remember that you don't deserve hits below the belt. I have learned that I am still of that stock, so on occasion I have hit below the belt, but I will NEVER shy from marching right back to your face to apologize. xxoo
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Default Apr 24, 2022 at 04:01 AM
  #32
Oh my bad, I forgot the time I was new in another new country. I was so angry, filled with rage, and the only coping skill I had was slicing my arms. My parents sent me to therapists consistently, which was essential, proactive, and awesome...but we were like not supposed to ever discuss it. Anyway, I get to the new school, I'm the pudgy short haired girl who wants to play football, and I'm wound so tight, I probably was way too intense for any sensible pre-teen defender to be, even in Europe. However, one day a girl, asked to speak to me, and I was all flattered, like omg one of the pretty popular girls is going to say something that doesn't make me feel like the only American idiot in the room...anyway, she took me way out toward the back of the buildings, nobody around, not even the smokers...and that's weird. Anyway, she got very personal, up in my face, she said, why are you sleeping with my best friend's boyfriend, to which I had no serious answer, because it didn't compute.
1. Virgin
2. Defender
3. Who is this guy again?
4. Who's boyfriend? Don't they all have someone playing football? Why this guy?
5. Is this a joke? Wow, they are both screaming at me and I'm afraid, I guess I will shamefully leave now.
6. I guess I can't play football now, because I made some girl think her man was sleeping with the last person who could get laid, I mean seriously, EVEN NOW...so more and more questions, no answers....
7. Again, as in every state, location, only few are excluded I have been consistently reminded to look over my shoulder, no matter what the reason, or lack thereof...lol...just last year a fabulous old buddy from that very time and school was chatting with me, giving EXCELLENT advice about family, god bless that man so much wiser than people know, anyway, he was like hey remember that old soccer/footbal drama ********? I was like yeah, I had knives held to me and I had to leave and transfer to another english speaking experience across town. Such a bummer. I did state clearly that it was a complete lie, and I was maybe 12, and had still got a year left until I threw my virginity into the rubbish. I mean slam dunk.

He was like, "OH, you mean, she lied??""
And I almost felt embarrassed for her, like both those girls, like I should lie for them for them to save whatever or however many faces they have. Nobody is perfect.
Yeah, but most of all I learned helplessness, not to ask nor advocate, nor stick up for myself.
Nobody who played on the pitch must have known about it, nor did they ask me, just like when death tried to steal my breath for hours, and I wouldn't let him, because he still didn't treat me like a human being. No one asks me a damn thing, and it's so common, it's protocol, or my family will have a meltdown (enter least favorite reality show here). All I was trying to do was not go back to cutting myself, because at school, shame follows you around no matter who you are. I still watch motivational videos starring Mess or Ronal or Rooney or anyone in the Last Game! I still cannot hate those who give and preserve my ridiculous life, god willing, maybe there will be a future where none of us have to fear the punishment for feeling or speaking honestly or openly. I thought I would be greeted with all this respect when I broke it down with my father privately, mother a few times, sis only answers messages....but nothing changed. lol. Silly of me to demand so much. Being above ground is the only thing I give a sincere care about, practicing kindness I was not shown, and maybe time will mend. Maybe someday I'll know what partners really are, because I can't even walk out of my building without problems.

A GENIUS, A FEW GENIUSES TAUGHT ME ALONG THE WAY, I NEED TO BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT I'VE GOT...HUAH, ABSOLUTELY, no doubts ever. xxoo
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Default May 15, 2022 at 07:38 PM
  #33
I was bullied at school and home by children and adults. Back then school teachers only taught. They didn't try to help troubled children. At least that's how my teachers were.
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Default May 25, 2022 at 05:41 PM
  #34
Guys, girls…all your stories touched me. Bullying, or giving someone the silent treatment (ostracising) someone for being different it’s there.
It’s unfair and spotlight that as a society we have still so much to learn.

I know things have changed a little and now there is more knowledge about Asperger’s syndrome but still we have ahead a long path.

Hope no more kids have to go through hard situations only because they are different and people knows more about this disorder.

Thank you very much for all your replies.

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Default Aug 30, 2023 at 07:57 PM
  #35
I don't have Asperger's, but oh yes, I was bullied a lot as a child. I did have some friends at school, but I was definitely a target for the bullies. They were the stereotypical "Mean Girls" type and to this day I have some problems interacting with other women. By the age of 11 I was already starting to withdraw from people, and when I was 16 I actually dropped out of school because I was sick of dealing with the nasty ppl there. I haven't had much faith in people since that time. I know there are a lot of kind people out there, but my experiences have made me very wary. Even "Mean Girl" types can be friendly at times, you know? You start to think maybe they're okay after all...and then they revert to type and you're worse off than ever. So maybe I'm paranoid, but maybe I had some reasons to be that way.

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Default Aug 31, 2023 at 07:24 AM
  #36
Hello,
How are you doing?
Thank you for sharing your story.
It’s a very sad one but real and much more common than we may think.

I understand that the bullying you suffered cost you dropped school. What you lived was literally a hell. I know what is like to feel an outcast for a different reason. Yours is worst because you were treated as one by some of your peers. It must hurt so much. It’s so important to fit in, especially when you experienced bullying. I’m not strange your self esteem was over the floor.

Did you find some kind of help when all this happened?
Are things better for you now?

I’m sorry a lot. I’m a retired teacher and I would have liked to be able to help you at those moments.

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Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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