[CantExplain]

When I started group therapy (my first group), I spent most of my time talking to the ceiling. It took an effort to look people in the eye, and even then, my glance kept sliding away. I guess this has always been a problem but it was much more noticeable in the group than elsewhere. And the group was a very good place to practise.

I think it took me about six months to get comfortable with looking people in the eye at the group, but it wasd a lesson I took with me into the real world.

So this was my first and greatest success in overcoming my Aspergers.

[Callista]

I've been working with this myself; but there's one hang-up that often needs to be taken into account. Autistic brains like ours have a hard time multi-tasking; and that means that when I look someone in the eye, I often can't concentrate very well on what they are saying. That's a problem--I care about what they're saying and I want to listen to it!

So, for me, the solution to the eye-contact issue was--believe it or not--to avoid eye contact. Well--not completely avoid. What I did was to train myself to look in the direction of the other person, rather than making actual eye contact. That way, the (usually neurotypical) conversational partner can read my face and my eyes, but I'm not distracted by theirs. It's a good compromise that makes understanding and participating in conversation a lot less cognitively taxing.

I don't know whether this is useful for everybody. Probably not; autism is so very diverse! For me, it's the best solution because I get the most information from another person's speech rather than their body language; and I read whole-body posture better than I read facial expression. So, to get the most information, I need to concentrate on the speech and its inflections. I'm very fond of music and somewhat talented, so I use a lot of my knowledge about music to understand speech. Whole-body posture is also easier for me, maybe because it's slower and larger, or maybe because (feel free to laugh) I learned how to read body postures from my cats! So, if I face in their direction and concentrate on their speech, I get the optimum amount of information.

[kittycat97]

It feels impossible to me to look into the eyes of others. To me, the eyes are the most scary part to look at. I take about a month to get used to people, being able to stop covering myself but not completely making eye contact. I don't know why but making eye contact with people triggers some really weird emotions in me. I get anxious, scared, burst into tears or I can't stop laughing. I am still trying very hard, hopefully i am able to really look into the eyes of people rather than staring and focusing on their nose or some part of their face near the eyes. Haha

[bamapsych]

My Asperger's T told me a trick. She suggested looking at the other person's ears instead of eyes. Supposedly they can't tell a difference when you do this. She said it's less scary to look at ears.

I look at people's eyes with a lot of anxiety, I just tell myself that they expect that of you, and you better do it or they will think less of you. But with family I just look at their general direction. Except when they lecture me, and they demand I look straight at them. I just look for three seconds and look away for three, it's a bit better.

I rarely make eye contact with people. For me it is not about anxiety at all, but just the way I am. It's a habit.

[Karl's Mum]

What a creative way to solve the eye contact problem. Do you have any suggestions about me helping my 21 year old son to overcome his addiction to video games and all things on the computer. Seems like it is taking him completely out of the world of work and school. I really miss him.
Thanks.

Originally Posted by bamapsych

My Asperger's T told me a trick. She suggested looking at the other person's ears instead of eyes. Supposedly they can't tell a difference when you do this. She said it's less scary to look at ears.

[beadlady29]

this is soemthign beads always have had problem wiht........lookign peopls in the eye.............we really liekn the idea of lookign at their ne3ars inst3ead, altho that mite still be to close to their eyes.....mabe we look just over their heads adn they will thunkeds we lookign at them adn we can still concentrate on what they sayign.................thakn u far this...........
beads

[GENISIS]

Originally Posted by Karl's Mum

What a creative way to solve the eye contact problem. Do you have any suggestions about me helping my 21 year old son to overcome his addiction to video games and all things on the computer. Seems like it is taking him completely out of the world of work and school. I really miss him.
Thanks.

WOW! WHAT A GREAT IDEA

Originally Posted by Karl's Mum

What a creative way to solve the eye contact problem. Do you have any suggestions about me helping my 21 year old son to overcome his addiction to video games and all things on the computer. Seems like it is taking him completely out of the world of work and school. I really miss him.
Thanks.

This is the world of the autistic person, that which you see right there. Video games and computers become a safe haven after facing all the trials and tribulations of the neurotypically-controlled world "of work and school". We just don't fit, period. The problem ain't the video games/computer, that is simply an outlet. If he can be helped to cope with the "world of work and school", you'll see the video game/computer addiction magically disappear overnight.

Addiction in autists is a sign they are struggling with the one and only problem all autists struggle with - trying to understand how people work, and why we can't seem to figure them out. You must bear in mind, these are the brains capable of hacking CIA computers, we love to figure things out, puzzles, it is our nature. The more challenging and frustrating the better. Trying to understand other human beings is often the most frustrating and is therefore at the top of the list. As with all the autist's interests, it can become an all-encompassing obsession. Video game/computer addiction is possibly serving as some kind of distraction or quenching more than likely. It is working as a reminder to the autist how good he/she still is at something, so as to provide motivation, perseverance and inspiration to continue chipping away at the main obsession.

[daynrand]

Originally Posted by bamapsych

My Asperger's T told me a trick. She suggested looking at the other person's ears instead of eyes. Supposedly they can't tell a difference when you do this. She said it's less scary to look at ears.

Thank you so much for sharing that! It's always been a problem for me, for whatever reason. I never thought of it as being related to AS, but then again, I didn't even know I had AS 'til late in life. My Dad used to say you could tell the character of a person by whether they would look you in the eye or not, and so it was just another thing to condemn myself by that it felt so uncomfortable. Somehow I used to think the other person felt as uncomfortable as I did, like I was trying to stare into their head or something, ha ha.

Here's a little story about when my beautiful daughter was born: she was amazing from minute one in the world. She smiled immediately and was looking around at things with amazement from the beginning. The day after she was born I was alone at home with her for the 1st time. She woke up and looked right into my eyes and smiled. Then she just lay there gazing into my eyes, as I felt like I was falling into hers, seeing the universe in this incredible tiny being that had just appeared into my life. All of a sudden I felt scared to death and had to look away! I don't know why! I've never forgotten that moment. It was at the same time one of the most awesome experiences of my life and then, suddenly, one of the most... I don't know, dreadful. As if I should be afraid to look into the eyes of my newborn daughter! But somehow, I don't know, it was something about her sheer purity or the immensity of her coming "out of the everywhere into the here" that for some reason just frightened me. (Don't worry, that feeling passed.)

When she was older, we realized that the 2 of us had exactly the same eyes. Not only the same color, but the same in every way. We would stand in front of a mirror and stare at each other's eyes and then both of us would scream, "Oh FREAKY!" and laugh hysterically, because it was so funny to see our own eyes in the other's face. Yeah, I guess I was a weird mom alright. She sure turned out to be one cool person, though.

[Figuringitout117]

I always look at people's mouths when they talk to me. I try looking at their eyes but it's distracting. Or I look at then and then look away to listen. I don't even know if I'm autistic or have aspergers but reading all your comments feels so familiar. I'm in my mid 30s and actually dated a dr who said he thinks he has it, which got me to think about it. I did an online test which said I possibly have it and should get evaluated. Ugh... But maybe will explain why I am who I am...

[KarenSue]

Originally Posted by bamapsych

My Asperger's T told me a trick. She suggested looking at the other person's ears instead of eyes. Supposedly they can't tell a difference when you do this. She said it's less scary to look at ears.

[avlady]

i tend to try to read lips while looking in their eyes at the same time.body language also is important too.