Struggling To Change

For so many years I have isolated myself. My only companion was alcohol for many of those years. I would avoid people, didn't trust them, always seemed to attract people who would hurt me, especially women. I would have so much anxiety with women I couldn't have normal relationships. I hated people because I was so envious that they could so easily find relationships and happiness that I struggled so with.

So now I've quit drinking. Now I'm facing my anxieties head on. The jealousy, fear of rejection, of not being good enough, the hating myself for my past behavior and anxieties. I have made some progress, though at times it feels like very little. Sometimes I still feel like crawling back into my hole and just saying f it to everyone, and not caring about anyone since they seem to not care about me. I'm too damn good at numbing my feelings out and not caring about anything. I could sure use some hugs right now to help me from falling back into that.

((((((((((((((((((((Horsey)))))))))))))))))))))

Don't fall back hun, gallop for force ahead, it hurts when we are rejected, when people hurt us when we have old wounds.

Don't let that stop you though, not everyone is going to hurt you, and lots of people care, I care, and you have helped me many times and I am thankful for that.

Stay strong my friend, every night has a dawn, the sun is coming, hope is there, this too shall pass and good times will arise.

Sending lots of gentle hugs, love, and peace
Sparrow

for you, friend...

and times that by forever

and times this by forever + everyone here

H.





'

“Science without religion is lame.
Religion without science is blind.”
Albert Einstein

(((((((((((((( horsecab )))))))))))))))

(((((horsey)))))..

Dear Horsecab,I, too, have quit alcohol and drugs, and the lifestyle change and the need to face anxieties head on is hard. I, too, have an avoidant disorder since stopping drinking and drugging. I know what it feels like to dislike yourself for past behaviors and to feel jealousy of others for whom relationships seem to be so easy. I am assuming that you are male. Remember that there are probably many more females with this disorder than males. Someone out there would deeply appreciate a relationship with you, but you may have to start it! Becoming more other-centered is something that I work on, and it is helpful is making me forget my own troubles. Such things as anxiety seem to disappear if they are ignored. However, I know how difficult it is to do that!!!! My computer ability to make smilies appear in text has somehow broken. But I give you multiple hugs and much empathy. What people think of us has little to do with anything about us; has much to do with how we make people feel about themselves. You don't have to make conversation if you concentrate on asking people questions about themselves and then just listening to them talk. Caring About You ~ billieJ

(((((Horse))))) You are doing so well, don't go backwards!! I know it's hard to face things and trust people but not trying is like saying your not worth it, and that is definitely not true!! Keep up the wonderful work and you will start surrounding yourself with people who really care, and people that are good for you. Believe you are worth it because you are!

Horse

You are the most caring and gentle soul here on FB and I know what is upsetting you are the moment, but you can only do so much. You are a GOOD person and anyone is very lucky to have you as a friend. Dont get sucked into something you cannot change only people themselves can change we cant change them. I admire you greatly

Paddy

I just read this, so it's a few months overdue, but hey, we always need hugs (((Horse)))
You're not alone- I'm going through the same thing. Now I know that I'm not alone, too. Let's try to be brave & feel entitled to having good lives.

I know what you mean horsecab. I've been doing the same for years and like you I finally quit drinking but I had a relapse lately. I went in to a bar and a few hours later I was thrown out by a big guy and slammed on the concrete. My face was all bloody and I walked home. So I am back on the wagon. I avoid people too. I live in an apartment complex and I just keep to myself. I am very lucky, I have a nice and caring mom that goes and gets my stuff for me such as food, supplies, meds, and anything else, then I just pay her back with a check. I'm on disability for schiz and depression. So I avoid going out the door as much as possible. You are not alone friend. Nice to meet you. Peace.