isolating

I've been hurt so many times by people I trusted. IRL. I won't go into details. I've decided to return to my old "coping" mechanism, of isolation. Don't get close, don't agree to talk to anyone every day, don't share who you really are. Dont care "too much".
This is in Real Life, (3D) I've known people there who have used and hurt me emotionally. I think they think I'm easy to hurt.

Yes, those of us who can be easily hurt attract abusers like sharks! Human beings are predators and many people allow their predatory natures to rule them, seeking out those of us they consider to be "prey" on whom to inflict pain and damage. Based on my personal experience in life, there are more people out there who are willing to hurt you than to help you. We have to be very discerning about who we allow into our inner sanctums - who we allow ourselves to trust. Isolation is just protective mode - your safe place - the starting point from which you carefully and cautiously venture out to interact with others. I know all too well how you feel right now - I have had nothing but betrayal after vicious betrayal of my trust since the moment I became ill and disabled 10 years ago. I have also isolated myself as a result - but that's okay - I will learn to be more discerning (even at my ripe old age) before I venture out again. I tend to give people more credit than they deserve and trust them too easily - I'm revamping this philosophy and habit so that I won't appear to others as such easy prey!! This rose is going to grow some thorns! Maybe I should even learn how to growl like you - grrr....grrr...grrrr...ack...cough - I'll have to practice.

Sorry you are hurting.
probably getting away from hurtful people is good but I think it would be a good thing if you could try to meet a new person, one that is kind..... (yea, I know easy to say- not easy to do..... I do really know!)

psst-- BTW this is "mandyfins" back from a long absence.

((((Fuzzybear)))

I, too, have been viciously preyed upon, people who knew they could dominate me they went ahead and hurt me over and over..namely, my family

I had to set boundaries with them, even become a little assertive and confront them, which did not feel natural to me in the least..

but if it is friendships, you can discard these people with a click of DELETE from your cell phone directory or DELETE from your facebook account

I have found true, true, oh so true friends to help me get over the hurt from my family and I found them in/by:

1. Churches, church events I have joined
2. Support groups I have joined for depression
3. Giving out my number to people who I had a good feeling for from the getko, who were obviously warm, caring, loving people
4. finding an interest (for me, karaoke..) that brings people together
5. Choosing to spend my precious time with uplifters, people that do not judge/tear down ever, ever, ever

You are soooo wonderful here at PC, Fuzzybear, you deserve the WORLD then more on top of that..

...Now, if you can make practical suggestions, apply them, there are GOOD CARING PEOPLE OUT THERE I promise to you, I promise to me,

The trick is finding them, and not letting yourself get closed up by the assholes of this world

Fuzzybear if you close yourself to everyone including the good out there..

..........then the assholes have won..

Forgive them, forgiving is a creative act that opens yourself up, it is an act you do for yourself_!!!

Do not reconcile with assholes, but do forgive FOR YOUR OWN SAKE,

and go in peace.....

Please try the places I have mentioned, or at least think about it,

sending deep love and understanding your way...............................

I was struck by these quotes:

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration. ~Pearl S. Buck

He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast or a god. ~Aristotle

I know the toll isolation exacts. There is a void. Nonetheless, I lack some social skills. One therapist was kind enough to tell me I was a social retard. Maybe so?

This article speaks to me: http://www.alive.com/6980a17a2.php?s..._bread_cramb=5

Particularly this quote:“Loneliness is a greater risk for morbidity or mortality than cigarette smoking,” says Nicholas Epley, assistant professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago.

I was able to quit smoking years ago. Maybe there is time yet for me to transform the beast?

Fuzzybear, will you join my quest?

When you say "put yourself out there", what if you do and no one seems to acknowledge you? Then what? I keep trying, but I don't find anyone who wants to become a friend. This has been going on for years.

Is having trouble making friends a symptom of bipolar, never having been taught how to, or some other kind of disorder? Do we worry about rejection more than others? Do they feel like bipols are like chameleons and they don't want to get close because they don't know if we are goofing around with them?

Lots of questions, I know. How can other people get to see them?

Thanks

(((((((((((((((((((jsdecker))))))))))))))))))

HugsJust wanted to send a hug, to you

Fuzzy I know exactly how you feel. And the worst part is that I would rather be alone. Yet at the same time I sooooooo long for a special companion that I don't have, and thus I am miserable. It's like if I don't have her, I don't care about anything else. The times I feel this way I always try to be thankful for what I do have. ((((((((((((((((furry paws))))))))))

(((Fuzzy))) I hear you loud & clear on that one. (And I'm reading!)

I can't believe how many times you've posted!! Nice to meet you. I isolate everyday. I am used to it now. I only see my mom and sister. I check my mail late at night to avoid seeing anybody. Mom brings my groceries and supplies to me and I just pay her back with a check. I have my cat, and he is my best friend. Peace be with you.

((((Fuzzybear))))
I isolate a lot. I also have been hurt by mean, stupid people. They are predators.

I live in almost complete isolation. I'm on disability so I don't have to work and I live in my parents' house. I go out only when strictly necessary and of course I haven't got any friends or a partner. I haven't been diagnosed with AvPD but I'm fairly sure I have quite a few traits. I kind of doubt I have the disorder because most people here can at least recall a time when they were normal, whereas I've always been a social misfit.

Dear, Sweet Fuzzy, I also have been hurt, and am still being hurt, even in my own home. I isolate as much as I can get away with. I tried to get out yesterday. I showered, dressed, fed the dogs, I did everything I needed to do, to be able to get out. When it came down to it, the 3 people that I felt comfortable enough to get out to see, had other plans. It took a lot for me to even want to go somewhere, but it was not meant for me to get out. My point to you is that you are not alone, there are many of us. I can't even get away from the ones that are in MY HOME!!!!!!!! (((((((LOVE, THOUGHTS, BIG HUGS, and PRAYERS)))))))

Also really relatable. It's hard, but you are not alone. There are people (like me) who truelly understand. Sending you big hugs!

Yes can relate Im most comfortable isolating and staying in most days.

I just want to thank everyone. I'm sorry you are going through all this struggle and pain. Thank you for making me feel like I'm not the only one. I work in a library, which is a marginally service-related industry - a nightmare for someone who is afraid to relate to people. I don't get out more than I have to- a good weekend is one where I don't have to cross my own front door except to go on a walk in my quiet neighborhood. Closing with a quote.
'He who hears music feels his solitude peopled at once.' --Robert Browning.

This past weekend I did get out on Saturday with two nice friends to a local festival and it was fun, and I’m glad I went. Did avoid the meetup event today and hesitant to go out most days and do really like one group so maybe there some hope for me. Had to get out Saturday since wretchedly depressed and 6-8 years ago a psychologist did give good advice to try to be around people more.

Thanks for this thread Fuzzy! So much good advice.

That there are people who have hurt someone as sweet as you makes me angry!

I am learning to share less with the people who don't seem to care or just act like they care because they want something from me. I have to remind myself about their past behavior all of the time. I forgive easily--which is good for my soul but I also need to keep in mind their past behavior and not be so easily played in the future.

Thanks for being someone who we can trust! Thanks for your big, wonderful, loving sensitive heart! Thanks for being part of the PC community!!

Thank you TunedOut

I've made a lot of mistakes
but sometimes mean people target us for no reason other than they think we are a possible target. I too forgive easily.. but I resolve not to be so easily played in future too.

I too am learning to share much less with people who don't care

thank you also for your big, loving, wonderful, sensitive heart dear friend

btw people don't like it when I set boundaries.. unlike a few people I'm not mean when I do this though

(not about anyone on pc)