Avoiding Life...

The last couple of months I have been avoiding life and my responsibilities. I stopped going to work even though my parents still think I'm working. I stopped caring about bills or money. I had to close my bank because of the fact I don't have anymore money. I have about fifty bucks left and I don't care. I have been selling my stuff so my family does not realize I don't have any money. I live with my parents so I'm covered for shelter and food...so that's one less worry. I stopped talking to any of my friends or going out with anyone. I stopped taking care of myself...I only eat when I'm forced to by my mom or if I get so hungry I feel like I'm gonna pass out. Then I eat a lot so that I don't have to eat again for a while. So basically I eat maybe once a day. I stopped working out or caring about my health. I actually spend my time hoping that I get sick and that something is really wrong with me. I hope I have some disease and that it makes me sick.

I'm avoiding living. I spend my days leaving my house pretending to go to work for my parents sake...and spend the day just reading or spending time on my computer watching shows or movies. I don't do anything else. I don't talk to anyone. I try to spend as little time with my family as I can. I stopped caring about my life...

I have felt the same in the past, but not so much anymore. It was in my twentys' when I was trying to get my carrer started and made a mess of it by to much partying. Then I would feel somewhat like you feel. I would spend the days drinking quarts of beer because they where cheep and smoke sigs and any kind of sedative type drugs when I could hustle them. This whent on till I got physically sick. After getting nurced back to health, I would realise that I wanted something better. I started by taking a hot shower, getting in my sweats, putting a cassett player on with my favorite music and riding my bike. The exercise made me feel better. Next I would find a job doing anything physical. I slowly started to come back to life. The symptums would come back, usually in the winter, and I would repeat the same cycle. I got help from a therapist when I was in rehab, and learned how to build up my self esteem. I set new goals, and I am striving to get there. Whith out the drugs and alcohol, and trying to please everybody and having to have everybody like me, everything is going good. Yes the blues come back to visit but I gently ride them out. Hope this helps. The Gooseter