How should I help out myself?

I think I am somewhere between avpd and bpd but mostly it matches avpd.
I have been trying to help myself, cause I can't go to a therapist. I tried contacting some of my classmates and go out with them,but it did not work out cause they already have a preconceived idea about me that I am shy and don't talk to anyone. Whenever I try talking to someone I feel that I am boring them out and most often I end up telling sorry to have bothered them. I thought that maybe talking to people upfront was proving to be difficult for me so I could try chatting online. So I started hanging out in the chat place here in the hope that maybe I'll learn to open up and talk normally like other people do, but I don't think it's working out.
I often feel scared to say things, afraid that people will think I am strange or from some different planet all together. I just don't know what is the right thing to say at the right time. I hate being so terribly lonely. Can anyone please suggest how should I go about so that I can help myself get over this shyness and how can i improve my self esteem?

It's good to have some statements prepared in advance that you know others your age, especially those you want to approach for friendship, like to talk about. For instance, watch popular TV shows and go to the movies. A good opening line is something like, "I just saw ### movie and it was great; have you seen it yet?" The same is true for music and, to a lesser extent, books. Still, being able to discuss them makes you interesting to others. See movies and are still not sure what to say? Read the reviews in the newspapers - they will often cover the relevant details and help you to feel comfortable about what you're discussing.

Also, sometimes is not so much what you say as how you say it. Smile. Make eye contact with the person you're talking to. Avoid negative comments, e.g., putting others down. Set goals for yourself, e.g., to talk to one person, to make one good friend who has common interests, to go out on a date, etc.

Good luck!

Hi Julesaphira,



Did you diagnose yourself online or something?

Just curious as you mentioned you have no therapist. A personality disorder is very serious and is usually the kind of thing best diagnosed by a professional.

Can you guess what I'm going to say next?

Get one! You can't cure a personality disorder by yourself, and if you suspect you have one it is worth getting a full evaluation.

Are you young? A lot of what you're describing sounds like low self esteem. You can beat that by getting hobbies and things you are good at-- things nobody else but you knows how to do! Also spending more time around people. If you can find just 1 or 2 friends who accept you for who you are it can build an enormous amount of confidence. Many adults don't have lots and lots of friends, but if you're in high school, there is a lot of pressure to be surrounded by a crowd. It can help to just meet a few people you can talk to and eat lunch with on a regular basis.

You say you're sorry for speaking your mind. I would really suggest trying to make a habit out of not doing that. I doubt anyone disapproves of you as much as.... well.. you! I hope you can learn to give yourself a little love.