I feel so behind on life

My life is SO not the life of a typical 22 year old. I pretty much have the life of some...antisocial, teenaged weirdo. It even seems like I am the only 20 something year old that is this weird and stupid. Not even the people I've met online who apparently have problems similar to mine are like this. It's as if EVERYONE I meet is better off than me.

Am I the only one that feels this way?? I didn't wish to whine about anything on here but I can't help it. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind right now.

I think you are self diagnosing too much. And you are being awfully hard on yourself.

It is not unusual be feel left behind, especially at your age. You should get a real diagnosis and find a good therapist that can help you build better self esteem.
And when you are talking about your mid teens and having the trouble with self image, that is so normal with all the physical changes that take place right up to the age you are at now.

I think it is wonderful that you have come here and spoken up. You can spend time in the forums and read how much others have the same concerns you have. So, in that you will start to see that you are not so far behind after all.

You aren't really going to know yourself yet, so don't feel that you should, a common concern for your age and during the 20's. Many people don't really find themselves till way after their 20's. Hey you have taken the first step by coming here and trying to speak up. There are a lot of very nice people here to talk to and learn from.

But please don't hide in your room and beat yourself up for issues that are a normal part of growing up, even in your 20's. Try to get a real diagnosis and a support plan with a therapist that specializes in what ever you may have.

And just remember we are all unique, you have qualities about you that are unique and worth investigating and developing. Dont worry about your looks, very few men end up on magazine covers. To be honest, I personally don't think those men are all that handsome. It is the uniqueness that I like. So go and be unique.

Open Eyes

Thanks.

I truly am NOT at the level of a person of my age, though. See:

-I have no friends. Haven't had any for years. I only go out when required to, nothing "fun" or "social."
-I've never dated or anything. I've never been involved with anyone romantically/sexually.
-I don't have a drivers license.
-I only have a high school education. Haven't finished college and am NOWHERE near finishing. I practically am JUST starting out.
-I have no job experience. I have worked at three fast food jobs (at age 15, 17 and 18). The first job I only lasted a month. Second, a week. Third, about a month and a half. The second one wasn't really my fault, but the others I lost because of my social phobia. I was asked to leave at my first one because I was always acting like I "didn't want to be here" (which frankly, I didn't). The last one I quit because I couldn't take it anymore.

Then there's other random little things I see I should've known and done earlier...

And you know, everyone I've met online so far is up to date with most or all of these things^. They've either accomplished them in the past or they're accomplishing them right now. Seems like I can never find anyone that is at my level.

Ugh, I am SO immature and it's all thanks to my silly social phobia and low self-esteem...

The reason why I haven't been to therapy is because my parents never allowed it (still live with them, by the way). They've sort of changed their minds, but NOW the problem is they can't and don't want to pay for it. I would definitely pay for it, but I am too afraid to get a job. And the only places that will hire me (because of my lack of experience) are fast food places and I HATE those places. That's why I didn't last at those other jobs. I simply can't function in places like that. I'm sure I'd end up making a fool of myself and losing the job AGAIN.
Do you see how ridiculous it is? I need a job to get help, but the reason why I need help is also the reason why I don't have a job. I just wish I weren't this way, "scared of people", like everyone says. Because, see, I NEED help with my appearance, but I need a job for that too.

And I'm not saying I wish to be like everyone else. I don't wish to be "perfect". I don't wish to live up to anyone else's standards, just mine.

I said I didn't want to post this here because it is of no use to me. I no longer need to be online whining about crap, I need to go out and actually get help but I can't.

Ugh, I shouldn't have started this topic.

I am 24 and in a similar situation. You seem to have done a better job at dealing with your problems than I have, though. I have never had a job and I have not been to college. I did not even finish high school. I never felt comfortable around other people. I had to enroll in a home schooling program and graduate through that. But, I really do not have any answers for you, or any answers for myself. I just figured I would post in this thread. I think it was a good idea to start this thread. It never hurts to talk about your problems.

Oh (((((over))))))) please don't be ashamed of posting here. And it is not a bad topic at all. There are other people here that feel like they are behind as well and they are older than 22. 22 is still very young yet. Most likely your parents are not giving you any incentive and they probably never did.

Maybe you could do some telemarketing or something from home for work. I guess you would have to check out the internet and see what may be available for an at home kind of job. I don't see where you live, does your dad have a lawn mower, perhaps you could cut some of the neighborhood lawns. You could make up a flyer and put it in some mail boxes. Then you would only have to meet with a customer once to see how they want their lawn done. You could work outside and even rake leaves in the fall. Ofcourse I don't know where you live, but if it is in the suburbs somewhere you could start your own little business. A lot of people who are not really good at working directly with people do their own kind of small lawn business and build from there.

And you don't have to work in a fast food place, what about your local grocery store.
They are always looking for people to do night shifts and stock shelves etc. That way you would be working at night with less contact with people. And there are Home Depots all over you could see if they hire too in the stocking department.

My father in law used to go and clean a restaurant early in the morning when no one was there. He was retired and wanted to keep working.

I am just thinking of places to find work that will help you get going with other things in your life, like therapy.

But you need to find a way to get a driver's license.

So, your not where other people are in life, no one really is, everyone has issues that they hide. Your probably the kind of person that needs to work places that don't deal with servicing people directly. Not everyone is a socialite.

You have to put one foot in front of the other and begin somewhere. Dont think about being behind, just be you and take some steps forward.

Open Eyes

BryGuy, well, I guess I can say this thread was mostly created to see if there was anyone else on here that felt like I did. So yeah, answers or no answers, your post is greatly appreciated. Thanks. So will you ever get a job or go to school??

Open Eyes, about working at home, I was told those types of jobs aren't "exactly for stay-at-home moms or people with only a high school education." I don't know, I'll keep looking, but I'm sure I won't find anything.
The only online 'job' type of things I've been doing for some time now are online paid surveys and selling stuff online (old clothes, stuff like that). And I'm thinking on creating my own t-shirts and (hopefully) selling those, too. Of course all of this isn't enough to make a living or anything, though.

I've tried applying at grocery stores and it seems experience is required to work there as well. But yeah, I would love to get a job stocking. I'd just like to get a job organizing stuff.

I'd like to work cleaning somewhere like your father did. I think those types of jobs are only offered to people older than me, though. My sister told me that's how it was at her job.

I'm working on the drivers license. It's not really that I don't know how to drive, I've just been procrastinating...

Thanks again. Yeah, I need to stop thinking about being behind. I see that is what has been keeping me from advancing.

((((((( over )))))))

Fuzzybear.

lol.

I really wish the amount of time to edit posts on this board were unlimited and thread titles could be edited as well... :/

That, and I wish vthis didn't appear because it looks tacky, heh.

Well you cant just edit every productive thought that comes into your head.
This is a good thread as you are wondering how you can change your situation.

I think one of your biggest obstacles is yourself. And for most people this is the case. But you have to think about how you address ideas of how to change your current situation. And that is how I learn about myself as well so don't think your alone.

Now I did give you some suggestions but you had an answer for each one that gave you a reason to not explore it further. It is not only old men that do cleaning jobs a lot of times old men are doing these jobs because no one else will. And when my daughter worked for stop and shop she had no previous experience and she started when she was just around 16.

I have said this before somewhere else, but what you are doing is standing by a pool on a hot day and the most you will let yourself do is stick your toe in and think it is probably too cold to jump in. But the truth is there is another way to enter the pool of life so to speak. You can go to the shallow end and slowly step in a little at a time until you finally get to the point where you just dive in and swim. And everyone does that differently. It is not always the one who just dives in that becomes the best swimmer. Often it can be the one who slowly pushes a little at a time and then just eventually becomes a good swimmer.

Dont keep procrastinating, make yourself get the driver's licence and start to journey out. That is the beginning of stepping into the shallow end.

Open Eyes

Thanks again, Open Eyes.

I mostly say that because of grammar purposes and I also don't want anyone (such as my family) finding me on here...

You're right about that. I KNOW I am my biggest obstacle.

Like I said, although I doubt I will find anything, I will continue looking for jobs online. I forgot to add that mowing lawns and raking leaves for others truly is unlikely for me. As for cleaning, although I said I felt most of those jobs are only offered to people older than me, I do want to look into it.

I could also try getting a job at school when school starts. I've been told I can get one there.

But it's different when you're 15, 16. Most employers don't think highly of 22 year olds with no job experience AND no college education. That's why it's so hard for me to get a job.

My problem is that I'm too passive and pessimistic. Ugh, I have to try harder and stop focusing so much on others...

Well, at least by posting here you are trying to take an interest in yourself and find ways to get motivated. And you are admitting your faults as well, and did you notice I admitted mine too? And if you look around at the different forums there are many others that are questioning themselves in one way the other. Even those that are in college and they feel empty and confused.

So what that is really saying is that perhaps you are not so far behind as you may think. And don't forget as everyone else here is, you are unique, but also human with emotions and fears just like everyone else here, and that includes me.

There were plenty of times when I felt as though I may be too pessimistic or even passive. But I did got to that low end of the pool and waded in. And I realized that I was more capable than I realized.

And you don't have to grade yourself so harshly. Oh we can be so hard on ourselves and give up so easily. And looking at others as a kind of barometer is normal as well and even the lowest of primates do that. But you are not going to really be in anyone else you see, because you are unique and you are going to be you. You are only 22 and that is still very young. And it is not unusual for someone your age to question a direction and even feel hopeless or disappointed. Have you actually been reading the forums?

Now, you can still go back to school you know and continue your education. The way you write here does not speak of a bumbling idiot. You just havent give yourself a chance to find your own core. And that takes time to develope, and dear, you have to get those feet wet in order to figure it out. And yes, you have to stop self critisizing and get into gear. Most young men have self critical thoughts, even those that seem to have the education and the job. Every single person you meet has self doubt somewhere. You do not have an exclusive on that emotion, believe me.

Someone who cleans up in a restaurant or does some meanial job is not always a meanial person. It can be a beginning to something else, it is just the shallow end of the pool. People are not as hard as you think, the more you are around them the more you will realize it. That is something I have learned a lot about. I have been around all different kinds of people and they all lacked something and I finally realized, what the heck was I so worried about, they are just like me.

So give yourself a chance and consider putting the effort into overcoming your own obstacles, that you put infront of yourself and work on getting your feet wet.

I know you can do it. Geez, your just 22 and what I didn't know at that age, No, I had to get my feet wet and I tried lots of different things. Although I was a terrible waitress I was a good bartender though.

Hey are there any local riding stables near you? I was thinking about you this morning as I never have time to keep up with the horses anymore. There are plenty of stables that need help and it doesn't take a genious to figure out how to clean up after horses. Oh and there are usually plenty of girls around to listen to. And guess what, many of them are animal lovers and that can make them very humble.

Open Eyes

Thank you once more.

Yes, I did notice you mentioned your faults.

I understand and agree. Just need to take the first step, and in my case, that's getting my license.

I haven't looked at all of the threads on here, but I DO know I'm not the only 22 year old that feels this way. I've met plenty of other people on other forums that were going through similar things. But I don't know, I guess sometimes it's like I kind of forget.

No, unfortunately, there aren't any stables nearby.

And haha, I had a feeling you thought this but I wasn't sure. I wanted to wait and see what else you would say. Do you think I'm male? I'm a girl.

I'd like to add that I like how I am, I like being an introvert (like I've said many times, me being quiet and reserved isn't the problem. The shyness and asocialness is). Like I've never cared to have tons of friends, and having a boyfriend has always been the least of my problems. Yes, I'd like to have that stuff, but improving myself is far more important to me. I wish to be happy with myself. I won't be happy with anyone or anything until I do so.

You know, though, most times I feel like I don't even want anything. I don't care if I never resolve the things I dislike about myself, I don't care if I never get my degree, I don't care if I die alone. I don't want anything at all and it feels like I am only pushing forward with thoughts of bettering my life because it is what I used to want and it is what everyone else wants. But I'm sure this is my depression thinking for me...

Woops, sorry about that. And you are right about the depression thinking. But that depression doesn't mean that you are forever doomed. Some depressions come and go and some are not as bad as others.

Do you have a therapist that you can talk to? I think that would be really helpful for you.

Again, sorry for the mixup.

Open Eyes

It's alright. I somehow find it kind of cool when people mistaken me for a guy on the net (isn't the first time it's happened).

No, I don't. Wish I did.

Yeah. I can't stay in this situation forever. The problem is, just thinking about getting a job makes me feel uncomfortable. If I apply for a job, I have to go through the interview process, and if I somehow survive that, I have to actually do the job correctly. I'm not very good at interacting with other people (obviously). If I can find a job that would allow me to be alone, or with very few people over the course of an entire day, maybe I could make it. But that still brings me back to the whole interview problem. I actually had a job interview set up once. I just sat around all day worrying about it; worrying about making a fool out of myself. I decided to call up and cancel it. Even that took everything I had. It's hard for me to talk to people on the phone, especially when I don't know them.

Motivation is another problem. When I think of the limited number of job opportunities out there, it just makes me feel worse. Who really wants to work at a fast food restaurant, or be a cashier, stocker, janitor, etc.? Sure, you could work your way up, but who really wants to be working at those places to begin with? Not me. Even if I wanted to be, for example, a stocker at a grocery store, I'm not sure I would even be capable of getting my foot in the door.

I've been thinking about volunteering somewhere. If only I could get myself out there. I need to at least work on getting a state ID. That would be easier than going for a driver's license.

As for school, I never could figure out what I wanted to do. Nothing interests me enough. I enjoy reading and I enjoy listening to music, but I can't get myself to write and I have no desire to be a musician.

So yeah, now what?

I wish I had someone to help me out. My parents are understanding enough, but they're the kind of people who would rather ignore problems and hope that they go away on their own. Nothing has changed in the last 6 years. I need to fix this by myself.

Oh man, I worry about interviews as well. The last job interview I had didn't go so well (SO awkward).
I wish I could get a job like that, a job that doesn't involve interacting with so many people.
I'm not as bad as I used to be, but I still get nervous when speaking on the phone. I always have to prepare myself. Sometimes I even jot down what I'm going to say. I even had an interview on the phone a few months back. I requested information on an art school and a counselor ended up calling me later on. She asked me why I wish to take up the career I'm interested in and whatnot. Suddenly she goes, "You know, I'd love to continue speaking with you. Let's see if we can meet sometime. We'll make an appointment. I'd love to hear all you have to say in person." My heart suddenly jumps and I begin shaking like crazy. I seriously couldn't stop shaking. But somehow the call went well. My sister, who was there during all of it, told me she couldn't tell I was nervous, lol.

I too don't care to work in places like that, but I wouldn't mind doing something like stocking or even cleaning. I wouldn't love it, but at least I'll be getting paid.
I'd like to volunteer, too, but I'm too scared. So you don't have your driver's license either?

I'm apparently going to be a graphic designer. I say apparently because it seems like I never am going to get there. I am not even as passionate about art as I used to be. I DO have the talent (which is rusty due to years of not practicing), I AM still interested in it and I WOULD love to be graphic designer, but I'm just...too unhappy... I'm going to keep trying to finish school (who knows? Later on I'll probably 'wake up' and want to live again and by then I might have my degree), but I don't know...

My parents push me to go to school, but don't care about my problems. And I've been trying to fix everything on my own, but...ugh.

I think cognitive therapy may be very helpful to you. See if you can find a therapist that uses that method. Then talk to your parents about it. Now your going to have to be firm with your parents and let them know it is important to you even if they don't think you need it.

Glad to see your thinking in a direction. Graphic arts is a good field and you may get to a point where there is more work and less interaction. Most artists struggle with
interactions. You should continue to push forward and brush up and practice.

Open Eyes

I agree. I'll try talking to my parents again, but it's not going to be easy. I still need to get a job as well.

That's part of why I like it, more work and less interaction. But I still need to work on social skills because I'm going to have to meet with clients and everything.

Ahh, I have a lot of stuff to work on!